Natural Seasons in a Marriage.

Megan

First of all please dont worry about me, I am very well.
Since the middle of last week I have been a little down thinking about the very worst sexual experiences that some women have had and that I have been blessed to never ever have experienced. These experiences include some of the assaults members of the forum have had as they go about their normal lives and some family of some people at work who are very negative and even people in countries at war that you learn about from Church type activities.

I was also short tempered with my husband because when we first married and he got my keys he would often move much to powerfully once we started spending time together. After talking about that to @Renita I was somewhat rude to my husband again for no real good reason at all.
So I took a break from talking to him over the weekend and I declined doing the normal things we would do.
Then I cause a car accident while using my phone to text about even more bad news. NO ONE was hurt and that was the most important thing. I took complete responsibility for causing the accident and being on my phone.

SO I am now always going to drive in the car with my phone in my purse in the back seat behind my seat and let all calls go to voicemail while the ringer is muted.
I also told my husband that I love him and I said outloud many times that he did nothing wrong and I do like the way he looks and after I complained I do miss feeling how powerful he can be and I don't want him to be afraid of me getting angry when he touches me. BUT once I start cuddling and kissing him I don't like things to speed up so much to the point where I am facing one way then another then facing another way then another and then wondering how my belt is off when I barely heard a click....

SO making love will not be a priority for me for awhile and I wanted to change back into mymystel because I didn't want to dress the same way as when I had the fender bender.
I am unsure why I feel all these things all of a sudden.

Joh

Megan SO I am now always going to drive in the car with my phone in my purse in the back seat behind my seat and let all calls go to voicemail while the ringer is muted.

This is a good decision. In our country it is forbidden and there are very high penalties if you are caught. Your accident shows how much one is distracted from what is happening.

From my experience, I can only say that after some time, being in love turns into a basic attraction. Many things become routine and you slacken your efforts. Little things in social intercourse get on your nerves without being addressed. And therein lies the fault.

What I have learned from my relationships is that talking is very important. Even small things that are usually not addressed should be clarified. You should also reflect on your own commitment and initiative for the relationship and ask yourself whether you really give your partner the feeling of being important.

If you have the feeling that there is tension, take time to listen to each other about how the other person is doing, what is good and not so good, what you miss, what goals and expectations you have.

Rafael

Megan

Megan, I guess, by age, what experience in marriage I have more than you. What you say is entirely true, and although it scares us, it is inevitable that we go through several stages, sometimes (almost always), to return to the beginning stage.
I believe that you should not worry since the oscillations of desire or even of the spiritual needs that you seek that your life partner satisfies, because they vary.
Myself, at almost fifty, here I am starting a new stage, and, yes, I assure you that I started with fears.
Please allow me to give you my vision of a married man: make sure he knows how much you love him and he won't care about anything else. A husband who knows he is loved and valued gives his life for his wife. You will see how feeling his wife by his side will accompany you by the hand through any stage you go through.
I hope you are well and that the car hasn't been badly damaged.

Megan

So that was a lot of talking but I do wonder how other people feel after marriage sometime???
I also want to say nothing is really wrong and I will not get distracted or pull my phone out ever again.

Sara2001

Joh What I have learned from my relationships is that talking is very important. Even small things that are usually not addressed should be clarified. You should also reflect on your own commitment and initiative for the relationship and ask yourself whether you really give your partner the feeling of being important.

I can't agree more. Talking is truly the key. I know it's definitely nothing for everyone, but I think our weekly maintenance sessions help a lot to stabilise our relationship. The open talk about anything that goes on in our relationship is so helpful. We have kind of standard questions we answer each other, like what was the best moment last week, where did you feel uncomfortable, what do you want to see more often, what do you want to see less often, what has to stop immediately. What was easier then expected, what was more difficult then expected. Where have you wished your partner has shown a different behaviour even if you don't judge his behaviour because he couldn't know better (and the opposite around). What can I do to make his next week even better, what can he do to make my next week even better. Mostly this are small things. The spanking after the talk feels like a confirmation for both of us, that we really want to continue this kind of relationship. He can feel my opinion about it by seeing me going over his lap without any hesitation or back talking, I can feel his confirmation in how consistent and consequent he provides my discipline. It gives both of us the feeling of being at the right place with the right person at our side. Maybe he could give you the key to your chastity belt before the talk instead and you give him the key back at the end of the talk as your sign of confirmation and you get your can feel his confirmation by the fact that he keeps you locked. Something like that.

Yolanda

Rafael

Megan, similar to what my husband says.
You don't have to be afraid of going through bad times and relying on your husband, it's normal, but you can't abandon yourself and perpetuate the situation either.
It is his duty to support you, and yours to try to get you back.
Cheer up.

Avery

@Megan Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep talking and thinking about issues and trying to take positive action. Bet you'll be fine.

Angelina

first of all, I'm glad that you @Megan are well and healthy.

i don't have any marriage experience yet, but i have experienced what has caused many relationships and marriages of family and friends to fail. there are always fluctuations, but the most important thing is that the prtner is always behind you. important for me is a quote by voltaire: "I don't share your opinion, but I would risk my life for you to express it".

and that's the crucial point, you don't need permanent harmony, but the marriage has to develop and you both have to be able to talk freely.

all the best futhermore 🙂