Carlos The reason i keep wearing it is because i do not want to loose her.
This is not a good reason. If the relationship won't work, it is better to find that out and end it before you get married, rather than suffer out of fear. Losing her would break your heart and be very painful, but you would survive and you would find love elsewhere.
Carlos Like the bit that i really do not agree with is when she implies that if i do something that i might get out.
Within consensual power play this can be sexy. Without consent it is abusive and manipulative.
Carlos I confronted her this evening about our current regime and how un happy it was making me. I made her very aware about her trust issues. But i was honest and said this was making me miserable. I did suggest the compromises of putting the cage on when i leave the house on my own. But i want out when i get home no questions asked.
This sounds like a child asking for a concession from a parent, not an adult demanding autonomy. It sounds like you approached her the way you approached your parents in the past, as though she was an authority you need to convince of something.
Carlos She said this is something that she needs in the relationship to give her piece of mind. She did suggest that she would be willing to compromise more in the evening and let me out when we are home. But i am no longer to wear the cage i have to wear the belt from now on. When i go to work or go out of the house the belt goes back on. Since she gets up before me to go to her work the belt goes on just before we go to bed. Also if she is doing a night shift the belt goes on before she leaves for work.
She also said that we are not going to be playing every night and if i start to masturbate in the evening when i am free the belt has to go back on.
She sounds like a parent giving out concessions here, not a partner respecting your autonomy. None of these things are her choice, but she is acting like they are, and you seem to be going along with it.
Carlos She said she feels the belt is way more secure than the cage and that is something she would need.
Again, she isn't your parent or your jailer. She shouldn't get to make this decision without your consent.
Carlos I know i was really hoping that i would get unlocked this evening but she said that there is too many emotions going on for me to get out and thought it would be unwise.
This is a pure power play and if you haven't consented to giving her this power it is abusive. She is saying "I'm still in charge and don't you forget it."
From what you say, it sounds like your parents really convinced you that you don't have a right to make decisions about your own body, and your partner is taking advantage of that to control you more than she has a right to.
If you cannot approach a negotiation as an adult, with the confidence to set your own limits, or if she cannot accept that you are an adult with the right to set your own limits, I think you should flat out refuse to ever wear a chastity device again. If she can't accept it you should accept that she isn't good for you.
I know that's harsh, but your situation sounds unhealthy.
Whatever you do, I wish you the happiest and healthiest possible outcome.
