Belt fitting

Joh

Jonas No sense in being unhappy!

Jen it's all about long term but I don't want to lie to myself. Like what I want to tell myself - it feels like I'm kidding myself

I agree with @Jonas
If you can't figure it out you have to decide which way you want to go and than start. During the time you will see which part is no problem, which part is hard and maybe something you can't cope with. Then rethink your goal and adjust it to fit your life.
Have in mind: Any plan is just a statement of intent and you have to adapt it to the circumstances. It is not set in stone.

Another advice out of management:
When you have decided something, decide soon because the quicker it can be corrected if it turns out to be wrong.

Jonas

Joh Any plan is just a statement of intent and you have to adapt it to the circumstances. It is not set in stone.

I agree, we change over time and so do our circumstances, it is risky to bind your future self's hands by making choices that they will not easily be able to reverse. In fairness and balance though, I should say that making a firm decision does remove anxiety and second-guessing and circular thinking.

I think @Angelina has already put forward a solution to this conundrum. Make a firm commitment to chastity for a set time. An agreed review gives the chance to change course, while not allowing moments of weakness to derail the whole plan. I'd suggest that such reviews should be in increasing time periods... a week, a fortnight, a month, a quarter, a year, 5 years etc. I often forget that I myself have had the time to make and break my own decision for decades. I haven't just settled on "permanent" chastity out of the blue.

Angelina

Jen 🤣 I'm not offended it's fine - yep no playing. But the point is to prove I can live with it - like if I commit for real I'll know I can cope with the comfort and all the other stuff

so it's a test, so to speak, in case you do decide to be chaste later on? i think that's good, at least you'll have some experience. 🙂

Joh Another advice out of management:
When you have decided something, decide soon because the quicker it can be corrected if it turns out to be wrong.

a good tip, applicable to almost any situation 😉

Vanessa

Jen to prove I can live with it

Of course,but it may be hard...

How well do you manage it,for now?

Jonas I thought I had coping with chastity sorted, I just wasn't ready for the dramatic increase in frustration I'm currently going through.

I think it is to know how hard it could be for her that she does this test.

Joh Then rethink your goal and adjust it to fit your life.

Wise advice.

Joh

Yes,but she has been wearing it one year,with frustration,missing some good opportunities,etc...for nothing.

It she decide to give up sooner,it would not be a problem,in my opinion.

But after a year,she would have made many efforts,while not reaching the goal she decided at first.

Jonas not allowing moments of weakness

For it a waiting time between when she ask to have it off and having it off is good.

1 week seems a minimum.

Jen I want to be chaste until I'm with the guy I'm spending my life with. actually i want to just jump ahead and be there now and have the hard part done and feel special and have the history that makes it special and just know that sex and orgasms will only ever be with him. And I want the belt to make it easier and give me a break really like - no penetration at all and no orgasms - that's really what I mean

Pretty romantic!🙂

Jonas I agree with @Laura... "Serious" use (to me) means the belt can't be an on-again off-again thing. Chastity belts have locks!!

I agree.

But it should not be forced,nor reluctantly.

Avery And maybe we need it a lot at first.

I agree.

But for some,it would need more help to achieve their goals.If a chastity belt help them,no problem,in my opinion.

Avery We're not allowed to swear in the house so when I feel like swearing I can shout out FIACRE and not get into any trouble because all it means is taxicab.

🤣

Avery

Jonas This is tricky as there may be surprises ahead. Eg: I thought I had coping with chastity sorted, I just wasn't ready for the dramatic increase in frustration I'm currently going through.

I guess it all goes back to what @Avery said above, about working out what will make you feel good about yourself. No sense in being unhappy! I'm lucky in that way because the frustration is just that: frustrating, agitating, enlivening, but it never makes me unhappy.

I try to keep in mind I'm trying to do something difficult and there are going to be rough spots and maybe failures but one has to get back up and dust oneself off and go forward. Concentrate on making progress day by day.

Jonas

Avery I try to keep in mind I'm trying to do something difficult and there are going to be rough spots and maybe failures but one has to get back up and dust oneself off and go forward. Concentrate on making progress day by day.

As always, I wish I'd said this. 😄

Joh

Vanessa Yes,wearing it one year would not be easy,and if stopping after it,it would have been useless...

It would not be useless. She would find out what was important to her, and if she decided to give up chastity, it would not have been the right thing to do.
The only meaningful point is to come to a conclusion.

Jen

Jonas May I ask exactly what feels like a lie? What do you want to tell yourself?

I want to be chaste until I'm with the guy I'm spending my life with. actually i want to just jump ahead and be there now and have the hard part done and feel special and have the history that makes it special and just know that sex and orgasms will only ever be with him. And I want the belt to make it easier and give me a break really like - no penetration at all and no orgasms - that's really what I mean and with the belt there's still a lot I can enjoy. I mean I don't want be a nun I like to feel desire - but when I don't have the belt I think I have to completely avoid it so the time belted is like my time off really.

Jonas .......... , 5 years etc

Yep, yep, yep, 🤯 No wtf are you crazy!!! But yeah that's like a minimum isn't it. Imagining it is a bit dreamy like but thinking I'm going to do it for real - I guess I'm holding onto a list of what if's like reasons I won't be able to

Sin

@Jen this forum tends to be very All or Nothing, but I wouldn't say that's the reality for most people with an interest in chastity.

The reality is most people just play with it and enjoy it for what it is. Two weeks is HUGE for someone just starting out... It's a pity you just missed Locktober, but there's always next year I guess! 😋

Life often gets in the way... work, health, sport, all sorts of things. It's great if you can go for years on end and I guess it's something to aim for, but stopping for any length of time is not failing. I think you're doing amazing.

Enjoy the sleepless nights and the overwhelming frustration... but don't feel like you have to start wearing it to school and crap like that. You've got a much better handle on this than you realise.

Laura

Sin this forum tends to be very All or Nothing

That's the goal. Occasional chastity doesn't make sense, because it's mostly protection from yourself. Unless you consider it as a sex toy, but here we discuss serious use

Jen

Sin 🙂 thanks yep I'm glad this was here I didn't see it - I saw it after my last post and reading it I feel better. Yeah I think mostly not during the day I've got better things than making life difficult and yeah school is just wrong wrong. it's kind of weird still being there I can't believe I've got a whole nutha year

Avery

Jen I want to be chaste until I'm with the guy I'm spending my life with. actually i want to just jump ahead and be there now and have the hard part done and feel special and have the history that makes it special and just know that sex and orgasms will only ever be with him.

Well said, Girl.

Jonas

Jen Jonas May I ask exactly what feels like a lie? What do you want to tell yourself?

I want to be chaste until I'm with the guy I'm spending my life with.

Thanks for answering. He's a lucky guy whoever he is. Plus, by that point you'll probably explode at his touch, which would be amazing for both of you.

actually i want to just jump ahead and be there now and have the hard part done

Sorry, no can do! 😀

I like to feel desire - but when I don't have the belt I think I have to completely avoid it so the time belted is like my time off really.

If we can keep on transforming frustration into enjoyment of arousal then we'll be okay.

Jonas .......... , 5 years etc

Yep, yep, yep, 🤯 No wtf are you crazy!!!

Lol.

But yeah that's like a minimum isn't it. Imagining it is a bit dreamy like but thinking I'm going to do it for real - I guess I'm holding onto a list of what if's like reasons I won't be able to

When I have doubts I add security! 🤣

While I appreciate the good sense and moderation in other people's comments, on this I agree with @Laura... "Serious" use (to me) means the belt can't be an on-again off-again thing. Chastity belts have locks!! I know, right?! Insane. But these are there to help keep a committent that can be lost in a single moment of weakness. And what's amazing is that your own body can strongly tip you towards these moments! I know mine certainly is trying its best right now.

I never had any strong religious reasons when I was young, I guess I just got very lucky, but my wife is my first and my one and only. I really like that. It's so cool. At this point in my life I feel I can commit to her being my sexual world forever, no matter what happens. And this feels right too. At a younger age, I don't know if this would be an appropriate commitment to make, but as I am now, I am very, very, happy to make a permanent choice. She's very cool and currently she puts up with me constantly whining about sex. Lol. That's gotta stop too! 😄

Sin

Laura Occasional chastity doesn't make sense, because it's mostly protection from yourself. Unless you consider it as a sex toy, but here we discuss serious use.

It makes perfect sense for many people in that case.

I disagree strongly that it's either 24/7 imprisonment at the hands of someone else, or a sex toy. There's a whole spectrum of users who use chastity belts quite seriously in a variety of different situations, many of whom are regular users on this site. (The majority, some would say). And conversely, there are many who are belted 24/7 but still consider it a sex toy.

"Serious use" means many things to many people.

Avery

Sin I disagree strongly that it's either 24/7 imprisonment at the hands of someone else, or a sex toy.

Amen to that.

Sin There's a whole spectrum of users who use chastity belts quite seriously in a variety of different situations,

It's a tool to help one achieve one's goals. One uses the tool in the best way to help get the job done.

Avery

Jonas I agree with @Laura... "Serious" use (to me) means the belt can't be an on-again off-again thing.

We need to be serious about chastity, not belts. I just think we need to allow for a lifestyle where the belt is just a tool to help us when we need it. And maybe we need it a lot at first. But other than that we need to be committed in our minds to a chaste lifestyle. Without that how are we different from alcoholics who have been sent to prison and are now sober because they have no choice.

Jonas

Avery We need to be serious about chastity, not belts.

Agree that chastity should be the aim and that chastity belt are a tool to help achieve that aim. Also agree a commitment to this life is important.

But, you know, I think enforced abstinence can be useful. When the prisoners in your example get out of jail they're once again free to make a choice about alcohol. Going cold turkey has changed them.
Another example: my mind on cigarettes was highly resistant to quitting, my mind a month or so after quitting was like "wtf was I doing to myself?!"
But even if we were to say that the prisoners were incapable of being reformed... I'm the jailer here. I wrapped this belt around myself to enforce my commitment. I know where I am weak and have corrected the problem.

I guess I'm not looking for personal or spiritual development here, I really do just want to quit wanking and keep my eyes on my wife. She deserves nothing less of me.

It only ends up looking like a personal development thing when you realise that clicking the lock is a choice I made and it was a cool thing to do.

In terms of seriousness, a commitment to chastity must surely be related to duration? As @Jen is realising, there's a big difference between "Loctober" and chastity until marriage. And my own commitment could end up being some pretty serious chastity too.

Avery

Jonas But, you know, I think enforced abstinence can be useful.

You make a variety of good points. I've thought of enforced abstinence, for example, to help me through this current undisciplined period in my usually very disciplined life. Definitely could be useful.

Jonas I guess I'm not looking for personal or spiritual development here,

I'd call that personal development. It's a good thing you are doing.

Jonas In terms of seriousness, a commitment to chastity must surely be related to duration? As @Jen is realising, there's a big difference between "Loctober" and chastity until marriage.

Yup. @Jen said "until I'm with the guy I'm spending my life with". Moi, aussi. Could be years. So to with you, if fact will be longer for you I would think.

We'll each be better off, I think.

Sin

Jonas In terms of seriousness, a commitment to chastity must surely be related to duration? As @Jen is realising, there's a big difference between "Loctober" and chastity until marriage.

True. But bear in mind, @Jen literally only got her first belt a couple of months ago. She has only worn it in public a couple of times. These things take time.

I mean sure.... It's something to aim for. But it's not the end of the world if she goes to the beach now and then.

Keep doing what you're doing Jen! You rock.

carg

Avery I've thought of enforced abstinence, for example, to help me through this current undisciplined period in my usually very disciplined life.

You could find yourself a time-consuming addiction, like a video game, to distract you enough in this period. Trouble is of course that it has to stop again when the break is over 😮

Jonas

Sin

Sin Jonas There's a big difference between "Loctober" and chastity until marriage.

True. But bear in mind, @Jen literally only got her first belt a couple of months ago. She has only worn it in public a couple of times. These things take time.

I agree, and really appreciate the more moderate voices on here, I think you're more help to @Jen than I can be. This is why abuse I suggested regular reviews of the decision (albeit with increasing time between).

I mean sure.... It's something to aim for.

At the very least, I think the commitment between reviews should be as close to absolute as possible.

But it's not the end of the world if she goes to the beach now and then.

Yep. This is where @Avery's posts are so helpful. With a bit of forethought, chastity can be achieved, even on times without the belt. For example just being in public, is in of itself, a kind of chastity belt. It's enough to stop most people having sex and masturbating!

Keep doing what you're doing Jen! You rock.

Agree strongly. 🙂

Jen

@Jonas I can't wear it 24x7 like truly all or nothing would be nothing

@Sin & @Avery thanks yes I'm listening - long term a failure doesn't make it all worthless - yes I need to hold on to that.

Jonas

Jen

Jen @Jonas I can't wear it 24x7 like truly all or nothing would be nothing

I understand. Just beware (speaking from my own experience) that you never quite know when you're going to be really tempted to overrule your commitment to chastity ...and so plan ahead, like @Avery, as to how you're going to deal with it. In my case, yeah, it was easier to wear the belt permanently than deal with all the opportunities to break and bend the rule, but even "permanent" wearing, a degree of sanity remains... I'd be released in a medical emergency for example.

@Sin & @Avery thanks yes I'm listening - long term a failure doesn't make it all worthless - yes I need to hold on to that.

Any commitment to chastity and faithfulness is remarkable and amazing in this world, but I have to say that I've felt really disappointed in the past to have been 100% chaste for like a year and then gone and orgasmed on my own!

"Hey wow Jonas, how long you been in chastity for?" Err... about 20 minutes. 😳

But as @Sin points out, these things take time. I've had literally decades to get my head around chastity and how much it means to me. Though I am certain now that chastity would have been right for me from the moment I became an adult, I could have been a different person for all I knew. Chastity could have been exactly wrong for me.

So, what ever you decide, in all cases: be happy, or work hard to find your happiness!

carg

Jen long term a failure doesn't make it all worthless - yes I need to hold on to that.

I would also say that in this 2 week experiment, there can be no failure: only a positive and a negative outcome. Knowing if this doesn't work, you can reevaluate if and how to continue. In that way it might even, purely theoretically, be a more useful outcome than if you complete the 2 weeks: then you are still not totally sure how it will effect you in the long run.
I am not saying at all that I'm hoping that you won't complete the 2 weeks - I am just glad you are doing the experiment so you learn more about yourself and which approach would make you most happy. I'm just trying to give you a mindset in which you can be content with either outcome. (And I know it can be hard not to associate a negative outcome with failure.)

Of course it is only a valid experiment if you try hard for the positive outcome, so good luck getting through this hard period.

Avery

carg You could find yourself a time-consuming addiction, like a video game, to distract you enough in this period. Trouble is of course that it has to stop again when the break is over

Actually I'm reading "In Montmartre" by Sue Roe about the birth of modern art in Paris at the beginning of the last century. It's in English but there's plenty of French sprinkled in. I learned an excellent new word - fiacre - which I have begun to use as an exclamatory. We're not allowed to swear in the house so when I feel like swearing I can shout out FIACRE and not get into any trouble because all it means is taxicab.

Avery

Jonas For example just being in public, is in of itself, a kind of chastity belt. It's enough to stop most people having sex and masturbating!

E.g. I profited by our German friends touting their relaxed attitude toward nudity by starting to shower out in the open in the locker room. No chance of fooling around there. Every so often someone slaps my bottom with a wet towel but it's a small price to pay. I wonder if that happens in German saunas.

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