Early parenthood

Ines

curious The topic was not about what kind of relationship constellation you want but about parenthood.
And I absolutely think the aforementioned requirements (legal age, qualifications sufficient to earn enough money to sustain a family) should apply to both partners.
How you then actually want to devide tasks (job, household, etc) in a relationshi

Well, so.... according your opinion, limitations due to age are not related with early parenthood...
Interesting...

And secondly, be kind, it is your second warning. You are nobody to say what can I say or what I can not say, so, please be kind as everyone here.

curious

Ines
I am kind and I have said nothing offensive.
I Just pointed out that you did miss the context of this topic.
When I said I wanted both partners to meet the requirements that I had lined out for what I think is appropriate for taking on the responsibility of parenthood.

And again, this has nothing to do with what kind of constellation you want in your life. You can handle that as you wish and I would not tell you that this is right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong from where I stand. This is just between you and your partner. But this is not the topic here in this thread.

Ines

curious I Just pointed out that you did miss the context of this topic.

No, I answered his questions.

curious And again, this has nothing to do with what kind of constellation you want in your life.

I Know.

curious I would not tell you that this is right or wrong

It is funny, because you do not stop of doing it.

curious This is just between you and your partner.

🤷🏻‍♀️

curious But this is not the topic here in this thread.

The topic is related, I answered his questions, and, again, it is closely related to parenthood.

curious I am kind

Will see, maybe in the future.

Ines

curious I am afraid I cannot say much about the way things are in Spain (I believe that is where Ines is from).

After degree, you have to make a National Exam, in it you achieve an order, according the marks.
The public sector offers training places in different hospitals.
The new doctor with the best record chooses what he wants, and then the next one... And the next one...
The specialties vary from 3 to 5 years. The vast majority are 4.

curious

Ines curious Needless to say, this applies to both partners.

Well, here I disagree, personally, I do not want a man that stay in home. I keep the home and on exchange, I work less hours outside.

Maybe this is a bit of a language problem?
I don't think you actually got what I wanted to say.
And this is:
No matter if you are in the role of father or mother, male or female, you should first get your qualifications so you can give financial security to your family and only then think of having children. No matter what you envision your future role to be, having the ability to support yourself and the children by yourself, if life makes this necessary, is essential.

This is completely distinct from deciding who will earn the money, who does household, etc. One is about gaining qualifications that can be used if necessity arises, the other is about individual preferences how you want to define the roles in a relationship (and the latter is not what this topic is about).

Ines

curious Maybe this is a bit of a language problem?

Probably.

curious you should first get your qualifications

Agree.

curious if life makes this necessary, is essential.

Agree, it is basic. I said the same:
Here we agree.

Ines I also believe that it is imprudent to have children too soon, without having professional skills or experience.

curious (and the latter is not what this topic is about).

And I did not talk about it, I answered his questions, that however are intimately related. And remember I am the mod... so, please, stop. Please, if you have complaints, say them to @Laura.

Angelina

Mr-TM

i'll try to answer the question simply. i want to have 3 or 4 children later, but only when i'm financially and emotionally ready. i want to be able to offer my children a safe home and other things as well, and i have to see myself in a position to take responsibility for another human being. i think that won't be the case until my mid-20s at the earliest.

curious This is completely distinct from deciding who will earn the money, who does household, etc.

i disagree because the way work is divided (job, household) has an influence on how intensively the respective partners can take care of the children. a person with a 50 hour week has less time for children than someone who is at home and does the housework.

Avery

Angelina i disagree because the way work is divided (job, household) has an influence on how intensively the respective partners can take care of the children. a person with a 50 hour week has less time for children than someone who is at home and does the housework.

My Dad works with a married lady with children who works 6AM-2PM each day. Her husband works something like 9-5. Therefore the husband is home in the morning to get the kids up and off to school in an unrushed fashion and the wife is home at 2:30PM or so so she can pick them up after school and/or be home when the kids get home. So they get their two incomes and each has some daily time for parenting. Pretty good system I thought, if the employers cooperate. Would also work if there is childcare involved.

curious

Angelina
I was talking about what I consider requirements that should be met before one considers to actually have children.
No matter what you actually decide in a relationship who earns money, who does household, etc. First both partners should get their professional training / studies completed so that they can find a job that can sustain the family.
You might plan that partner A will earn the money and partner B therefore does not need that, but you never know. Maybe life will force partner B to be the primary income earner if partner A has an accident.
Therefore I see these two things as completely separate. One is making sure you are prepared for all eventualities before you take on the responsibility for a child. The other is what you actually want if things work out as you plan.

Angelina

Avery Would also work if there is childcare involved.

I don't really want to argue about whether that's really good or bad, I see it very negatively, but it also depends on how good the parents are in their roles. the system you described is certainly good, but mostly it doesn't work because the working hours can't always be scheduled that way. In order to provide for the children adequately, it usually only works if one partner shortens the working hours

Kaja

Angelina My parents were (and are) working normally - 8 hours per day, 40 hours per week (my mother ussualy more, because she is a teacher - she needs to prepare and checks tests, etc, ...).
And they had all my childhood time for us.

Rafael

I think that a daughter having a son at an early age is a fear of every parent.
A child at that age is an added difficulty for his future and due to hers immaturity, I also don't think she is prepared for the demands of a baby and the education of that child.
In this aspect I think like @Ines , at these ages all girls should focus on achieving a good preparation that allows them to be independent, not on taking care of a child, even if they later decide to have a more domestic life. They can always choose.
I believe that education and seat-belt use as a result of that education can help decisively.

Angelina

curious Therefore I see these two things as completely separate.

i agree with the rest of your post, but i don't see it as separate. it's like many other threads here too, we are required to stay on topic, but some discussions can't be had if you don't go into other aspects because everything is interconnected

Kaja And they had all my childhood time for us.

my father had it too, despite working 50+ hours a week, but he has his office in our house, so it was never a problem, but the physical distance makes it impossible for many

Mr-TM But how do you see it from 18 years (of age)? Sure it always depends on the people involved. But how do you think in general about it.

i think if the children grow up in an intact family and the parents are good parents, it doesn't matter whether they're 18, 25 or 40 🙂

Laura

Mr-TM It was even worse with my ex-wife. She had the children for egosistic reasons.

But if you marry her

Mr-TM

Yes, I married her. After 7 years of relationship and two children. Getting married made no difference to me.
The mistake I made from the beginning was to be too understanding. There was a reason for all her behavior. That's why I tolerated too much of her bad behavior. Then when she was pregnant I faced my responsibility. Unfortunately, I had not only two small children, but also a big one.

Mr-TM

To the medicine savvy here: Isn't the optimal biological age to have children between early and late 20s? So from a purely biological point of view?

@Sara2001
How do you see it? You are in your early 20s and married. Are you already thinking about having children or do you want to wait?

@hanna_anders
I saw that you were reading along. What is your opinion about it?

Ines Well, here I disagree, personally, I do not want a man that stay in home. I keep the home and on exchange, I work less hours outside.

I was raised liberally. So I have no problem with one father staying at home and taking care of the children. Regardless of gender and role in the family, I think it's good if the one who earns more goes to work and the other stays home and takes care of the house and children. In my experience, it is sometimes better for the children if the father takes care of them.

Until now we all agree that before having children you should have a good professional education and not be underage (other opinions are very welcome 🙂 ).
But how do you see it from 18 years (of age)? Sure it always depends on the people involved. But how do you think in general about it.
I personally, after my own experience, find early twenties still too early. Rather mid to late twenties.

Testimonials from parents who have had a child young are also welcome.

Ines

Mr-TM But how do you think in general about it.

I think it is early too, I am a bit older and I have some life experiences as semi professional badminton player, but it is not maturity enough to raise a child, I believe...
Further, with 18 years old professional skills can not be very complete, probably.

Kaja

Mr-TM true

Joh

Mr-TM But how do you see it from 18 years (of age)? Sure it always depends on the people involved. But how do you think in general about it.
I personally, after my own experience, find early twenties still too early. Rather mid to late twenties.

At that time I had decided for myself that in my late 20s I still could not take responsibility for a child. I had not yet reached a self-confident state with my own development.
I think everyone should check themselves if they are really able to take responsibility and support their own child for the next 18-25 years. I see the problem here in the honest answer to this question. Looking back, I would say many will lie to themselves about what they can and cannot do.

Mr-TM

Off topic

Ines semi professional badminton

With cb?

Ines

Mr-TM With cb?

Yes, but never in training or matches.
CB is a tool, not a religion.

Avery

Ines CB is a tool, not a religion.

Well said!

Mr-TM

That means you'll be let out beforehand. At home?

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