Jen I just don't know if I've wrapped myself in a cuddly blanket or a cage - feels like both.
Wow, this hit home. I absolutely understand this description and the conflict that lies underneath it.
Jen the positive changes I've made
Don't know if I've actually done that
Its much easier for me to look back on my life from my 50s and know what to do... I've got the cheat-sheet as it were!! From what I've read you've made incredible changes, but you've always had your doubts too. This is probably a good thing, means you're actively engaged in your life and thinking what you want from it! Sorry that some things (saving yourself for your life-partner) are incompatible with other things (going at it hell for leather).
Jen Jonas Obv I think about breaking chastity every day
I'm like every week - every second week
Jen It's just sitting there - like I could just not put it on tonight - but that scares me too. I know I'll give in to it - I'll wear it. But I have thoughts - I'll just break it so I can't wear it - can't change my mind then!
My belt is really solid and secure. Sometimes this is a huge comfort, sometimes it does make me a little panicy. When I have the belt off for cleaning there is obviously a chance to not put it back on so I tend to go into "robot" mode and do what has to be done without over-thinking things too much.
The lock is quite enough to see me through my daily idle thoughts of escape. I could purge all thoughts of escape if I wanted to, but generally speaking if I'm plagued with them I simply take this as a signal to increase belt security and my own personal commitment.
