Advice for potential new Keyholders

Susan

Laura I am not completely sure, I meant to ask her. They did order it through Alexis, the lady that owns the shop, so who knows. Let me find out. I was wearing my MYSteel belt when I showed Jane. Maybe they got that one.

Joh

Susan Do you know if Jane visits the forum as a visitor and reads here?

Susan

Joh I have mentioned it to her but don't know for sure. I think it would benefit her and her mom to read it and join it.

Joh

Susan I See it in the Same way. It would be good to inform herself about the belt and what it means from different oppinion. Our forum is not so bad for this.

Susan

Joh It is good for sure. It helped AJ at the beginning for sure and helped me know that there are others out her wearing a belt. I know AJ has mentioned it to Monica too. Hopefully they at least browse, if not join.

Joh

Susan I Hope so too and we did our best to keep her in line 😉
It worked with AJ an d I hope we can help her as well.
I think it will not hurt If you recommend it to Jane again included a link. So it will be her decision after she got all information for sure.

Susan

Joh I have mentioned it to Jane several times, that this is a good place to get good advice from a whole bunch of people. If she does end up wearing a belt, she is not alone, there are others besides me and Kate that she can talk to. It would be a big step, but others out there will help.

Owl

Jenna Monica, is a single woman, divorced, [...] financial costs, which did not seem to be an issue [...]

To be taken with a grain of salt, yet... Since this is a chastity forum, I am wondering if s.o. already suggested Monica to become a shining and contagious example of adopting a good, chaste lifestyle incl. proper protection as well. Above biographical data read like she'd well qualify. ;-)

BTW: Not wanting to restart the 'Chaste Jenna'-Discussion; Jenna can reasonably argue with her committed relationship. Monica however meets the criteria for being target group of chastity without question. Tell me if I missed something.

youdontknowme

Owl There is certainly a case to be made there. While I would definitely not argue that every single woman would be locked up, if she set that example she would basically putting her money where her mouth is when it comes to

framing the chastity as something else than a punishment
demonstrating that chastity is something you can accept into your life out of your own free will
assuring her daughter that she knows what she feels like

Jenna

Owl How did I know you would venture in that direction 😀? That would like be a "tough ask". Her priority, I am sure, is to get her daughter under control. I doubt she would wear one too, but one never knows...

For what it is worth I have mentioned the forum several times, as Susan has to Jane, that they should at the very least look at the posts and the wide variety of opinions and strong advice offered here. My hope is that they do so and that both know that there is a community out there that understands the challenges that Monica and Jane will face if indeed they go down this road, as appears likely.

Owl

youdontknowme
... Including a ton of first-hand insider knowledge: Not just on comfort / sustainability. But also what tricks the primal parts of the brain use to cheat, bypass device(s) - and what could be done to counter it and harden chastity.

Having statistically more similar CNS and "intimate anatomy" (because biologically related) is probably a bonus in that matter. I wouldn't rely too much on it, though...

Besides it might be the controlling, dominant, (over-?)concerned (and maybe just slightly sadistic 😁 ) side of me, that likes to see Jenna and her family spread the glad tidings of chastity further.

(And if someone reads a touch sarcasm from my last sentence, let me emphasize: Only a tiny hint of. I mean it: Your job to make it glad tidings! Whoever reads this: Please safe, sane, consensual, ...)

Jenna

youdontknowme This is the part that makes the forum so valuable. It was important to me the both Susan and Kate not view chastity as a punishment, but rather as an aide to help avoid serious mistakes. With Jane, those mistakes have already been made, and luckily with her few long term damages aside from reputational damage and shame brought upon her and her mother.

youdontknowme demonstrating that chastity is something you can accept into your life out of your own free will

This is also a big deal and I hope that Monica is able to convince Jane of this as I have with my girls. You may not like wearing a belt, and the restrictions that come with it, but if you accept why it is necessary and why it should be worn it makes it easier to accept.

youdontknowme

Owl And if someone reads a touch sarcasm from my last sentence, let me emphasize: Only a tiny hint of. I mean it: Your job to make it glad tidings! Whoever reads this: Please safe, sane, consensual, ...

Indeed. I would say the fight against non-consensual chastity is as much in defense of consensual chastity as it is in defense of the right to non-chastity. A wearer who resents their device is ultimately someone who is unlikely to ever experience the happiness that a healthy chastity dynamic can offer.

In a way, there is also something machiavellian about it. While Machiavelli famously advocated that ruling by fear is safer than ruling by love, he also said it should be best that a ruler is both feared and loved. And more importantly:

A prince ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred

pestulens

youdontknowme While I prefer the discourses to the prince, I never subscribed to the theory that the prince was intended as sabotage. This piece of advice and a few others like it are a big part of the reason why.

WriterAlexis

youdontknowme

it should be best that a ruler is both feared and loved.

But you have to be somewhat realistic about the possibility of that being accomplished.

"Since love and fear can hardly exist together"

Sasha

youdontknowme he also said it should be best that a ruler is both feared and loved

These have been the best military commanders in history. They are feared by their enemies, but have also earned their respect.
Suffice to say not many accomplish this goal

youdontknowme

pestulens I never subscribed to the theory that the prince was intended as sabotage.

The way I heard it, Machiavelli wrote it for a ruthless lord, and a large reason why he spoke so favorably of rule by fear is because that is what the lord expected. But he also wrote in the words about trying to maintain a basic amount of love and avoiding hatred to discourage a reign of terror.

WriterAlexis But you have to be somewhat realistic about the possibility of that being accomplished.

"Since love and fear can hardly exist together"

I feel that a healthy balance of those can exist, though obviously the fear can only be so strong before it starts eating away at the love.

Sasha These have been the best military commanders in history. They are feared by their enemies, but have also earned their respect.
Suffice to say not many accomplish this goal

Not just military commanders by their enemy. Their own soldiers also often have a mix of love and fear when it comes to an effective commander.

And not just in military terms either. Authority figures everywhere are like that. Respect for an authority figure is based on fear and love being in balance. Teachers, bosses, police officers... you name it.

Angelina

Susan and like you all thought, they did go back to Alexis' place right after we met

Thanks for the update, I'm horrified, so many things were done wrong and, above all, it greatly devalues your conversation. I think Jane didn't know that she would be measured after the conversation, the decision was already made by Monika alone before you spoke. I think your conversation served as an alibi to convince Jane to come along. If thigh bands were also ordered, it also looks as if masturbation is to be prevented, because thigh bands are not necessary to prevent "just sex". My pity for Jane, you can feel sorry for her 🙁

The right way would have been if Monica and Jane had gone home after the conversation, talked about the conversation and only made a decision a few days later

Susan She said she and her mom have had multiple talks about it, trying to prepare her for wearing it.

Can you explain in more detail, how should Jane wear belt and thighbands?

Susan

Angelina I agree with you. Monica jumped into this too fast, there should have been more time but the belt and the bands are on order. I have tried to tell her to chill, and AJ has talked with her too. I am hoping both join the forum or at least look at what others say here. No belt yet, but I am sure Jane will reach out when it arrives.

As for thighbands, I guess they were ordered out of frustration by her mom to stop everything. Truthfully I think Monica would just be happy if she just stopped having sex.

Angelina

Susan As for thighbands, I guess they were ordered out of frustration by her mom to stop everything. Truthfully I think Monica would just be happy if she just stopped having sex.

i'm not defending what Jane did, but Monica is taking a wrong turn, the belt will feel like a punishment to Jane if she doesn't also think it helps to wear one. i'm a little worried that the wearing rules will be an overreaction just like the thighbands thing, keep us posted please

Sasha

Angelina the belt will feel like a punishment

Won’t feel like, it will be a punishment. And given what we know the rules will most likely be very strict.
I saw mine and the restrictions as a tool to grow and develop from what I was. Because I accepted I had a problem.
Without that acceptance this is nothing less than a punishment to her

Susan

Angelina I think you are right, Monica is coming on too strong. Jane texted me today and said that her mom got the shipping notification and the belt is being delivered next week. She is nervous, but I will talk to her, I told her it's scary at first but you get used to it.

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