Contrary to popular opinion, I was not devoured by a mountain lion.
I did, however, lose access to my phone for a week. Nominally, the charges were forging a signature to join Mensa without permission. I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling US postal service employees. (In my defense, I was not expecting a certificate and a whole-ass magazine to come in the mail.) Real talk- who the hell prints magazines anymore?
Time served, I have some reading to catch up on today.