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Various Things
Stay in a community that shares the same values. Not necessary a religion but for example a chatolic young volunteering association
Totally avoid places where promiscuity is abundant, like disco
Find true friends that respect you and support your life decisions
Reduce the lazy time. If your mind (and your body) is always occupied, less possibility that hands drift down
Set accomplishable goals.
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Avery
I like your approach of avoiding the areas that can turn you on or tempt you.
What I think needs to be done first is to think about why I want to remain chaste and whether I am really ready to realise this with all its consequences.
As you wrote yourself, you don't want random sex encounters, but you want to experience sex with someone you are sure is the right person for a stable and long-lasting relationship. Since the sex drive is a natural disposition in us, it is hardly possible to simply switch it off. Everyone has to ask themselves the question: if I'm waiting for the right person, is masturbation an obstacle or is it independent of it? It will reduce the urge and therefore also the risk of becoming weak just to reduce it.
You have listed various measures that you use to reduce temptation. This means that everyone has to consider
- what turns me on or what situation excites me, e.g. when I see attractive men/women in adverts
- Which situations are associated with the risk of being approached, e.g. going to bars
- what reduces my inhibitions. e.g. alcohol
- What situations tempt me to have sexual thoughts when I am alone?
Talk with your best friend about it and seek help and support if you have problems.
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Avery I agree that all of the measures you’ve implemented are very productive in your endeavor.
But I think you should do a lot of self reflection on masturbation. Primarily focusing on A: why do you personally feel it’s wrong or unproductive in moderation, and B: if you were to do so, would it be a hindrance or distraction from important things? Sports, studies, friends, etc. obviously none of us can answer this for you.
You mentioned groups where this lifestyle seems easier and more supported, but unless i misread the post I didn’t see you mention having a support structure in your own life.
This I feel is a critical component to changing any behavior, especially in matters of addiction or something that is so engrained that most consider it normal. If there’s no one to support, encourage and hold us accountable, there’s not much stopping us from doing a given activity.
Hope that helps a little.
@Milord Disco? Is that still a thing?
Sasha very reasonble topic.
For the disco: I'm too old for this, but young people still go
For masturbation: you are 100% right. And let me add: i see that there is a general idea that masturbation is the first step in a sinful, meaningless life
Its not. Most people masturbate, and we are no full of crazy sex addicts searching sexual relief sabotaging their own life. There is the pathology, when it's excessive, but for 99 dot something is nothing so terrible, they don't even give a second thought. So I think, @Avery you should have an unbiased approach if removing masturbation from your life is a good idea or not
Milord For the disco: I'm too old for this, but young people still go
I think we call them clubs now, since disco sounds so 1970s.
BTW, this seems to be the 1000th topic.
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Same here.
In fact, we obviously have "clubs" of all classes, but in a conversation the word "club" without more background ( books club, chess Club...) has negative connotations.
A "club" is a local where "gentlemen" pay for sex.
If your boyfriend says " last night I went with my friends to a club", the logic reaction is slap his face.
Ines In fact, we obviously have "clubs" of all classes, but in a conversation the word "club" without more background ( books club, chess Club...)
The club that we are talking about would be a night club
Ines has negative connotations.
A "club" is a local where "gentlemen" pay for sex.If your boyfriend says " last night I went with my friend
Ah... we actually have something similar to that. If you visit a sauna, you are going to be sitting in a room naked with other naked visitors and an oven is heating up the room to make you sweat. If you visit a sauna club, you will be sitting in a room naked with naked... employees of that establishment who specialize in... other ways to make you sweat. Usually attractive female employees serving less attractive male customers, to my knowledge. Not that I have any personal experience, even as someone who falls into the "less attractive male" category.
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Milord I think book clubs ought to be fine. Computer clubs too, those have a history of leading to less sex for its members.
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Avery changed the title to ... .
Joh so many thoughts and serious concerns and it quickly devolves into jokes... I can see why she would be disappointed and am almost sorry for participating.
Big almost though as nothing is too serious to joke about.
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youdontknowme so many thoughts and serious concerns and it quickly devolves into jokes... I can see why she would be disappointed and am almost sorry for participating.
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I have to move this topic to trash because it has no title