Talking with a submissive friend about chastity belt, she said that she will obey but that she will be deeply hurt if her Dom order her to wear a chastity belt, because few things talk more about lack of trust than a chastity belt. It's something that I never considered, but should be, because thinking about it, I receive the same impression.
What is your idea?
Perfectly valid for her. Not applicable for many others. Even in a BDSM relationship. I imagine that you, as an experienced dom, have sometimes tied up your sub in shibari style ropework. Will she feel hurt, because you don't trust her near you with her hands free?
Between consenting adults can be anything. Control, erotic play, and also lack of trust. Between parent and child definitely speaks for lack of trust. Then for someone it is not, but for the outside world I think it's a very common idea.
I hate shibari. I tie with leather and metal, but that's not important. I never heard of someone that ties for lack of trust. Bondage is for other reasons.
I don't think it has to be a trust thing, in that context. I completely trust my girlfriend, but we both still like her wearing a belt because of the effect it has on her.
Ask her if she can trust herself
Milord I'm in a D/s relationship and the belt has absolutely nothing to do with trust. I have had this suggested to me several times (mostly by men) but for us it is not about trust. I would not be in a relationship with someone who does not trust me. The fact is, I could still cheat. The belt does not prevent me from providing oral to someone.
At the end of the day I feel very secure in my relationship. I know my partner trusts me. The belt is nothing more than an exchange of power. It's a way to give him more control, which is what we want.
Milord I could see her point if out of nowhere it was introduced, orgasm denial hadn’t been part of the dynamic, it’s not a bondage thing, etc. So other then lack of trust can’t see it being taken many other ways, in that context.
But as @Laura said, I couldn’t trust myself so it was the perfect tool.
There’s a lot of ways a chastity belt can be seen from inside and outside the relationship. Abuse, a tool for self improvement, used because of trust issues, used to manipulate someone, kinky games, etc.
like many other things there’s no one clear way to look at it
I'm familiar with Ds relationship, for me there is nothing to add. Trust is a pillar, from both side. Without it this kind of relationship fails in no time. But you may accept that different people have different feelings. What is your feeling when it's not between consensing adult but the belted one is the daughter? It's the same for you? Asking to a fellow person in Ds relationship like I used to be
Milord Talking with a submissive friend about chastity belt, she said that she will obey but that she will be deeply hurt
It sounds to me as if it wasn't discussed in detail why the DOM wants it that way now. If he wants it because of power exchange to make her constantly aware of her position, that is certainly an understandable reason and has nothing to do with mistrust.
Joh It sounds to me as if it wasn't discussed in detail why the DOM wants it that way now.
right, that's the point also to the question of @Milord. i think it always depends on the reason why the belt is in play, it can of course be the reason, as in my case, that parents do not trust their daughter, also in a relationship lack of trust in the fidelity of the partner can be a reason for a belt, but it can also be love and devotion reasons. especially in a sub/dom relationship i think it has nothing to do with mistrust, but rather with the exercise of power that is wanted in the kind of relationship
If I didn't trust my wife enough,I would never ask her to wear a chastitybelt.until now,nobody knows she wears a belt,even our parents.
Milord Talking with a submissive friend about chastity belt, she said that she will obey but that she will be deeply hurt if her Dom order her to wear a chastity belt, because few things talk more about lack of trust than a chastity belt.
For me, a chastity belt in a BDSM relationship should not be seen as an expression of mistrust, but as a tool to discipline the submissive, in the first instance depriving him/her of the possibility to masturbate as well as inflicting a certain discomfort on him/her.
Andrew
Agree, but each sees (and lives) a chastity belt in a different way. I just used it as a point of discussion to talk about trust. For me, it's instinctive to perceive it as a lack of trust. If I lock something (a fridge, the door of the room where i keep my prized possessions, your genitals) and I don't give you the key, I'm not trusting you.
Then on second thought, I can think differently, but my first impression is this.
Milord A good Ds relationships exists because of trust,
right and I have this trust when I let my partner control access to my most intimate places. I don't have any direct insight into such a relationship, but many Ds relationships I've read about use a chastity belt for exactly that reason
Agree
Not the right place, but a Ds relationship is one of the most beautiful, empowering and enlightening experience a couple can have, because it requires an enormous amount of trust (mostly from submissive) and care (mostly from dominant). Thinking as a sexual thing is really very limiting. My wife once told me that the most difficult thing is showing her heart, not her body.
But there are people that live being belted as a lack of trust, and it should be taken into account.
A Ds relationship works only if the Dom always has her submissive needs and well-being in mind.
I don't see it as a lack of trust. On the contrary it is a deep, intimate and very personal connection between us. It heightens my sense of longing and desire towards my partner, and we use it as a tool to channel my energy in an appropriate direction. In many ways it is similar to yin yoga, where one has to ride the waves of discomfort and give in to a physically challenging situation. It helps me to strengthen my mind and my mental resilience.
On the other side of the coin, I enjoy locking my partner up... I like that it ensures compliance and I enjoy the sense of control I get from the helplessness of their situation. Trust doesn't come into it. Or rather, we have a deep sense of trust to begin with. If it's the base of the relationship it will heighten the experience for both of you. If trust is an issue then it's a recipe for disaster.
