Newbie's questions

Vanessa

It is not totally illogical;if it is the worst offense,he wants to use the worst punishment.Even,if,in my case,my parents try to make at least a part of the punishment related to what I did.

Angelina

Vanessa

my punishment would partly be related to the crime (lying), but it must be very painful (emotional) 🙁

Vanessa

Angelina

Emotional punishment are the worst,but I'm not sure these are right...A punishment should be very unpleasant,but not hurt badly someone emotionally.

Knowing we disappointed our parents,for example,can be emotionally painful,sure,but it's moderate,and,after the punishment is done,it's forgiven.

Angelina

Vanessa

after the punishment everything is fine again within the family, but it should hurt as much emotionally as it hurts my father when I lie 🙁

Vanessa

Angelina

Making you end your relationship seems way more hurtful than lying,even if it is a major offense...

Especially as he knows you're in love.

Angelina

Vanessa

it's true that in many families it is inappropriate, but it is the values and norms that dominate in our family and so far it works very well, even if I have to be careful

Vanessa

Angelina

At least,as you know the punishment in advance,you can take care to not do any offenses which could be punished that way...But I still think it is too severe for a punishment,especially if not directly related to the offense.Some of your punishments are less strict(no spanking,grounding with leisures allowed...),but this one is worse than many of the ones most of us can get.

Angelina

Vanessa

it's simply because we have a very clear separation of easy misconduct and serious misconduct, that's why i sometimes have much easier but sometimes also much harder punishments

Vanessa

Angelina

Right,it seems your range of punishments is greater than for some of us here.I hope there is not too much rules implying serious misconduct if you disobey...

Angelina

Vanessa

lie
cheat on my equipment
insults (it depends on the seriousness)

I think it's hard but fair, because I have many rather light punishments for others 😉

Vanessa

Angelina

I still think forced break-up is too hard,but I agree these are serious offenses.

Nothing about smoking/being drunk/using drugs,or taking risks(coming home late,by night,while taking a shortcut throught a park or a dark alley,for example)?

Angelina

Vanessa Nothing about smoking/being drunk/using drugs,or taking risks(coming home late,by night,while taking a shortcut throught a park or a dark alley,for example)?

that would be level 2 so to speak. the punishments for this are not so severe that I would have to end my relationship, but I would be grounded for a very long time and would have to write very long essays 🙁

Vanessa

Angelina

It is not surprising it is severely punished,but I thought it would be considered as serious as the other ones.It is very serious offenses in my case(and I mainly agree about it).

Angelina

Vanessa

there are different levels in my family, my father sets then for each level a penalty. the exact penalty is then in the contract and is measured according to the severity within this gradation

sounds complicated, it is 😉

but it is under lies and the breakage of my devices, because in our home the ideology of the family is above the ideology of an individual

Vanessa

Angelina

It is less formal in my family,but there is offenses more serious than others and it can be more or less severe depending on how much I break a rule,and if it is a repeated offense or not.

It is surprising he considers such dangerous behavior less serious than other ones,but I understand it depends on his opinion(even if I don't share it).

Angelina

Vanessa and it can be more or less severe depending on how much I break a rule,and if it is a repeated offense or not.

this is the same with me, also my punishment depends very much on whether I do something on purpose or by accident

Vanessa It is surprising he considers such dangerous behavior less serious than other ones

you can believe me, i get hard punishments when i put myself in danger, but the family is above the individual

Vanessa

Angelina my punishment depends very much on whether I do something on purpose or by accident

Same.I think it is logical and fair.

Angelina you can believe me, i get hard punishments when i put myself in danger, but the family is above the individual

But if you're hurt,it would hurt the family,too...

Angelina

Vanessa But if you're hurt,it would hurt the family,too...

of course and my father would be very worried about me, but would also punish me severely (if it was my own fault) . it is more about family morals and values and norms

Vanessa

Angelina

Same for me,my parents would be worried,but if it is my own fault,I would get a very severe punishment.

So,if you had the choice,it would be better to tell your father you tried smoking than trying to lie about it?

Angelina

Vanessa

when i smoke and tell my father i am also punished, but if my father catches me smoking then even harder and hardest when my father asks me and i lie to him

because the punishment for lying would be in addition to the punishment for smoking

Vanessa

Angelina

It is the same in my case,if I lie(like to try to avoid a punishment),it'll be more severe.

But,in your case,the punishment for lying would be the worse,while,in my case,it would be the one for smoking.

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