Newbie's questions

Angelina

it's true that in many families it is inappropriate, but it is the values and norms that dominate in our family and so far it works very well, even if I have to be careful

Vanessa

Angelina

At least,as you know the punishment in advance,you can take care to not do any offenses which could be punished that way...But I still think it is too severe for a punishment,especially if not directly related to the offense.Some of your punishments are less strict(no spanking,grounding with leisures allowed...),but this one is worse than many of the ones most of us can get.

Angelina

Vanessa

it's simply because we have a very clear separation of easy misconduct and serious misconduct, that's why i sometimes have much easier but sometimes also much harder punishments

Vanessa

Angelina

Right,it seems your range of punishments is greater than for some of us here.I hope there is not too much rules implying serious misconduct if you disobey...

Angelina

Vanessa

lie
cheat on my equipment
insults (it depends on the seriousness)

I think it's hard but fair, because I have many rather light punishments for others 😉

Vanessa

Angelina

I still think forced break-up is too hard,but I agree these are serious offenses.

Nothing about smoking/being drunk/using drugs,or taking risks(coming home late,by night,while taking a shortcut throught a park or a dark alley,for example)?

Angelina

Vanessa Nothing about smoking/being drunk/using drugs,or taking risks(coming home late,by night,while taking a shortcut throught a park or a dark alley,for example)?

that would be level 2 so to speak. the punishments for this are not so severe that I would have to end my relationship, but I would be grounded for a very long time and would have to write very long essays 🙁

Vanessa

Angelina

It is not surprising it is severely punished,but I thought it would be considered as serious as the other ones.It is very serious offenses in my case(and I mainly agree about it).

Angelina

Vanessa

there are different levels in my family, my father sets then for each level a penalty. the exact penalty is then in the contract and is measured according to the severity within this gradation

sounds complicated, it is 😉

but it is under lies and the breakage of my devices, because in our home the ideology of the family is above the ideology of an individual

Vanessa

Angelina

It is less formal in my family,but there is offenses more serious than others and it can be more or less severe depending on how much I break a rule,and if it is a repeated offense or not.

It is surprising he considers such dangerous behavior less serious than other ones,but I understand it depends on his opinion(even if I don't share it).

Angelina

Vanessa and it can be more or less severe depending on how much I break a rule,and if it is a repeated offense or not.

this is the same with me, also my punishment depends very much on whether I do something on purpose or by accident

Vanessa It is surprising he considers such dangerous behavior less serious than other ones

you can believe me, i get hard punishments when i put myself in danger, but the family is above the individual

Vanessa

Angelina my punishment depends very much on whether I do something on purpose or by accident

Same.I think it is logical and fair.

Angelina you can believe me, i get hard punishments when i put myself in danger, but the family is above the individual

But if you're hurt,it would hurt the family,too...

Angelina

Vanessa But if you're hurt,it would hurt the family,too...

of course and my father would be very worried about me, but would also punish me severely (if it was my own fault) . it is more about family morals and values and norms

Vanessa

Angelina

Same for me,my parents would be worried,but if it is my own fault,I would get a very severe punishment.

So,if you had the choice,it would be better to tell your father you tried smoking than trying to lie about it?

Angelina

Vanessa

when i smoke and tell my father i am also punished, but if my father catches me smoking then even harder and hardest when my father asks me and i lie to him

because the punishment for lying would be in addition to the punishment for smoking

Vanessa

Angelina

It is the same in my case,if I lie(like to try to avoid a punishment),it'll be more severe.

But,in your case,the punishment for lying would be the worse,while,in my case,it would be the one for smoking.

Angelina

Vanessa

i read it again yesterday . if i smoke i am grounded for 2 weeks and have to write an essay of 10 pages. if i lie to him about it i am grounded for 6 weeks and have 25 pages of essay 🙁

Vanessa

Angelina

Much more!

I still find that lieing is not that worse than doing something endangering your health,but as long as you're fine with it and that you take care to not break these rules,I guess it is ok.

Sara2001

Vanessa I still find that lieing is not that worse than doing something endangering your health,but as long as you're fine with it and that you take care to not break these rules,I guess it is ok.

In our family "bringing yourself in danger" and lying has almost the same and hardest consequences, but endangering almost never happened. After this comes disrespect and disobedience. Both very severe punished but not as severe than the first two.

Angelina

Vanessa Much more!

therefore I often admit misconduct myself

Sara2001 In our family "bringing yourself in danger" and lying has almost the same and hardest consequences

just like me, but lying will be punished much harder, but right after that come things that I endanger myself or others

Vanessa

Sara2001

I understand more that order of importance for the rules.

And,yes,it can happen more easily to lie than to do dangerous behavior.

Angelina therefore I often admit misconduct myself

Wise decision!

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