Home and family rules

Angelina

Vanessa It was not easy,but worth it.

at least i have managed that none of my contracts says as a punishment that there are restrictions that camryn is allowed to visit me 🙂

Vanessa I may do it,but I don't think they would care about my opinion on this subject...

well you have to take this task very seriously and the punishment must be very hard, i know it is difficult to think of punishment for yourself but it is worth it for the relationship 🙂

Vanessa

Angelina at least i have managed that none of my contracts says as a punishment that there are restrictions that camryn is allowed to visit me 🙂

If understandable you manage that there would be no punishment implying you have to break-up with her,it is surprising you managed to not be forbidden to meet her for a few times(even a few days),as punishment!

Angelina well you have to take this task very seriously and the punishment must be very hard, i know it is difficult to think of punishment for yourself but it is worth it for the relationship 🙂

The most difficult part would be to make my parents accept I can have a part in what punishment I could get if I misbehave.But I would think about it.

Sara2001

Vanessa The most difficult part would be to make my parents accept I can have a part in what punishment I could get if I misbehave.But I would think about it.

This would be the same for me, too. Sometimes my bf tries to make me a suggestion for a punishment, but I never do.

Angelina

Vanessa it is surprising you managed to not be forbidden to meet her for a few times(even a few days),as punishment!

in return she has promised to support me, for example, if I am grounded and am not allowed to leave my room, she brings me food or drink for example because I have no desire to constantly ask my father for permission

Sara2001 Sometimes my bf tries to make me a suggestion for a punishment, but I never do.

this is something i don't understand, it doesn't feel soo bad for me when i design the punishment (at least partly) by myself as if not

Vanessa

Sara2001

Would you be punished if doing it,or would it only be not taken into account?

Angelina in return she has promised to support me, for example, if I am grounded and am not allowed to leave my room, she brings me food or drink for example because I have no desire to constantly ask my father for permission

Still surprising your father accepted it.

Sara2001 I am raised with the idea that the punished person should not have any saying when it comes to the punishment.

Same for me.

Sarah

Same for me too.

Angelina

The purpose of the punishment is to not be pleasant at all,and our parents probably think it would be more effective if we can't have our input taken into account for it,as we would always try to get one a bit "less worse"(logical,no one want to be punished,and the less hard it is,the better it is for us).

Sarah

And if you don't accept it was necessary?

Sara2001

Angelina this is something i don't understand, it doesn't feel soo bad for me when i design the punishment (at least partly) by myself as if not

I am raised with the idea that the punished person should not have any saying when it comes to the punishment. I was never allowed to suggest a punishment before.

Angelina

Sara2001

would it be accepted if the punishment were very severe? (theoretical question only)

Sarah

Sara2001 I am same, mom never asked if I wanted a punishment, it happened and I accepted, my liking it was never even considered

Sara2001

Angelina would it be accepted if the punishment were very severe? (theoretical question only)

It is clearly forbidden in any situation. My father always said: "We are not on a market place", when any of us tried to make a suggestion.

Vanessa Would you be punished if doing it,or would it only be not taken into account?

It would very notably increase the punishment, I haven't tried it in a long time, but I think something between 50+100% more severe. Depending on the situation.

Angelina

Sarah my liking it was never even considered

this is also not the idea behind it, the idea behind it is that we deal with our misconduct and develop an appropriate punishment that does justice to the seriousness of the guilt. but of course the parents have the last word

Sarah

always mom had the last word once i had accepted punishment was nessecary

Angelina

Sarah always mom had the last word once i had accepted punishment was nessecary

of course the parents have the last word, it's all about participation

Vanessa Still surprising your father accepted it.

that camryn supports me or that she may continue to visit me ?

Vanessa The purpose of the punishment is to not be pleasant at all,and our parents probably think it would be more effective if we can't have our input taken into account for it,as we would always try to get one a bit "less worse"(logical,no one want to be punished,and the less hard it is,the better it is for us).

that's why it's more about dealing with my own misconduct, that's why my father's essays are very important and whenever I'm punished there is always a long conversation beforehand

Sara2001 "We are not on a market place",

I think our fathers would fight a lot 😉 understandably your father has a different educational approach than mine

Vanessa

Sara2001 It would very notably increase the punishment, I haven't tried it in a long time, but I think something between 50+100% more severe. Depending on the situation.

Very hard.In my case,I would be told I shouldn't give my opinion about my punishment,or something similar,but I would be punished for it only if I insist after being warned.

Sarah

if you tried to not agree immediately you made a mistake,would it have made the punishment longer/more severe that if you have agreed quickly?

Angelina that camryn supports me or that she may continue to visit me ?

That she may continue to visit you.

Angelina that's why it's more about dealing with my own misconduct, that's why my father's essays are very important and whenever I'm punished there is always a long conversation beforehand

If I can understand my parent's opinion on it,your father one is understandable too.It is very different,but both seems logical.

Sarah

I always had to agree that I had made a mistake or was wrong, once that was established I was already on the defensive, then mom decided the punishment although most were preordained, it was only the duration or severity that was left for her to decide generally.

Angelina

Vanessa That she may continue to visit you.

I managed that, but some of my punishments have become harder, but it is worth it 🙂

Vanessa If I can understand my parent's opinion on it,your father one is understandable too.It is very different,but both seems logical.

yes there are different approaches, my father is convinced that my behaviour changes best when i think about it a lot and express these thoughts

Vanessa

Angelina ome of my punishments have become harder, but it is worth it 🙂

I understand you!

Angelina when i think about it a lot

It is one the main reason for my cornertime.

Angelina

Vanessa It is one the main reason for my cornertime.

that's true, but my father says it's better to write down my thoughts 🙂

Vanessa

Angelina

I think both can work,but differently.For some,cornertime would work better,but,for others,writing would be more effective.

Angelina

Vanessa

yes, but I am allowed to keep the essays I write (after my father has read them), so before I get to "stupid ideas", I can always reread what was wrong the last time

Vanessa

Angelina

Not a bad idea,does it help a lot?

bismarck

Angelina I think your essays may be post some time when it is appropriate as it may be very valuable for others to read, such as psychological implications, as they are done under some specific situations and it's better not to have another person in similarly unpleasant situations to get the feedback.

Angelina

Vanessa does it help a lot?

I admit it helps a little bit

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