Should only females get belted?

Angelina

Sara2001

if he chooses the better alternative most of the time and has a good sense of your wishes it can work, of course 🙂

Sara2001

Angelina if he chooses the better alternative most of the time and has a good sense of your wishes it can work, of course

Our whole system is not about my opinion against his opinion but based on knowledge about the wishes and needs of the other one and about being happy because the other one is happy with what you did for him/her. This is a two way system. We have just different roles. I take care about what makes him happy in the concrete situation and don't think to much about the long run, he takes care about what makes me happy in long run and should not worry about my wishes (but about my needs) in the current situation. In a concrete situation, we always do what he wants and never what I want, but it is his job to suggest things that are nice and/or necessary for me and that make me feel valued and cared.

Angelina

Sara2001

interesting, i notice that we have a similar constellation, but our roles are not divided between dominant and submissive. but also in our case camryn mostly takes care of short term things (because that requires more spontaneity and flexibility) and i rather take care of long term things that need planning.

Vanessa

Sara2001 his mood is must not be important for my punishment

Good he take care to not let his mood affect your punishment,yes.

Sara2001 I will get my chance to explain my point later

Yes,but if you've already been punished,it wouldn't help much...

Sara2001 If we had an argument about something, he can't be wrong about punishing me 🙂

Even if he's wrong?

Sara2001 On the very rare occasion that they happen and he sees this later, he apologizes for it and we talk about how we can prevent it in the future, but there is no compensation like a smaller punishment next time or anything like this.

So,even if you get an unfair punishment,you consider it as if it was not important?

Can't it affect how you felt about the rules and reasons to be punished?In my case,if I would get punished even if I haven't did anything wrong,I would have troubles to respect my rules,knowing I may be punished even if I do it...

Sara2001 HER boyfriend

🤣

Sorry for the mistake!

Angelina of course, but better than always being punished for something we did by mistake. 😉

Maybe,but it can be felt as something very unfair,and accepted less...

Sara2001

But is he skilled to know what is important for you in the long run?

What about major steps?Being pregnant,moving to you own house,etc...?

Sara2001

Vanessa Yes,but if you've already been punished,it wouldn't help much...

It will probably help me next time.

Vanessa Even if he's wrong?

If I argue, I am in trouble, no matter if he is wrong. I have to accept wrong decisions, too. It's not on me to choose what is right or wrong.

Vanessa So,even if you get an unfair punishment,you consider it as if it was not important?

Yes, even if it was an unfair punishment. I accept that he is not perfect. I accept that he will make mistakes. I accept to get an unfair punishment from time to time, because otherwise he couldn't be really in charge. I would not accept regular unfair punishments, but this only happens very, very rarely. So I accept it as necessary part of the relationship and I am not angry on him when it happens. As I said, he is not perfect and makes mistakes.

Vanessa Can't it affect how you felt about the rules and reasons to be punished?In my case,if I would get punished even if I haven't did anything wrong,I would have troubles to respect my rules,knowing I may be punished even if I do it...

It's very important, that we talk about it later. We talk until our feelings and points of view are clear to eachother. Not with the goal to let someone win s discussion, but to handle it better, next time.

Vanessa But is he skilled to know what is important for you in the long run?

He is skilled enough to understand that he needs to know what is important in the long run. Talking is the key, talking, talking, talking and acceptance that mistakes will happen. A mistake that will be corrected and not repeated is not a problem.

Vanessa What about major steps?Being pregnant,moving to you own house,etc...?

We talk about it, the more important, the more often we talk about it. But on the other hand, the closer our relationship is, the less often I have a saying.

He has more and more control over important things, like the decision that I will not work in my job after my apprenticeship. He also told me that I will not see our first apartment that we will rent together, before we move in, to prove how I handle such a situation.

Angelina

Vanessa Maybe,but it can be felt as something very unfair,and accepted less...

as I said, it at least feels fairer than if I am always punished for accidental misbehaviour.

Sara2001 Yes, even if it was an unfair punishment. I accept that he is not perfect. I accept that he will make mistakes

i understand that, but he could be more perfect if it took your view of things and your opinion more into account 🙂

Vanessa

Sara2001 It will probably help me next time.

It is possible to think about it that way,yes.

Sara2001 I have to accept wrong decisions, too.

I feel it very unfair,and not right at all.And counter-productive;if he can make wrong decision,or use wrong rules,why following his rules,as you can be punished even if behaving well?

Sara2001 I accept that he is not perfect. I accept that he will make mistakes. I accept to get an unfair punishment from time to time, because otherwise he couldn't be really in charge.

Yes,but,even if rarely,he should admit he was wrong,and compensate it.Making you able to avoid a punishment,getting a few more orgasms than planned,allowing you to choose the restaurant/movie/etc...the next time you go out,etc...

Sara2001 It's very important, that we talk about it later. We talk until our feelings and points of view are clear to eachother. Not with the goal to let someone win s discussion, but to handle it better, next time.

It is a good point.

Sara2001 He has more and more control over important things, like the decision that I will not work in my job after my apprenticeship. He also told me that I will not see our first apartment that we will rent together, before we move in, to prove how I handle such a situation.

I feel it very strict,and hard.About pregnancy,would you decide?It is your body,so,I hope you would have more saying than about the first apartment you would rent...

Angelina as I said, it at least feels fairer than if I am always punished for accidental misbehaviour.

I think we feel it differently!😉

But,I agree,it means less punishments.

Angelina i understand that, but he could be more perfect if it took your view of things and your opinion more into account 🙂

Probably,yes.

Sara2001

Vanessa I feel it very unfair,and not right at all.And counter-productive;if he can make wrong decision,or use wrong rules,why following his rules,as you can be punished even if behaving well?

Technically, yes. This is very important, because otherwise I would need a regular opportunity to talk back to him. But as I said, this rarely happens. Normally it is absolutely clear for both of us that I did something wrong. In the other cases I can explain my point of view in a calm and submissive way without demanding anything during the lecture before the punishment. If my explanation convinces him that I did nothing bad, I only had done the corner time before the lecture to think about the situation and this is exactly the reason why this corner time exist.

Vanessa Yes,but,even if rarely,he should admit he was wrong,and compensate it.Making you able to avoid a punishment,getting a few more orgasms than planned,allowing you to choose the restaurant/movie/etc...the next time you go out,etc...

He admits that he was wrong and I can really feel how sorry he is, but I don't get any compensation, the best thing I can expect is an additional pillow on my chair, so at least it's a bit less uncomfortable to sit. I still think this is a good way. His mistakes shouldn't have any impact on my power.

Vanessa I feel it very strict,and hard.About pregnancy,would you decide?It is your body,so,I hope you would have more saying than about the first apartment you would rent...

He will technically have the final saying, but he would never decide something like that without me feeling the same.

Vanessa Probably,yes.

I strongly disagree, because it would mean that we have a kind of he vs me discussion about it and one of us would be disappointed for not getting what he/she said. If I accept that I don't have a saying in advance, there is much more harmony between us. It feels much better if he decided to do something you love without you need to say it.

Angelina

Sara2001

hmmm.... I have an idea

what if you both swap roles (at least at home) for a week or two in a a year?

then maybe he could better understand your situation and it would help him to improve his decisions if he has made mistakes 🙂

Vanessa

Sara2001 If my explanation convinces him that I did nothing bad, I only had done the corner time before the lecture to think about the situation and this is exactly the reason why this corner time exist.

Ok,so,in this case,you get the corner time,but not the other parts of the punishment?

Sara2001 His mistakes shouldn't have any impact on my power.

It would not impact it,as you wouldn't choose the compensation.It is like the additional pillow on your chair;you would get something to compensate his mistake,but won't choose which one.

Sara2001 He will technically have the final saying, but he would never decide something like that without me feeling the same.

Good.

Sara2001 it would mean that we have a kind of he vs me discussion about it and one of us would be disappointed for not getting what he/she said.

Not if you discuss it,but,if it is very clear you would never agree,he would be the one deciding.But only if you can't find an agreement before.

Angelina

I always think it would be very good for him to know how it feels for @Sara2001.

Sara2001

What if you apply it to everything except chastity(your father can keep the keys during it),and,if you are not comfortable with it at all,spanking?

It would still give him good understanding of your usual role.And you would understand well his,too.I think it could be very good for both of you.

Sara2001 He is not forced to get it,. it's something he wants to get knowledge.

Interesting;so he choose to get one,to remember how it feels?

Sara2001 It's necessary to talk prior to a decision, so both partners normally already know what the other partner normally prefers.

Not bad.

Sara2001

I agree.I hate being spanked,of course,but I "prefer" it than to be grounded.

Sara2001

Angelina hmmm.... I have an idea

We have already thought about it in the beginning of our relationship, but it is not that easy.

He would definitely not accept that I am out of my chastity equipment for this week. It is unthinkable that for example, I can order him to give me an orgasm. This is far beyond the red line for him.

He also doesn't own any chastity equipment for his own and even if, he could not wear it for a week without training.

I am absolutely not used in responsible leading. I think I would not be strict enough to be sure to stay fair, I think it is very difficult to order him to do things I know he doesn't want to do, just because he does it in the opposite direction. I am not used in giving punishments and spankings, too.

Overall we both think it wouldn't work. But he knows how painful spankings feel, every year he gets a spanking, compared to one of my more severe punishment spankings from his father, to remember how painful it is. This will happen as long as his father is able to and has nothing to do with his age. Since last year, I get a very severe spanking this day, too, so we can talk best about his experience or our experience.

Angelina

Sara2001 He would definitely not accept that I am out of my chastity equipment for this week. It is unthinkable that for example, I can order him to give me an orgasm. This is far beyond the red line for him.

Well, you could limit this role reversal to certain areas, for example, take out the topic of chastity equipment.

Sara2001 He also doesn't own any chastity equipment for his own and even if, he could not wear it for a week without training.

as I said, it doesn't have to be all areas, but a few important ones, or maybe the areas where he didn't always make the right decisions, so that he learns 😉

Sara2001 I am absolutely not used in responsible leading. I think I would not be strict enough to be sure to stay fair, I think it is very difficult to order him to do things I know he doesn't want to do, just because he does it in the opposite direction. I am not used in giving punishments and spankings, too.

apart from the fact that i think spanking is wrong in general, no matter if he gives it to you or you give it to him, it is of course a problem because you have never been brought up to take such responsibility, i agree with you. i sometimes wonder what would happen if your boyfriend was the submissive part (i.e. by nature).

Sara2001 Overall we both think it wouldn't work. But he knows how painful spankings feel, every year he gets a spanking, compared to one of my more severe punishment spankings from his father, to remember how painful it is. This will happen as long as his father is able to and has nothing to do with his age. Since last year, I get a very severe spanking this day, too, so we can talk best about his experience or our experience.

except for the last part about discussing experiences, i reject everything you wrote in this paragraph 😉

Joh

Sara2001 A punishment is not only a spanking..it is a corner time to think about my behaviour. Then a long lesson where we walk until everything is clear, then a spanking and another much linger corner time to think about it. I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

This makes sense.

Sara2001 In the moment where the decision is needed, he should already know my overall opinion, so no discussion is needed and sometimes,

Interesting way to do it and it looks like it works, I will keep it in mind.

Sara2001 But he knows how painful spankings feel, every year he gets a spanking, compared to one of my more severe punishment spankings from his father, to remember how painful it is.

Wow. All the small pieces together makes a solid picture. You two have thought this through. 😁

Sara2001

Angelina as I said, it doesn't have to be all areas, but a few important ones, or maybe the areas where he didn't always make the right decisions, so that he learns 😉

I think his decisions are good, overall he takes care of my wishes and there is no dedicated area in which he is less good then in other areas. Talking is the key.

Angelina except for the last part about discussing experiences, i reject everything you wrote in this paragraph

He is not forced to get it,. it's something he wants to get knowledge.

Angelina

Sara2001 Talking is the key.

i don't disagree with you, i just sometimes feel that talking is greatly neglected when one person makes the decisions and there is no real discussion.

Sara2001 He is not forced to get it,. it's something he wants to get knowledge.

whether voluntary or not, i reject all forms of physical education and/or punishment. 🙂

Sara2001

Angelina i don't disagree with you, i just sometimes feel that talking is greatly neglected when one person makes the decisions and there is no real discussion

These are two completely different things. It's necessary to talk prior to a decision, so both partners normally already know what the other partner normally prefers.

Angelina whether voluntary or not, i reject all forms of physical education and/or punishment.

It's nothing special in our families. I don't want to suggest it to anyone, but I think it's necessary to have it, to understand what it can do.

Joh

Sara2001 It's nothing special in our families. I don't want to suggest it to anyone, but I think it's necessary to have it, to understand what it can do.

It has a great impact and can do a lot but not necessary in the direction of free will. It's like running along the blade. A careless step has extremely negative consequences and is not immediately apparent but only later.

Angelina

Sara2001 These are two completely different things.

probably that is the difference between your relationship and mine and probably i would have to be there live to understand it completely (even though i try hard here in the forum 🙂 )

Sara2001 It's nothing special in our families. I don't want to suggest it to anyone, but I think it's necessary to have it, to understand what it can do.

well, the way you describe it, it has the same effect on you that a tough talk from my father has on me, except that with my father it is enough if he makes his power clear in words.

Sara2001

Angelina well, the way you describe it, it has the same effect on you that a tough talk from my father has on me, except that with my father it is enough if he makes his power clear in words.

But on the other hand, you often have intense restrictions for a long time. I prefer a clean table after the "talk".

Joh

Angelina probably that is the difference between your relationship and mine and probably i would have to be there live to understand it completely (even though i try hard here in the forum 🙂 )

As far as I understand you both you are too different in you personality to understand @Sara2001. I can't really understand her either, but I accept her decision. It seems to be the right thing for her.

Angelina

Sara2001 But on the other hand, you often have intense restrictions for a long time.

you mean the differences in how we are punished ? i agree, but i find it better if my punishment gives me a chance to reflect on my behaviour and spanking only causes me pain and anger, but not insight

Sara2001

Angelina you mean the differences in how we are punished ? i agree, but i find it better if my punishment gives me a chance to reflect on my behaviour and spanking only causes me pain and anger, but not insight

A punishment is not only a spanking..it is a corner time to think about my behaviour. Then a long lesson where we walk until everything is clear, then a spanking and another much linger corner time to think about it. I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

Vanessa Ok,so,in this case,you get the corner time,but not the other parts of the punishment?

Yes, we talk about the incident during my lesson. If I haven't done anything wrong, I don't get a punishment.

Vanessa Not if you discuss it,but,if it is very clear you would never agree,he would be the one deciding.But only if you can't find an agreement before.

In the moment where the decision is needed, he should already know my overall opinion, so no discussion is needed and sometimes, for unimportant things, I am asked for my opinion, like what restaurant we should visit. But it is clear that I only make a suggestion and I wrap my suggestion in "if this is what you like, too" sentences, to make sure he knows, that what ever he wants, is absolutely okay for me, too.

Vanessa It would still give him good understanding of your usual role.And you would understand well his,too.I think it could be very good for both of you

I think I wouldn't be a good leader. We had talks about this since we know eachother, we don't see a good way to do it. It's more like a mental barrier, I don't feel comfortable and very insecure when I am in charge, so he can't feel how strict leadership feels like.

Vanessa Interesting;so he choose to get one,to remember how it feels?

Yes, he wants to know this.

Angelina

Joh , but I accept her decision. It seems to be the right thing for her.

I accept it too, I just worry sometimes 🙂

Sara2001 A punishment is not only a spanking..it is a corner time to think about my behaviour. Then a long lesson where we walk until everything is clear, then a spanking and another much linger corner time to think about it. I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

the corner time i can still understand even though i don't think it is the right tool but i agree it can remind you of your behaviour. i prefer grounding and writing an essay, these punishments are very effective and i would probably use them on my children too

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