Should only females get belted?

Sara2001

Angelina you mean the differences in how we are punished ? i agree, but i find it better if my punishment gives me a chance to reflect on my behaviour and spanking only causes me pain and anger, but not insight

A punishment is not only a spanking..it is a corner time to think about my behaviour. Then a long lesson where we walk until everything is clear, then a spanking and another much linger corner time to think about it. I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

Vanessa Ok,so,in this case,you get the corner time,but not the other parts of the punishment?

Yes, we talk about the incident during my lesson. If I haven't done anything wrong, I don't get a punishment.

Vanessa Not if you discuss it,but,if it is very clear you would never agree,he would be the one deciding.But only if you can't find an agreement before.

In the moment where the decision is needed, he should already know my overall opinion, so no discussion is needed and sometimes, for unimportant things, I am asked for my opinion, like what restaurant we should visit. But it is clear that I only make a suggestion and I wrap my suggestion in "if this is what you like, too" sentences, to make sure he knows, that what ever he wants, is absolutely okay for me, too.

Vanessa It would still give him good understanding of your usual role.And you would understand well his,too.I think it could be very good for both of you

I think I wouldn't be a good leader. We had talks about this since we know eachother, we don't see a good way to do it. It's more like a mental barrier, I don't feel comfortable and very insecure when I am in charge, so he can't feel how strict leadership feels like.

Vanessa Interesting;so he choose to get one,to remember how it feels?

Yes, he wants to know this.

Angelina

Joh , but I accept her decision. It seems to be the right thing for her.

I accept it too, I just worry sometimes 🙂

Sara2001 A punishment is not only a spanking..it is a corner time to think about my behaviour. Then a long lesson where we walk until everything is clear, then a spanking and another much linger corner time to think about it. I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

the corner time i can still understand even though i don't think it is the right tool but i agree it can remind you of your behaviour. i prefer grounding and writing an essay, these punishments are very effective and i would probably use them on my children too

Joh

Sara2001 A punishment is not only a spanking..it is a corner time to think about my behaviour. Then a long lesson where we walk until everything is clear, then a spanking and another much linger corner time to think about it. I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

This makes sense.

Sara2001 In the moment where the decision is needed, he should already know my overall opinion, so no discussion is needed and sometimes,

Interesting way to do it and it looks like it works, I will keep it in mind.

Sara2001 But he knows how painful spankings feel, every year he gets a spanking, compared to one of my more severe punishment spankings from his father, to remember how painful it is.

Wow. All the small pieces together makes a solid picture. You two have thought this through. 😁

Vanessa

Sara2001 I also be reminded rhe next days when I sit or things like that.

My parents like I've this sort of reminder,too.

Sara2001 Yes, we talk about the incident during my lesson. If I haven't done anything wrong, I don't get a punishment.

Good.

Sara2001 ut it is clear that I only make a suggestion and I wrap my suggestion in "if this is what you like, too" sentences, to make sure he knows, that what ever he wants, is absolutely okay for me, too.

That is not very discussing...But good he knows your opinion,at least(even if I still think discussing is better).

Sara2001 I think I wouldn't be a good leader. We had talks about this since we know eachother, we don't see a good way to do it. It's more like a mental barrier, I don't feel comfortable and very insecure when I am in charge, so he can't feel how strict leadership feels like.

Even for a short duration?

Sara2001 Yes, he wants to know this.

More fair.

Sara2001

Good way to act.

Joh

Angelina I just worry sometimes

I worry less and less with all the information which are distributed here.

Sara2001

Joh Wow. All the small pieces together makes a solid picture. You two have thought this through.

We talk a lot, we read a lot, we try a lot and then we start again with talking 🙂

Angelina

Joh I worry less and less with all the information which are distributed here.

me too, but i thought at the beginning that this is just insane, nowo i can accept it, but i am still worried and therefore i will always ask @Sara2001 if she is ok with it 🙂

Sara2001 and then we start again with talking 🙂

very good 😃

Joh

Sara2001 We talk a lot,

I do it in the mean time with my girlfriend as well. Our relation is improving. This is now a permanent part we use to improve our relation. 😀

Joh

Angelina i will always ask @Sara2001 if she is ok with it

I will as well.

Angelina

Joh I will as well.

😉

Sara2001

Vanessa That is not very discussing

Yes, we talk about things and we talk about our wishes and opinions and points of view, but I never discuss things with him in a sense of dispute.

Vanessa Even for a short duration?

Yes, I would think to much about everything and would forget anything at the same time. 🙂

Angelina

Sara2001 Yes, I would think to much about everything and would forget anything at the same time. 🙂

i understand, but i was thinking again, apart from the fact that he could better put himself in your role, another point would be very important, you give him a very big gift and bear a lot for him to make he happy. he should perhaps learn through this how grateful he can be to you, this is certainly the case now even without role reversal but after a few years it can become too routine and then it might be an idea (i hope you understand what i mean) 🙂

Vanessa

Sara2001 in a sense of dispute.

I didn't mean discussing this way.

Sara2001

Too bad,I think it would have been good for you and your boyfriend...

Angelina

I agree.

Sara2001

You have also a good example on how a leader could act,with your father.

Sara2001

Angelina i understand, but i was thinking again, apart from the fact that he could better put himself in your role, another point would be very important, you give him a very big gift and bear a lot for him to make he happy. he should perhaps learn through this how grateful he can be to you, this is certainly the case now even without role reversal but after a few years it can become too routine and then it might be an idea (i hope you understand what i mean)

Yes, but to feel how life in submission really is, you need a good leader. I think he has learned that from his father. As a child he had strict rules and consequences and they where lowered with him getting older. It's not like my brother who never had strinct rules like us.

Angelina

Sara2001 Yes, but to feel how life in submission really is, you need a good leader.

well, at least here on the forum you don't seem like you could not also be a leader 😉

Joh

Sara2001 you need a good leader.

Why should you are not able to learn it? He has the advantage of example and guidance. You need time to get use of it and experience. Than you will find out if you could lead or not.

Angelina

Joh

I think the problem for @Sara2001 is rather who she should lead. i think there are people who she can lead them, but probably no men are part of it 😂

Vanessa You have also a good example on how a leader could act,with your father.

As I said to Joh, she can probably lead women, but not men

Sara2001

Joh You need time to get use of it

Definitely to much effort to get an idea of how it is. We are not looking forward to achieve this.

Vanessa You have also a good example on how a leader could act,with your father.

Yes but eating good food doesn't mean you can cook good food.

Joh There are enough men in Germany who do not want to lead but to be led.

Even if there would be enough man, I don't want to lead them.

Angelina i think it would feel wrong for her. but i would say that here in the forum she sometimes shows herself dominant towards other users, especially towards us women.

I don't feel the need to lead anyone and you, I am used to have strong conversations with women and I am very used in "fighting" for my opinion and that not everything that is different in my life then in the life of the majority of people is wrong.

Joh

Angelina I think the problem for @Sara2001 is rather who she should lead. i think there are people who she can lead them, but probably no men are part of it

I doubt it. There are enough men in Germany who do not want to lead but to be led. And if she doesn't love him it might even be easier. 😉

Vanessa

Angelina As I said to Joh, she can probably lead women, but not men

The bases would be similar,I think.

Joh Yes, I agree. This is why I wrote she has to change her mindset first before she try it over some time.

I think so,too.

gwen

No problem,it was interesting to know.

Angelina

Joh There are enough men in Germany who do not want to lead but to be led.

i don't doubt it 😉 but i think that because of her upbringing she would be able to lead women but not men.

Joh

Angelina but i think that because of her upbringing she would be able to lead women but not men.

It is only a mind set at first hand. She has to try out and see how it goes on and what feeling she has during doing it.

Angelina

Joh It is only a mind set at first hand. She has to try out and see how it goes on and what feeling she has during doing it.

maybe @Sara2001 can answer the question herself, because i have the theory that she can't because of her upbringing, because she has always learned that men take the dominant role, i think it would feel wrong for her. but i would say that here in the forum she sometimes shows herself dominant towards other users, especially towards us women.

gwen And perhaps non-binary people too? 🙂

I am at a loss 😂

i'm not even sure how to define non-binary people. i respect everyone regardless of gender, but i find this term horrible (just my opinion)

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