Distancing serious use from fetish.

Vanessa

I think so,too.And similar with men.

But it is very uncommon.

Angelina difficult because most of the time they are not mistakes but character traits. probably you will just have to search better.

I agree.

Max9 Every single girlfriend I had cheated on me, so... I'm generally a bit sceptical in the beginning.

Sorry for you...I had partners who cheated on me too,and it is very hard...Understandable you needed some time,but I'm sure you would find the right one,which would be faithful!😉

Joh

Angelina difficult because most of the time they are not mistakes but character traits

And this is the mistake you are making if you start a relation with someone who has it as well.

Vanessa I think so,too.And similar with men.

The problem is your parent can't teach you this. You have to find out which person is the right one for you by yourself.

Every time I have been in a relation I learned something from it. About myself, to read other what kind of person they are and what we have to do that the relation is working over a long time.
At the beginning it is easy running but after some time some stress is rising up and you should be able to handle it. This is every time the most difficult time.

Angelina

Max9

that doesn't sound so nice 🙁 i actually wanted to ask how old you are now and saw it on your profile, i always thought you were older but at 20 nothing is lost yet 😉

Vanessa But it is very uncommon.

I am happy to accept that 😃

Joh And this is the mistake you are making if you start a relation with someone who has it as well.

that's why we should have a lot of conversations right at the beginning of the relationship to see if it can work, that's the only way to know if it has a future. 🙂

Max9 but organised relaripnships seem to last long in many cases.

but mostly only because the woman has no choice but to stay with him. 🙁

Max9

Joh The problem is your parent can't teach you this. You have to find out which person is the right one for you by yourself.

Except when your parents find a partner for you. Sounds horrible at first glance, but organised relaripnships seem to last long in many cases. Might also just be because in the islamic cultures where most of them take place cheating and so on is heavily punished.

Vanessa

Joh Every time I have been in a relation I learned something from it. About myself, to read other what kind of person they are and what we have to do that the relation is working over a long time.

I tend to think like @Angelina, it is not something like a list of mistakes to not do,but different for each people.

Max9 Except when your parents find a partner for you.

I would never have accepted it.Even if it would have meant having to leave and breaking the relationship with my parents.

Angelina that's why we should have a lot of conversations right at the beginning of the relationship to see if it can work, that's the only way to know if it has a future. 🙂

I agree,it's important.

Joh

Not sure they do the right choice,so...

Joh

Max9 Except when your parents find a partner for you.

I know some couples who have been married for a long time but don't really maintain a relationship. Many were pressured into marriage by their parents. They have arranged themselves instead of getting divorced.
Because they stay together it doesn't mean they have a happy relationship.

Max9

Angelina but mostly only because the woman has no choice but to stay with him.

just like the man has no choice but to stay with her

Max9

Angelina always thought you were older but at 20 nothing is lost yet

Why does anybody I meet believe that?

Saintprudence

Max9 Still, arranged marriages only work in a large scale in a culture where the societal and possibly legal pressure to hold to the marriages is so extreme, that it's considered out of the question to end the marriage. There are plenty of people who can find happiness in that, but it also can be a recipe for misery. (And because men are men, INEVITABLY the system is hotwired to benefit men at the expense of women.)

Angelina

Max9 just like the man has no choice but to stay with her

sometimes yes, i don't want to relate it only to one side

Max9 Why does anybody I meet believe that?

because you seem very mature in your writing style 🙂

Joh Because they stay together it doesn't mean they have a happy relationship.

in this case i would prefer a separation/decision

Joh

Angelina in this case i would prefer a separation/decision

The reason is similar to your situation. You decided to accept yours father restriction because the outcome would be worse than keep it like it is. The same for a relation with whom they have come to terms but are not in a happy relationship.
If you would be in this relation you would think about your options first before you decide.

Max9

Angelina because you seem very mature in your writing style 🙂

And I always thought I'd be very youthfully impulsive and colloquial in my writing style

A friend from an affaire I once had used to say I'd be the oldest teenager who she ever met. 🤷‍♂️

Angelina

Joh

that is only partly true. my statement was related to a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend and not to family relationships.

Max9 A friend from an affaire I once had used to say I'd be the oldest teenager who she ever met. 🤷‍♂️

I have also received a similar statement before. 😂

no seriously, i am in a relationship but if i wasn't you would even be very interesting to me because you seem very nice. i sometimes thought that you could be a good match for me if you weren't too old (i estimated you to be in your mid to late 30's 😉 ) now i know that you are not much older. i am as i said in a relationship but take it as motivation that you are quite interesting and a girl can probably be happy with you 😃

Joh

Angelina boyfriend/girlfriend and not to family relationships.

Where do you see the difference?
You didn't choose the family. You were born into it.
You didn't choose an arranged marriage either.
Both can be good and loving, but not necessarily. What remains is a certain bond.

@Max9 Angelina i am as i said in a relationship but take it as motivation that you are quite interesting and a girl can probably be happy with you

👍️

Angelina

Joh You didn't choose the family.

that's true, but just from genetics alone, a certain affection in families is automatic, it's difficult to explain. i simply have much higher demands on a marriage than, for example, on a family relationship with my father. it has to be 100% genuine love. (I know it's difficult to explain)

Vanessa I would never have accepted it.Even if it would have meant having to leave and breaking the relationship with my parents.

I would never accept it either

Joh

Vanessa I tend to think like @Angelina, it is not something like a list of mistakes to not do,but different for each people.

What I point out is that with every relation I got additional experience.
The last time I was searched for a girlfriend I met many women but I knew after our date we do not match. With my girlfriend it was different. We had our date in the cafe and it ran so well that we spent the whole day together. We even went to the cinema in the evening. I also told her that she is the right one, but she was not so sure. Now we are together for years.

Joh

Angelina that's true, but just from genetics alone, a certain affection in families is automatic, it's difficult to explain. i simply have much higher demands on a marriage than, for example, on a family relationship with my father. it has to be 100% genuine love. (I know it's difficult to explain)

I agree with that.
My point was that if you are in the situation of an arranged marriage it is not easy to finish it because of the drawbacks you get.

Vanessa

Angelina I would never accept it either

Logical.

Joh

Good you met her,but don't you think it would have been the same,with the other women and your girlfriend,even if you had less or more experiences before?

Angelina

Joh My point was that if you are in the situation of an arranged marriage

i agree, although i would never enter into an arranged marriage. i would even prefer to spend the next decades in a chastity belt. 😂

Angelina

Joh

if she loves you with all your strengths and weaknesses as you are, it worked well, but i would never pretend.

Joh It was the right feeling with her and the wrong with the other.

i think you can notice it, but i don't think we need much experience for that, i already fell in love with my girlfriend a bit before we met in person (before only via videocall) but i just needed to have my feeling confirmed

and since yesterday we are 1 1/2 years happy together 😃

Joh

Vanessa Good you met her,but don't you think it would have been the same,with the other women and your girlfriend,even if you had less or more experiences before?

No, it wouldn't.

Vanessa

Joh

How can you be sure?

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