Distancing serious use from fetish.

Joh

Angelina in this case i would prefer a separation/decision

The reason is similar to your situation. You decided to accept yours father restriction because the outcome would be worse than keep it like it is. The same for a relation with whom they have come to terms but are not in a happy relationship.
If you would be in this relation you would think about your options first before you decide.

Angelina

Joh

that is only partly true. my statement was related to a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend and not to family relationships.

Max9 A friend from an affaire I once had used to say I'd be the oldest teenager who she ever met. 🤷‍♂️

I have also received a similar statement before. 😂

no seriously, i am in a relationship but if i wasn't you would even be very interesting to me because you seem very nice. i sometimes thought that you could be a good match for me if you weren't too old (i estimated you to be in your mid to late 30's 😉 ) now i know that you are not much older. i am as i said in a relationship but take it as motivation that you are quite interesting and a girl can probably be happy with you 😃

Max9

Angelina because you seem very mature in your writing style 🙂

And I always thought I'd be very youthfully impulsive and colloquial in my writing style

A friend from an affaire I once had used to say I'd be the oldest teenager who she ever met. 🤷‍♂️

Joh

Angelina boyfriend/girlfriend and not to family relationships.

Where do you see the difference?
You didn't choose the family. You were born into it.
You didn't choose an arranged marriage either.
Both can be good and loving, but not necessarily. What remains is a certain bond.

@Max9 Angelina i am as i said in a relationship but take it as motivation that you are quite interesting and a girl can probably be happy with you

👍️

Angelina

Joh You didn't choose the family.

that's true, but just from genetics alone, a certain affection in families is automatic, it's difficult to explain. i simply have much higher demands on a marriage than, for example, on a family relationship with my father. it has to be 100% genuine love. (I know it's difficult to explain)

Vanessa I would never have accepted it.Even if it would have meant having to leave and breaking the relationship with my parents.

I would never accept it either

Vanessa

Joh Every time I have been in a relation I learned something from it. About myself, to read other what kind of person they are and what we have to do that the relation is working over a long time.

I tend to think like @Angelina, it is not something like a list of mistakes to not do,but different for each people.

Max9 Except when your parents find a partner for you.

I would never have accepted it.Even if it would have meant having to leave and breaking the relationship with my parents.

Angelina that's why we should have a lot of conversations right at the beginning of the relationship to see if it can work, that's the only way to know if it has a future. 🙂

I agree,it's important.

Joh

Not sure they do the right choice,so...

Joh

Vanessa I tend to think like @Angelina, it is not something like a list of mistakes to not do,but different for each people.

What I point out is that with every relation I got additional experience.
The last time I was searched for a girlfriend I met many women but I knew after our date we do not match. With my girlfriend it was different. We had our date in the cafe and it ran so well that we spent the whole day together. We even went to the cinema in the evening. I also told her that she is the right one, but she was not so sure. Now we are together for years.

Joh

Angelina that's true, but just from genetics alone, a certain affection in families is automatic, it's difficult to explain. i simply have much higher demands on a marriage than, for example, on a family relationship with my father. it has to be 100% genuine love. (I know it's difficult to explain)

I agree with that.
My point was that if you are in the situation of an arranged marriage it is not easy to finish it because of the drawbacks you get.

Vanessa

Angelina I would never accept it either

Logical.

Joh

Good you met her,but don't you think it would have been the same,with the other women and your girlfriend,even if you had less or more experiences before?

Angelina

Joh My point was that if you are in the situation of an arranged marriage

i agree, although i would never enter into an arranged marriage. i would even prefer to spend the next decades in a chastity belt. 😂

Angelina

Joh

if she loves you with all your strengths and weaknesses as you are, it worked well, but i would never pretend.

Joh It was the right feeling with her and the wrong with the other.

i think you can notice it, but i don't think we need much experience for that, i already fell in love with my girlfriend a bit before we met in person (before only via videocall) but i just needed to have my feeling confirmed

and since yesterday we are 1 1/2 years happy together 😃

Joh

Vanessa Good you met her,but don't you think it would have been the same,with the other women and your girlfriend,even if you had less or more experiences before?

No, it wouldn't.

Vanessa

Joh

How can you be sure?

Joh

Vanessa How can you be sure?

I know it and see it on the outcome.
Sorry, I can't say it with more detail. It was the right feeling with her and the wrong with the other.
When I was looking for a girlfriend after my divorce it was not as clear as this time.

Vanessa

Joh

Anyway,it is good it worked for you.

Even,if,in my case,I don't think these feelings of right and wrong girlfriends are related to past experiences with other girlfriend(or only a bit).But I'm not sure we can agree on it...

Joh That can also be a reason why he does what he does.

Not sure,it seems @Angelina would likely not leave until she get married,which is not related to chastity devices...

Joh

Angelina nd since yesterday we are 1 1/2 years happy together

This is great.

Angelina i think you can notice it, but i don't think we need much experience for that,

This was not the point for the discussion. Yes, this can be and is great. Let us talk about your relation after some years you lived together how your relation is.

We started with my statement that your father didn't learned something out of his relation when he chose afterwards the wrong partner again and again.
It looks like you are a good example to do it right. Maybe you should teach him 😂

Angelina

Joh It looks like you are a good example to do it right. Maybe you should teach him 😂

maybe, i would be happy if my father finds someone, especially if i get married and move out one day, he might feel very alone. 🙁

Joh

Angelina maybe, i would be happy if my father finds someone, especially if i get married and move out one day, he might feel very alone.

Yes, this will be. That can also be a reason why he does what he does. But he should learn if he let you go it will be high likely you come back. How you write with 100%.

Angelina

Joh But he should learn if he let you go it will be high likely you come back. How you write with 100%.

i noticed that i don't leave him alone at all, if we work together we will see each other for several hours a day anyway. 😂

But I understand what you mean

Joh

Angelina But I understand what you mean

Good. It is a common problem of parents to let go their children after the long time under their protection.

Angelina

Joh Good. It is a common problem of parents to let go their children after the long time under their protection.

i understand, i would probably feel the same way, but i think i can slowly get my father used to it

Vanessa Not sure,it seems @Angelina would likely not leave until she get married,which is not related to chastity devices...

i will probably move out when i get married, maybe even a little sooner (just a few months)

Joh It could also be that after time she realise what he did to her and will leave.

i know that, but from both sides. you refer to the belt (which is definitely negative), i also refer to the fact that he took care of me alone for almost 18 years and that despite the fact that he worked a lot, i never felt short-changed.

Joh

Vanessa Not sure,it seems @Angelina would likely not leave until she get married,which is not related to chastity devices...

It is a egg or chicken question. I presume he started it because of it and the result is that @Angelina has from the whole process a strong and deep relation with her father and will likely not leave.
It could also be that after time she realise what he did to her and will leave.

Vanessa Even,if,in my case,I don't think these feelings of right and wrong girlfriends are related to past experiences with other girlfriend(or only a bit).But I'm not sure we can agree on it...

I was talking about the feeling at the first meeting not about my feeling during a relation. My confidence in my feeling at the first meeting increased with my experience.
I pointed out @Angelina s faster did not learn much because he chose every time the wrong partner.

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