Trans and chastity

Angelina

ok, so you are a man born as a woman and she is a woman born as a man?

Matt

Yes, that's basically it. We both pass pretty well now, we look like the genders we truly are. If you saw us in the street you would probably think I was a cisgender (not trans) man and she was a cis woman.

Angelina

Matt

interesting, i wonder if trans people generally have a higher attraction to other trans people

Matt

Angelina

Maybe? I would say I know more trans people dating cis people than trans people dating other trans people, but trans folks are a small percentage of the population and I have a small sample size to draw from. If my current relationship ended, I'd be open to dating a cisgender person.

My GF and I have a lot in common and fit well together. She's smarter, and better educated than me and I am a better cook. She's very submissive and I am dominant in the bedroom, and we are both enjoy trying new, creative and kinky things. I'd like to think that we are not together just because we are both trans, but I can't say it doesn't play any part.

youdontknowme

Angelina interesting, i wonder if trans people generally have a higher attraction to other trans people

Not sure if it is attraction, or if it is just the fact that the average trans person encounters more trans people than the average cis person does by virtue of frequenting trans-inclusive spaces more.

Rina

Angelina higher attraction to other trans people

Maybe because they can understand each other better? Like things they went through?

Angelina

Matt I'd like to think that we are not together just because we are both trans, but I can't say it doesn't play any part.

probably because you can understand each other well, you know each other's situation and how the person feels. many cis people do not understand this so well.

youdontknowme

I think that is also possible, a cis person would probably rarely go to "safe spaces" for transsexuals.

Matt

youdontknowme

That definitely has something to do with it. While I sometimes felt awkward hitting on women in queer spaces as a man, that was where I met a few of my past romantic partners (though many of those were men). My GF had a trans pin on her backpack the first time I met her.

Jen It's that a good thing? Like how is it good? Sorry yeah it's one little bit of an interesting post but I don't get why guys break stuff.

It's not universally good, it's just that I prefer it to how anger felt before hormone replacement therapy. Feeling "manly" anger is validating, even if anger itself is not fun. Early on, I liked feeling dangerous and aggressive because I was taught that's the opposite of femininity, now my emotions have evened out and I am masculine without being an aggressive prick. I don't enjoy breaking stuff for the sake of destruction and I try to keep a level head.

Jen Begging to get out and being told no is really powerful like I have appreciated the no. But like, you wouldn't want to get it wrong.

Spoiler for spicy text:
If we do end up getting her a cage or a belt, it will be a sex toy rather than a prison. Probably short term use only; my girlfriend has all sorts of fantasies she wants to try and experimenting has been very good for us. Not being able to touch herself when we are not together or not being able to masturbate without my permission might be powerful and hot or she might hate it and we just throw away the chastity device. I still feel that locking someone up as a means of controlling them is wrong. Jen, reading your story has been interesting. From my understanding you are locked every night. May I ask who told you no? Why would you appreciate it?

Rina Maybe because they can understand each other better? Like things they went through?

Another good suggestion! We understand each other well, not just about trans stuff.

Edited for grammar.

Jen

Matt now I get angry more but it's "I want to break stuff" anger

It's that a good thing? Like how is it good? Sorry yeah it's one little bit of an interesting post but I don't get why guys break stuff.

Matt What if she wants out? I would probably release her on the spot,

Begging to get out and being told no is really powerful like I have appreciated the no. But like, you wouldn't want to get it wrong.

Jen

Matt From my understanding you are locked every night. May I ask who told you no? Why would you appreciate it?

My Mum - they held the keys but were not my keyholders. but yeah I wanted it off for uh no good reason. It was like 2am. She convinced me to wait till morning and yeah after that I really felt stuck like I couldn't go wake her again! But it was good I got unlocked in morning but I knew I wanted to stick to my plans by then and relocked without removing. After that we agreed nights were off limits - no waking up unless a real reason. And it's easier just like knowing that option really isn't there.

Tonyand03

Matt, I can't possibly tell you whether you should lock up your girlfriend, but I do want to say that having read your correspondence, you come over as a very intelligent, responsible and empathetic person. These are the values that will help you both decide whether to embrace chastity.
The only advice I can offer is that between the two of you, society's expectations regarding such matters as misogyny and feminism are not important. What matters is only that you are doing what you both enjoy and you are not harming yourselves or anyone else.
Concerning T4T relationships, surely we all tend to associate, whether socially or romantically, with others who share our characteristics, whether it's class, ethnicity, interests, income group or of course sexuality. It would be surprising if trans people didn't have a higher percentage of relationships with other trans people than the general population.
In summary, I think your attitudes and concern for your partner do you credit and I would expect and hope that you'll both settle down to a happy relationship.
Please let us know how things work out for you both.

Jen

Tonyand03 Matt, I can't possibly tell you whether you should lock up your girlfriend, but I do want to say that having read your correspondence, you come over as a very intelligent, responsible and empathetic person. These are the values that will help you both decide whether to embrace chastity.

👍😊

Jonas

Jen And it's easier just like knowing that option really isn't there.

Exactly this.

Matt

My girlfriend and I decided against locking her in chastity for the moment, we may revisit the decision in the future.

I will probably go inactive on this forum soon, thank you all for the information and words of advice.

I can be reached at math_guy@outlook.com if you are in my area and need help. Involuntary belt wearers, please keep fighting; know that time, the law and I are on your side.

Sasha

Matt Hope you'll stop by now and then. And thanks for offering help if anyone needed it.

Laura

Matt if you are in my area and need help

In Oregon

Angelina

Matt

i hope you visit the forum again soon, until then all the best 🙂

Matt

Angelina

Thank you and congratulations, may your marriage be long and happy!

Samantha

I appreciate you sharing this. Trans women do seem to gravitate towards chastity, and my GF described a fantasy that sounds a lot like what you described. The issue is the difference between fantasy and reality, the fantasy of not being able to touch one's genitals and being constantly horny conflicts with the actual IRL requirements of hygiene, a job, and living as an independent person. I have no idea how some of the people on here handle it, I would not wish Sara2001's or Renita's life on anyone, even if they seem content.

There may be appearance advantages to wearing a chastity cage, but from what I understand, "tucking" works just as well.

Samantha

I might add one perspective to the whole topic, this is not from my experience (as I'm not a trans person), since I have an FL account (no, I won't share it here 😃 ) I've been approached on that platform by a few interesting people. One of them was a trans woman, on hormones, but pre-op.

She was wearing a small, intentionally smaller than needed, cage for quite some years as she was born with naturally feminine beauty, and wearing the cage helped her maintain her appearance - she wanted to look and act as per the gender she felt she was, and her body and face helped, except for the genitals. So the cage kept her "flat", especially when she wore dresses or skirts.

The thing is, she liked the squeezing feeling and the state the cage kept her in if for some reason she was not able to unlock it. This, and the fact she didn't want to use this part for sex, she stopped unlocking herself and threw away the keys. Yes I know I panicked myself when I heard it, turns out she already had experience with wearing it for over a month at a time and thought that if needed it wouldn't be a problem to remove the toy, yet, the lack of keys would make sure she can't act "rashly" 😉

When I met her, it was three years since she got rid of the keys (at least that's what she told me), a 24-year-old with a transition process underway, but pre-op. I have video-chatted with her, let's say the effects of hormone therapy were quite visible 😉

youdontknowme

Matt the fantasy of not being able to touch one's genitals and being constantly horny conflicts with the actual IRL requirements of hygiene, a job, and living as an independent person.

In the case of sexual arousal, most long-term locked penis owners report that it tends to stabilize at a level where you can get used to the permanent arousal. Also, many of them, especially among trans women, do not give up on orgasms completely, only on those that involve traditional use of an erect penis. There are other ways a person born with male genitalia can relieve herself.

As for how the cage interferes with other things, people who throw away the key or intentionally jam the lock typically practice hygiene without removal for a few months before taking the leap. It does take some additional effort over taking off the cage to wash, but lots of open cage designs make it possible to handle hygiene needs.

The cage does not interfere with most jobs nor with an independent life. If anything, taking the key out of the picture means that it cannot be used to solidify a power imbalance.

If anything, tucking is one of the major difficulties for locked trans women. While the cage certainly lessens the chance of pitching a tent in clothes that were not designed to pitch a tent in, it also makes it impossible to retract the testicles like one can with free genitalia.

Obviously not speaking from personal experience, but I have been reading up on the reports of several locked trans women

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