Your Mom's Thigh Bands

Foxies

Yes - it is indeed difficult to get parents to allow their children to be guided so that they grew up to be best they can be and make the most of the opportunities that will come their way, without indoctrinating them in that parents beliefs. It is so difficult in fact, it is still uncommon though some progress has been made. At least in the West.

Sin

Sin I refuse to accept my partner knows best just because ...

I long for the day that that statement doesn't even have to be made and that everyone believes it is the norm. Partnerships should be agreed, not "enforced" and built on indoctrinated expectations. We should all be free to decide for ourselves our roles and responsibilities within a relationship and decide whether we want the power (and responsibilities) shared equally, or not. Anything else will likely lead to unhappiness.

(Oh - and to the moderators, I am sorry if this doesn't belong in this thread - feel free to move it where ever you think it best fits.)

Angelina

Sin The only way it can be achieved is by women standing up and breaking the cycle

no, it's not about women. we are all children of our parents, it's down to our genes and we can't change them completely, at most we can adapt them to our own image of life.

Foxies It is so difficult in fact, it is still uncommon though some progress has been made. At least in the West.

i think because they are things we should not change, we are trying to change something that is against our natural instincts. 🙂

Joh I was in the fortunate situation that my parents and teachers were watching me form my own opinion

but having an opinion is different from how we act, i don't always act according to my own opinion because sometimes it is better to adapt. but that doesn't mean that i don't have an opinion.

Joh

Foxies

I fully agree with your posting.
I was in the fortunate situation that my parents and teachers were watching me form my own opinion. They have given me information from very different sources and from that I should draw my own conclusions.
If I read all different Stories here at the forum I am wondering in which direction our societies are developing. Not in a good way.

Sin

LoonyMel I categorize him as a troglodyte or a simiac. Usually not a fun guy to have around in a company.

So true! I couldn't imagine marrying the first person I fell in love with at 17, let alone breeding with them. It seems to be an ideal of some of the girls on here. Finish school, get married, get pregnant, have babies, clean the house, have more babies. There is so much more to life than this. If your man think this is how women should live, leave him and never look back. Send him a postcard from somewhere exotic.

Megan

Sara2001 it's helpful to put us in chastity equipment, so we have a deep understanding, that we won't get this kind of pleasure anyway without explicit actions from the man.

Okay that makes sense if there is in fact a steady supply of action from the man... I won't put an exact requirement because I think everyone is different but there needs to be a reasonable minimum.

Sin I refuse to be a house-cleaning baby factory for anyone.

Absolutely.

LoonyMel I categorize hi as a troglodyte or a simiac. Usually not a fun guy to have around in a company.

Yes absolutely, your not a wife your an object.

Sin leave him and never look back. Send him a postcard from somewhere exotic.

Yes that may be what some people here have to do.

Joh

Angelina but having an opinion is different from how we act, i don't always act according to my own opinion because sometimes it is better to adapt. but that doesn't mean that i don't have an opinion.

If we discuss and come to the point most of the time you back off and you repeat the opinion of your father. I don't see your opinion at important points.

Sin

Angelina it's not about women. we are all children of our parents, it's down to our genes and we can't change them completely, at most we can adapt them to our own image of life.

I don't see how the nature vs nurture argument applies in this case. Genes might give you characteristics like aggression, submissiveness etc. But ultimately we are free to decide whether or not we continue to live like that. We are free to decide whether or not we marry an abusive partner (in western societies at least). We are free to decide whether or not we settle down straight after school with the first person we meet, or if we throw caution to the wind (or our lives into a backpack) and forge our own path in life. There are always options. Sometimes they might be difficult to contemplate, but there are always, always options.

Angelina i think because they are things we should not change, we are trying to change something that is against our natural instincts.

Running for your life is also a natural instinct.

Angelina

Joh If we discuss and come to the point most of the time you back off and you repeat the opinion of your father. I don't see your opinion at important points.

i disagree, i don't repeat my father's opinion but have my own opinions which my father also knows. sometimes he takes them into account and sometimes he doesn't, but we still live in a community so i also have to abide by rules that don't reflect my opinion. if you don't see my opinion that's a pity, i have formulated my opinions on all sorts of things more than once here

Sin But ultimately we are free to decide whether or not we continue to live like that. We are free to decide whether or not we marry an abusive partner (in western societies at least). We are free to decide whether or not we settle down straight after school with the first person we meet, or if we throw caution to the wind (or our lives into a backpack) and forge our own path in life

i agree with you, but you also imply that settling down with your first partner is always the wrong way to go. i would like to ask why this cannot lead to happiness? and whether someone is abusing us is an individual matter. for example, i don't share @Sara2001's lifestyle, but i don't think the decision is fundamentally wrong or abusive.

Jen

Foxies I tried to say something like this to Sarah or Angelina (don't remember) but it was a mess compared to your nice writing. But with their reply it's like they're already a victim of the upbringing and don't see it.

Foxies

Jen

I agree that they are victims of their upbringing, However I think they are both intelligent enough to see it but accept it on the basis of the path of least resistance. I suspect if their upbringing had been different, their rebellion would have been stronger. But then it is unlikely they would find themselves having to choose between a lifestyle that is imposed on them by their parents/guardians versus having to strike out on their own when they are not yet fully prepared to make their own living.

I suppose what irks me (as Gwen pointed out in a comment to my partner), is that something that has enhanced the relationship between and my partner is being misused on unwilling wearers.

Joh

Foxies

Foxies is that something that has enhanced the relationship between and my partner is being misused on unwilling wearers

Yes. It happen too offen.

Joh

Angelina i don't think the decision is fundamentally wrong

I agree with this.
If you look how many first relationship working over long time you will see most of the time they fail. If it a working relationship over 20 or 30 years this is fantastic but not often.

Your partner's characteristics, which you did not consider important at first, turn out to be unacceptable in the process of time. Or your own behaviour that you thought you could change does not change. There are many things that can cause a relationship to fail. But if you are able to learn from it, you have a good chance of starting next time with better conditions and avoiding mistakes.

Sin

Angelina you also imply that settling down with your first partner is always the wrong way to go. i would like to ask why this cannot lead to happiness?

It definitely can. :-)
Currently you are unable to explore options that should be considered essential learning experiences for a girl of your age. Gap year, travel, job opportunities in other towns / cities / countries, involvement in sporting groups, living together, living apart, living by yourself, uni, work etc... You are limited in all of these things (and more). It would be hard for you to take things slowly and explore your place in the world without severe limitations or adverse effects on your quality of life.

Angelina whether someone is abusing us is an individual matter.

When you recognise abuse, it's a natural reaction to speak up or try to intervene, in an attempt to help a victim that may be unable to help themselves. Sometimes this perception is completely wrong, or the attention is unwelcome. But it's hard to ignore.

a_father

Angelina i disagree, i don't repeat my father's opinion but have my own opinions which my father also knows. sometimes he takes them into account and sometimes he doesn't, but we still live in a community so i also have to abide by rules that don't reflect my opinion. if you don't see my opinion that's a pity, i have formulated my opinions on all sorts of things more than once here

@Angelina , your father hasn't to take your opinion into account and make rules. You are an adult and your father has no saying. You can talk with him about your life and your plans and he can give you advices. But he can't make rules at all. (I don't talk about sharing tasks in the house, what should be self-evident, but your sexual life is not his business)
I read about rules, punishment and discipline in too many families on this forum. What I miss is love. @Ines 's family now talked her younger sister into a chastity belt, but she dislikes it. They created new rules to make sure, she can't escape (but she will, and leave the family as soon as possible, I'm sure, because for someone who doesn't like this lifestyle, it's a torture).
Your father creates rules and you follow the rules although you disagree. What I really miss is love.
I love my two children and my love is for free. I hope, they become responsible adults. In everything I do, I think about what my children will think of me later and I try to avoid mistakes, what is really a hard job. Of course, I also talk about my own principles. Small children need guardrails in life. Now that they're almost grown, this is adult talk. Yes, we are all children of our time and marked by our experiences. But I hope I give them enough information and knowledge to become adults who can take care of their lifes. That is, what parents should do, not what I read here.

Angelina

Joh Your partner's characteristics, which you did not consider important at first, turn out to be unacceptable in the process of time. Or your own behaviour that you thought you could change does not change. There are many things that can cause a relationship to fail. But if you are able to learn from it, you have a good chance of starting next time with better conditions and avoiding mistakes.

of course, many first relationships fail, i have experienced this many times in my circle of friends. however, it is usually due to the fact that we did not communicate well enough with each other. it is important to talk openly and honestly with each other in the beginning about whether the ideas of life fit together, this takes away some of the romance in the beginning, but then we are sure that we can "let ourselves fall" into the relationship. 🙂

Sin It definitely can. :-)
Currently you are unable to explore options that should be considered essential learning experiences for a girl of your age. Gap year, travel, job opportunities in other towns / cities / countries, involvement in sporting groups, living together, living apart, living by yourself, uni, work etc... You are limited in all of these things (and more). It would be hard for you to take things slowly and explore your place in the world without severe limitations or adverse effects on your quality of life.

i agree with you that i am limited in many things, but if i really wanted to, we would find a solution. but the will is currently not there, i think we should decide for ourselves which options we want to use.

Sin When you recognise abuse, it's a natural reaction to speak up or try to intervene, in an attempt to help a victim that may be unable to help themselves.

I see it exactly the same way, but what is abuse for me or you can be something completely normal for others.

Mr-TM

Joh If you look how many first relationship working over long time you will see most of the time they fail.

Yes, I can confirm that. That's exactly what happened to me. However, I did not end this relationship/marriage lightly. After all, we were together for 10 years.
However, I have the feeling (correct me if I'm wrong) that it runs a little differently with cb wearers.
For one thing, until the wedding, it's mainly about the relationship and not about sex. And until a wedding, which is not concluded lightly and quickly, you can get to know your partner well enough.
On the other hand, it takes a lot of trust in the partner for the wearer to reveal the special underwear to him.

Know and trust the partner. For me, this is the basis for a good relationship.

LoonyMel

Sin options that should be considered essential learning experiences

That is what I was talking about in the school VS parents question about education.
Parents shape you in the beginning, but becoming mature is something that happens when someone learn to confront society outside.
That leads to the moment in which a child gets back home and realizes that he knows best on certain fields. No more adolescent rebellious arrogance, but a self conscious adult knowledge that leads the first "no, it is not like this. With my experience, now that I lived my share of life, I can tell that x works in an y manner...".
Usually that is the moment in which all family realizes the growth.
Safety comes in all sort of manners, but it can be limitative.
" wear an helmet while riding your bike" seems excessive sometimes, but there is also "I won't buy a bike because it can be dangerous".

As always, I think there is no simple black or white here; compromising is a perfect word for many situations.

Vanessa

Sin Currently you are unable to explore options that should be considered essential learning experiences

It is unusual to try all of this;some are common,like study,work,living on our own,etc...But some like,gap year,working in other countries,etc...are more unusual.

And our rules and devices don't prevent most of it(at least in my case).

Angelina if i really wanted to, we would find a solution. but the will is currently not there

Similar for me.

For example,I probably have been able to discuss with my parents about a gap year,but I prefer myself to start searching for a job soon after my studies.

Sara2001

Foxies I think I mostly agree with you. I can't change how I was raised and I don't have to feeling that I didn't had a choice which lifestyle I want, but I agree with you, that children shouldn't be raised with these role models nowadays, so if you have such a kind of relationship, you should hide it to some extend. This is at least how we want to handle things. Things like discipline and stuff should not happen in front of children and children shouldn't have gender related roles while they grow up.

Sin

@Sara2001 May I ask... What are your feelings towards the BDSM community? Do you think your lifestyle is related to kink in any way? Do you enjoy any other aspects of BDSM such as bondage, spanking etc?

Sara2001

Sin May I ask... What are your feelings towards the BDSM community? Do you think your lifestyle is related to kink in any way? Do you enjoy any other aspects of BDSM such as bondage, spanking etc?

I think BDSM is a version of playing what we do in real. I think our lifestyle is definitely related to kinks and I think as long as both of us are happy with integrating these kinks or at least are absolutely not unhappy to see these kinks in our relationship, everything is fine.

I am not sexually into bondage and if it comes to spanking, I am very well trained, that spankings are a way of discipline not sex and Daniel is traind to find the right level, so they feel like discipline, not like foreplay or something like that.

Joh

Angelina it is usually due to the fact that we did not communicate well enough with each other.

I agree too often the communication is not sufficient. But with some problems you can't solve it with communication. You can come the a conclusion which leads to a separation because it is the best.

Angelina whether the ideas of life fit together,

Sadly you can't predict everything in the beginning. You can not foresee in which direction each of you will develop but your approach will reduce the risk to fail.

Vanessa working in other countries,

Work in other countries are usual in Germany. I met many young people in other countries. They did it before they started studying.

Sin I think international travel will take a long time to recover. :-(

I see it too ☹️

Sin Travelled to a developing country, significantly invested in the local economy, learnt some of the Bahasa-Indonesian language, undertook extensive Indo-Australian negotiations, taught self defence to an underprivileged community group, did a research project into the Indonesian incarceration system"

Great. :-))

Sin

Vanessa I think Covid has stopped most gap year plans now anyway. :-(
In Australia it's almost a rite of passage... because we're so isolated most young people are itching to get out and experience different cultures / lifestyles. That's why you get so many feral Aussie backpackers in Europe. (You poor things!).

These days many employers see travel experience as an asset... being able to adapt to different situations, budgeting, people skills, communication, tolerance and understanding etc etc. You learn a lot from travelling.

I've found these gaps in my resume have actually given me a foot in the door several times... but unfortunately the situation for the current generation is vastly different to how it was. I think international travel will take a long time to recover. :-(

Incidentally, the only people who seem to travel as much as Aussies are Germans! No matter how far off the beaten track I go there's always Germans! I bump into them in the weirdest places.

Angelina

Vanessa For example,I probably have been able to discuss with my parents about a gap year

i might do that too, i think my father would agree, but it will take another 5 years (at least 3), but i also have the advantage that my future job is relatively secure.

Sin Incidentally, the only people who seem to travel as much as Aussies are Germans! No matter how far off the beaten track I go there's always Germans! I bump into them in the weirdest places.

🤣

Vanessa I think it is possible,yes;depending on our travels,however.More if we travel in other countries,and less with a travel agency.

and i think it depends on the reason. travelling to discover foreign cultures is of course more meaningful than travelling to get drunk and party.

Vanessa

Sin I think Covid has stopped most gap year plans now anyway. :-(

Probably yes.

Sin In Australia it's almost a rite of passage... because we're so isolated most young people are itching to get out and experience different cultures / lifestyles.

Less common in Europe,I think.At least in France.

Sin You learn a lot from travelling.

I think it is possible,yes;depending on our travels,however.More if we travel in other countries,and less with a travel agency.

Mr-TM

Sin Incidentally, the only people who seem to travel as much as Aussies are Germans! No matter how far off the beaten track I go there's always Germans! I bump into them in the weirdest places.

We are also travel world champions

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