It is good that you have found a way to put a pause between your impulse and your undesired habits, dealing with both of those things can be a really difficult journey.

I would like to ask you if you are aware that both masturbation and alcohol are both very common self medication methods for people with ADHD as they both provide a needed dopamine boost to their brain. Too much dopamine through these addictions does affect the frontal lobe of the brain which makes resisting the temptation much harder. If you haven't thought about possible undiagnosed ADHD, you may want to think about it. Not that it makes a difference so much with feeling the addiction. But if you have undiagnosed ADHD, learning about what makes you tick and why can be really helpful with doing life better and understanding why you have the struggles you do. Just a thought. I struggled for a long time and wasn't diagnosed until after I had my own kids. I wish I had found out earlier as it explains so much and helped me to move in a much more positive direction.

I council many people with ADHD and the things you mention are very very common. Sorry to mention it if it is not something that you think applies to you. I wish you good luck on your journey and you have the right idea about taking one day at a time. Self locking with a timer can make a big difference and is a great option for this sort of struggle.

In addition to what you are doing you may want to look into things which can give you a bit of dopamine in healthy ways such as exercise, these may make the push to drink and masturbate less.. just a thought.

    Thomas What you say makes sense. I've often thought I probably do have ADHD but have not been diagnosed. Over the last couple years I have been into researching nutrition and applying some of that knowledge, I think that may be what's helping me get the discipline to tackle these bad habits. I have been trying to get some exercise but haven't been consistent about it. Its also something that comes up a lot in the nutrition research I've been into that exercise is a big component. I just need to make sure I have the time.

      Greg

      maybe the chastity belt can be a solution for you if you really see a correlation between masturbating and drinking alcohol, i just wonder if the correlation is real or if it exists only in your head, because if it exists only in your head, you could also try to separate these two things from each other

      • Greg replied to this.

          Angelina So its not so much that they are directly coupled but rather both habits have a similar effect/cycle. When I drink, particularly if its a lot, its fun at the time but then I am tired or even hungover later. If I masturbate it too is fun at the time but then I feel much more tired and/or down later. The downward part of the cycle makes you want to do something to climb back up.

          So if I drank recently, I might be inclined to masturbate and vice versa. In addition, drinking weakens my will to resist things I normally don't want to do while I am drinking. The down cycle of one promotes the up cycle of the other and creates a vicious cycle for me. So far I am having much greater success breaking both at the same time.

              Thomas I would like to ask you if you are aware that both masturbation and alcohol are both very common self medication methods for people with ADHD as they both provide a needed dopamine boost to their brain

              What do you mean by needed

                  Jen What do you mean by needed

                  People with ADHD have dopamine deficient brains, the hormome levels are not the same as neurotypical people and so the brain needs more dopamine and often we seek things which give us more dopamine, which is often referred to as self medicating.. That can be masturbation, sexual behaviours, alcohol, drugs, very active sports, sugar, or adrenaline junkie type of activities.

                  The brain uses dopamine to feel good and to be able to focus properly. This is another reason why people with ADHD can hyper-focus on things that interest them. Liking a topic or activity can provide the extra dopamine which enables them to focus on it for a long period of time.. much longer than other people. But when they get bored in something they can't easily continue and go hunting for that next thing which they can hyperfocus on which gives them that burst of dopamine. We move from one hobby to another hobby regularly.

                  • Jen replied to this.
                  • Greg likes this.

                      Thomas ok so like having this continuous frustrating ache in me but if I can relax into it right it's just like a continuous buzz zzzz --- and that's basically maybe self medicating 😂

                      And other way too - yeah I mean I cope ok but I feel like a shell going through the motions and I just want to feel the buzz and have a break but my body just won't.

                        Greg

                        so let me get this straight, when you notice the negative sides of drinking alcohol, you start masturbating because it makes you a little happier again and you feel better?

                        • Greg replied to this.

                            Greg I think working to improve yourself is a good thing. Well done to you Sir. A lot of people cannot even see their own flaws let alone find the strength of will to actually address them.

                            I now see my own belt as an extension of my will and the strength of my decision to change. It is strange how much strength can come from looking at one's own weaknesses, accepting them as truth, and then bandaging and binding and patching them up. It's a healing process. Good luck to you.

                                Jonas Yea part of it is that I want to control my body, not my body control me. I've formed bad habits over a long period and typical methods haven't worked for me. Possibly once I've built up a good habit for a long enough time I won't need the belt anymore, I am unsure. Still just taking this one day at a time.

                                    Greg Jonas Yea part of it is that I want to control my body, not my body control me

                                    Absolutely. Trouble with some bodies is that they don't stop when they've got what they need, they just keep on pursuing food, sex, freedom, drugs, idleness etc until it gets harmful. It can get exhausting to keep enough willpower going to challenge all this. The belt helps by making it much more difficult for the body to act out "against your will".

                                    Have you tried getting an accountability partner to help you to control your habits?

                                        Jonas The belt helps by making it much more difficult for the body to act out "against your will".

                                        I like to think of it as leveraging the time when my will is strong overcome my weak will later, ie I decide to lock the belt when I am able so later I cannot give in to weakness.

                                        Jonas Have you tried getting an accountability partner to help you to control your habits?

                                        No one other than my wife knows about my belt. I don't know that I could tell anyone as its such a taboo subject, getting people past the whole fetish scene is nearly impossible, which you simply cannot avoid searching for any info on chastity devices and their uses. On the other hand, I am increasingly resolved as to my reasoning for wearing my belt, if someone were to find out I would just explain it to them and try to warn them not to bother with online searches.

                                        I do have a friend who knows about my masturbation and occasionally asks how I am doing on that.

                                        Today I made my first goal of 16 days. I am taking a morning break out of my belt before putting it back on later probably after I get some exercise. I think I got over the "hump" of extreme frustration I was having earlier this week, but who knows it could return just have to persevere. Now regarding drinking, I did end up having some whiskey the other day, I won't let it get me down just going to move on and keep trying. I am not trying to stop for good just get used to not having it frequently.

                                              Greg On the other hand, I am increasingly resolved as to my reasoning for wearing my belt, if someone were to find out I would just explain it to them and try to warn them not to bother with online searches.

                                              This is where I'm at. In fact I wouldn't even bother to warn them about online searches. I wear a chastity belt, my reasons are sound. If people want to know why they can ask. If they want to wrongly assume they can do that too. My decision to wear is more important to me.

                                              I do have a friend who knows about my masturbation and occasionally asks how I am doing on that.

                                              Wow, that's not nothing. You could tell them how you solved the problem when they next ask! 😄

                                              Now regarding drinking, I did end up having some whiskey the other day, I won't let it get me down just going to move on and keep trying. I am not trying to stop for good just get used to not having it frequently.

                                              Yeah vital not to allow lapses to derail the whole project. Important to see the sheer number of hours/days/weeks of success.

                                                  Jonas In fact I wouldn't even bother to warn them about online searches.

                                                  Well the reason I would say something about the internet is that its quite common to learn about things with an internet search. So if I told a friend about my situation and why I do it, they might later be inclined to learn more only be to slapped with all kinds of fetish nonsense. We need more sites like this one so at least there's another way of looking at this out there.

                                                  Yesterday was an interesting day. I had intended to have a morning break, do some exercise, get cleaned up and put my belt back on. It ended up being much later in the afternoon and I didn't exercise. I was really struggling to convince myself to re-lock. That's the major pitfall of self-locking, but I managed. Its interesting though that I felt rather down prior and that's why (or at least I thought) I didn't want to put my belt back on, but once I did re-lock I started to feel better. I did relax in the evening and had some whiskey, it wasn't a failure just a decision...it was Friday evening, the weekend, that's the appropriate time if there is one.

                                                  Today I am just going to leave the belt on until its time to shower, I can easily do light exercise without removal as its only really intense stuff where its an issue. The other thing I am doing is keeping a log of how things are going as it helps to write down my own thoughts and observations even when I was struggling yesterday my last entry was "I am not going to put my belt back on"...glad I was wrong about that.

                                                      Greg

                                                      Greg I didn't want to put my belt back on, but once I did re-lock I started to feel better.

                                                      Wearing a Chastity Belt for guys also gives a bit of an increase in dopamine, similar to testicular massage will do, so that may be why you felt better after putting it back on. Also it feels good to commit to a good decision!

                                                            Thomas Also it feels good to commit to a good decision!

                                                            Yes it definitely does!

                                                              Greg The other thing I am doing is keeping a log of how things are going as it helps to write down my own thoughts and observations even when I was struggling yesterday my last entry was "I am not going to put my belt back on"...glad I was wrong about that.

                                                              that's good, that's very good, unlike you, i don't wear the belt voluntarily, but in the beginning i also kept a diary about it and wrote down my frustrations, you quickly notice in which situations you are aroused and can get better control over it 🙂

                                                                  Angelina I don't like reading that your situation is involuntary hopefully its not too forceful, I know I saw some posts about it and wanted to read through to get familiar but hadn't done that yet. I am glad you are still able to have a positive attitude about it and even be encouraging to others.

                                                                  The logging really helps, its a way to vent what I am thinking and then I can also look back and try to observe patterns in my behavior to hopefully deal with them better later. One such pattern is that sometimes I get this intense feeling of just not wanting the belt on my body, so I start to think I won't use it or when I have a chance to remove it I won't put it back. I've realized this is just me semi-consciously trying to justify leaving it off so I can do what its intended to prevent.

                                                                    Greg Its interesting though that I felt rather down prior and that's why (or at least I thought) I didn't want to put my belt back on, but once I did re-lock I started to feel better.

                                                                    Omg yes I remember learning this. The belt is freedom - like you don't have to control or worry any more. Of course we feel better once it's relocked.