Keyholder welcome thread.

Jen

Damien I think dating is important to understand what kind of partner you want later in life.

This disturbs me like what should I assume my first guy is a try-out? Like what if my husband is my first date?

Ines

I think the same. I have dated only a guy in my life.
And I was safe that I liked him before start to date.
Start dating and try is not a smart strategy, specially when the girl wears a chastity belt.

Sin

Jen This disturbs me like what should I assume my first guy is a try-out?

1000% yes.

Jen Like what if my husband is my first date?

What if he seems like a nice guy but two years into a relationship you realise he's not really for you?

Joh

Jen A critical period has turned out to be 5 to 7 years. During this period, in most relationships the little things have accumulated into a problem. Even if things go very well in the first years, it can then come to a break if it is not actively dealt with by both.
I want to show how important it is to get to know each other over a longer period of time. It may seem like a trial and error. I think it is time well spent compared to a lifelong relationship.

This doesn't mean you need to have Sex with him during this time. If He is the right one He will wait.

Damien

When I mention dating, I have a classic first date in mind - café or restaurant, talking to get to know each other.

Laura

Damien because she was not able to express her desires, states of emotion and goals very well.

Didn't she just want to stay virgin?

Damien

Laura Ideally I'm keyholding for humans, not hymens. I see virginity as an abstract cultural ideal, associated with purity, chastity, and certain standards of social behaviour. In former times, girls who have never been with a man have been called a virgin. What is virginity to you Laura? Somebody had oral or anal sex and gave or received many orgasms, but was never penetrated vaginally, is she virgin? Somebody who tore her hymen when she was four by accident? I don't want to sell a virgin to the highest bidder, so I mostly care about her current motivation and state of mind.

Laura

Damien You are really talking like ChatGPT 😂 . Back to you question, it's just a family tradition

Damien

Your answer seems to be about a family tradition of unwed chastity, but as you brought up virginity: What is it to you?

Ines

Damien

Damien, there is a topic about this and you can read there plenty of opinions and values.
This is a keyholder thread.

Ines

Sin What if he seems like a nice guy but two years into a relationship you realise he's not really for you?

Well, we should try another boy, but I would not lose my virginity with a try, Sin.
Jen' s approach and yours are compatible, I believe.

Jen

Sin What if he seems like a nice guy but two years into a relationship you realise he's not really for you?

Ok yeah who knows but I want to assume he is like why date otherwise

Sin

Ines I agree, I meant more the dating aspect... I can't imagine how much my life would suck if I permanently hooked up with the first few guys I dated as a teenager.

MissBlossom

Sin I can't imagine how much my life would suck if I permanently hooked up with the first few guys I dated as a teenager.

I think the idea is that the bad guys won't marry you, so instead of getting stuck with them you never lose part of your heart to them if that makes sense.

But we each need to find our own path, and decide on our own goals.

Angelina

Sin I can't imagine how much my life would suck if I permanently hooked up with the first few guys I dated as a teenager.

then you had different values as a teenager than you do today, i think that's one of the main reasons why relationships fail. How often do I ask myself: "he/she" must have felt something for the partner, what happened?

Sin

Angelina then you had different values as a teenager than you do today, i think that's one of the main reasons why relationships fail. How often do I ask myself: "he/she" must have

I just think it takes time to get to know someone and decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Sometimes you fall into complacency because it's comfortable, but with the benefit of hindsight you realise you should have broken up much earlier. Sometimes it takes a while to figure that out. It's easy to go "He / she is the one!" when you first fall in love. Doesn't mean it is though.

Angelina

Sin

i think especially when you're young (and yes i know, i'm still young myself) you tend to look for a partner just to have a partner. your first friends also have partners and you don't want to be alone. unfortunately, this often leads to finding the wrong one and not wanting to admit to yourself that it would be better to be single.

Jen

Joh wow like 5-7 years is insane like legit like either he's the one or I'll move on!!!

Joh

Jen wow like 5-7 years is insane like legit like either he's the one or I'll move on!!!

Yes, do it if you are in the situation.
I just wanted to point out that really getting to know each other and the unpleasant sides of the other can show up quite late. And from my experience I can confirm it. The first few years are very good, then here and there are little things that bother you a bit, but over time they slowly build up into problems if they are not actively addressed. And all of a sudden things start to go wrong.

MissBlossom

Joh
I think that happens because people think "I want this to work" instead of "I want to know if this is right." If your goal is to figure out if you are right for each other, and you actively share your deal breakers and your shortcomings and quirks, and you don't each pretend to be a perfect little angel for as long as you can keep it up, I don't think it takes nearly as long.

Angelina

Joh

what you write is true, but then i would say that something went terribly wrong at the beginning. if both partners are honest and behave honestly, unpleasant surprises should no longer occur after a few years.

pestulens

MissBlossom My brother went through this shift not long ago. His longtime girlfriend left him shortly after they got engaged a few years back. After he started dating again, he approached it from a different perspective. He wasn't looking for a girlfriend, but someone who wanted to marry him. He got married about a year ago and they just had their first kid. He seems to be much happier than I have seen him in a long time so it worked well for him.

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