Advice for potential new Keyholders

WriterAlexis

it should be best that a ruler is both feared and loved.

But you have to be somewhat realistic about the possibility of that being accomplished.

"Since love and fear can hardly exist together"

youdontknowme

pestulens I never subscribed to the theory that the prince was intended as sabotage.

The way I heard it, Machiavelli wrote it for a ruthless lord, and a large reason why he spoke so favorably of rule by fear is because that is what the lord expected. But he also wrote in the words about trying to maintain a basic amount of love and avoiding hatred to discourage a reign of terror.

WriterAlexis But you have to be somewhat realistic about the possibility of that being accomplished.

"Since love and fear can hardly exist together"

I feel that a healthy balance of those can exist, though obviously the fear can only be so strong before it starts eating away at the love.

Sasha These have been the best military commanders in history. They are feared by their enemies, but have also earned their respect.
Suffice to say not many accomplish this goal

Not just military commanders by their enemy. Their own soldiers also often have a mix of love and fear when it comes to an effective commander.

And not just in military terms either. Authority figures everywhere are like that. Respect for an authority figure is based on fear and love being in balance. Teachers, bosses, police officers... you name it.

Sasha

youdontknowme he also said it should be best that a ruler is both feared and loved

These have been the best military commanders in history. They are feared by their enemies, but have also earned their respect.
Suffice to say not many accomplish this goal

Angelina

Susan and like you all thought, they did go back to Alexis' place right after we met

Thanks for the update, I'm horrified, so many things were done wrong and, above all, it greatly devalues your conversation. I think Jane didn't know that she would be measured after the conversation, the decision was already made by Monika alone before you spoke. I think your conversation served as an alibi to convince Jane to come along. If thigh bands were also ordered, it also looks as if masturbation is to be prevented, because thigh bands are not necessary to prevent "just sex". My pity for Jane, you can feel sorry for her 🙁

The right way would have been if Monica and Jane had gone home after the conversation, talked about the conversation and only made a decision a few days later

Susan She said she and her mom have had multiple talks about it, trying to prepare her for wearing it.

Can you explain in more detail, how should Jane wear belt and thighbands?

Susan

Angelina I agree with you. Monica jumped into this too fast, there should have been more time but the belt and the bands are on order. I have tried to tell her to chill, and AJ has talked with her too. I am hoping both join the forum or at least look at what others say here. No belt yet, but I am sure Jane will reach out when it arrives.

As for thighbands, I guess they were ordered out of frustration by her mom to stop everything. Truthfully I think Monica would just be happy if she just stopped having sex.

Susan

Joh I have mentioned it to Jane several times, that this is a good place to get good advice from a whole bunch of people. If she does end up wearing a belt, she is not alone, there are others besides me and Kate that she can talk to. It would be a big step, but others out there will help.

Angelina

Susan As for thighbands, I guess they were ordered out of frustration by her mom to stop everything. Truthfully I think Monica would just be happy if she just stopped having sex.

i'm not defending what Jane did, but Monica is taking a wrong turn, the belt will feel like a punishment to Jane if she doesn't also think it helps to wear one. i'm a little worried that the wearing rules will be an overreaction just like the thighbands thing, keep us posted please

Jenna

Owl How did I know you would venture in that direction 😀? That would like be a "tough ask". Her priority, I am sure, is to get her daughter under control. I doubt she would wear one too, but one never knows...

For what it is worth I have mentioned the forum several times, as Susan has to Jane, that they should at the very least look at the posts and the wide variety of opinions and strong advice offered here. My hope is that they do so and that both know that there is a community out there that understands the challenges that Monica and Jane will face if indeed they go down this road, as appears likely.

Jenna

youdontknowme This is the part that makes the forum so valuable. It was important to me the both Susan and Kate not view chastity as a punishment, but rather as an aide to help avoid serious mistakes. With Jane, those mistakes have already been made, and luckily with her few long term damages aside from reputational damage and shame brought upon her and her mother.

youdontknowme demonstrating that chastity is something you can accept into your life out of your own free will

This is also a big deal and I hope that Monica is able to convince Jane of this as I have with my girls. You may not like wearing a belt, and the restrictions that come with it, but if you accept why it is necessary and why it should be worn it makes it easier to accept.

Sasha

Angelina the belt will feel like a punishment

Won’t feel like, it will be a punishment. And given what we know the rules will most likely be very strict.
I saw mine and the restrictions as a tool to grow and develop from what I was. Because I accepted I had a problem.
Without that acceptance this is nothing less than a punishment to her

Susan

Angelina I think you are right, Monica is coming on too strong. Jane texted me today and said that her mom got the shipping notification and the belt is being delivered next week. She is nervous, but I will talk to her, I told her it's scary at first but you get used to it.

Angelina

Sasha Without that acceptance this is nothing less than a punishment to her

right and that's exactly the point that's missing, Jane's consent. If she doesn't see the belt as a tool, she will only see it as a punishment and then Monica will have achieved her goals, but she will have a very strained relationship with her daughter.
Monica wants Jane to be a good girl, so she should set a good example herself. I appreciate that Jenna and Susan took the time to attend the meeting, but it seems like it was just an alibi to convince Jane to go to the store

Raquel

Susan I told it was almost for sure for thigh bands. I told her what those were for and she was not too happy.

i´m sure too, but with 0 masturbation rule, it´s obvious she´ll have to use them. I hope her mom was reasonable keyholder.

Susan I know Jane's situation is different, she has behaved like a slut so I know why her mom is pissed and wants to move fast.

Agree, she did.

Sabina If Jane does start wearing it, it's probably because she accepts it to some extent, though she may not be happy wearing it at the same time. A bit of a paradoxical contradiction.

Every girl here gives her consent to it but sometimes we don´t share decisions of our keyholders

Jenna I told Monica that chastity, in her case, is only part of the solution, she needs to rebuild trust with her daughter.

To use a belt could be the first step

Jenna

Raquel To use a belt could be the first step

It could and my hope is that she is successful in convincing Jane that it is the right thing to do. I don't know how it will play out, but I will keep the group informed.

Susan

Raquel i´m sure too, but with 0 masturbation rule, it´s obvious she´ll have to use them. I hope her mom was reasonable keyholder.

Maybe, not sure how that will be handled. I only wore them once, and only after I agreed to it. I hope her mom is not insistent.

WriterAlexis

Susan

she has behaved like a slut so I know why her mom is pissed and wants to move fast.

I think the first step, long before any chastity is imposed, is to understand where Jane's behavior was originating. Is there something specific that was causing her to act out or rebel against? Or does she simply want to have sex because she sees nothing wrong with it? Did she do anything excessively risky or dangerous by engaging in it?

I find it incomprehensible that a punishment could be effective in any capacity if the recipient feels she has committed no offense.

Susan

WriterAlexis I totally agree with you. I think she knows she fucked up and is showing some contrition now. She knows her mom is pissed off and she knows she crossed some major lines and there is price she has to pay for that. I don't know the whole story behind her actions, maybe one day she will share. I will help her though. She is a cool girl and I will help her as best I can.

Joh

I agree with you that it is very good to understand why she behaved the way she did. But I think she has an idea that the way she behaved is not considered right by the general public. There seems to be a willingness to change.

Susan

Angelina I thought the same thing too. Monica was going to do this anyway, but having AJ and me there provided her some credibility. That woman at the store, Alexis is hard core, she thinks girls should be in chastity all the time. I can just about guarantee she pushed Monica to move forward.

Greatcornbow

Angelina right and that's exactly the point that's missing, Jane's consent. If she doesn't see the belt as a tool, she will only see it as a punishment and then Monica will have achieved her goals, but she will have a very strained relationship with her daughter.
Monica wants Jane to be a good girl, so she should set a good example herself. I appreciate that Jenna and Susan took the time to attend the meeting, but it seems like it was just an alibi to convince Jane to go to the store

How about starting off with consent being on basis that it continues subject to being terminable on a period of [x] months notice?

Angelina

Susan Maybe, not sure how that will be handled. I only wore them once, and only after I agreed to it. I hope her mom is not insistent.

Can you ask Jane what the rules for wearing the belt and thigh bands should be? I think Monica and Jane will definitely have talked about it

Susan Monica was going to do this anyway

The question is whether Jane knew that and whether she would then have come along at all?

No matter what you think about what your aunt did, there remains a crucial difference. Jenna asked you for consensus beforehand, but Monica didn't do that. There is no consent from Jane (not even a reluctant one like "I don't like it, but I can accept it"). It was decided entirely over Jane's head what should happen and that's a no-go

Ines

Susan That woman at the store, Alexis is hard core, she thinks girls should be in chastity all the time.

But she is the woman that fix and customize your own belt, right?
Anyway there are big difference between "to think" and "to force". I think too that A LOT of things would be better if more women were wearing a chastity belt, your aunt @Jenna and her mom Monica too.
But, specially if you run a workshop and you have seen a lot of girls and a lot of cases, you can not be pushy. My family has a workshop that works, not only, the belts and accessories, and the environment is very different, and the owner is a man, when he is checking everything girls can talk with him freely and tell him every adjustment issue.
Reading you, it seems to me that Alexis is very worried about sell belts and much less about the ethics and relationship. If she sells the belt, she won.

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