Carlos I mean I’m the least qualified to give relationship advice, being the kind of girl that hurt her. But I don’t get the feeling you are in a good situation. Seems like you were forced into this, then the rules became overbearing without your input.
Now your current partner is forcing you into this.
My belt was the best thing that ever happened to me in so many ways. But seems like you’re the opposite. It’s never helped you, it’s changed your mental state in various negative ways, as well as negatively affecting your social life. Please give careful consideration to this relationship continuing, it doesn’t sound healthy verging on abusive.
She can be as mad as she wants at girls like me, I earned that. You don’t deserve it, and deserve to be in control unless giving that up brings you happiness, which it doesn’t seem like it is.