Newbie's questions

Angelina

there are different levels in my family, my father sets then for each level a penalty. the exact penalty is then in the contract and is measured according to the severity within this gradation

sounds complicated, it is 😉

but it is under lies and the breakage of my devices, because in our home the ideology of the family is above the ideology of an individual

Vanessa

Angelina

It is less formal in my family,but there is offenses more serious than others and it can be more or less severe depending on how much I break a rule,and if it is a repeated offense or not.

It is surprising he considers such dangerous behavior less serious than other ones,but I understand it depends on his opinion(even if I don't share it).

Angelina

Vanessa and it can be more or less severe depending on how much I break a rule,and if it is a repeated offense or not.

this is the same with me, also my punishment depends very much on whether I do something on purpose or by accident

Vanessa It is surprising he considers such dangerous behavior less serious than other ones

you can believe me, i get hard punishments when i put myself in danger, but the family is above the individual

Vanessa

Angelina my punishment depends very much on whether I do something on purpose or by accident

Same.I think it is logical and fair.

Angelina you can believe me, i get hard punishments when i put myself in danger, but the family is above the individual

But if you're hurt,it would hurt the family,too...

Angelina

Vanessa But if you're hurt,it would hurt the family,too...

of course and my father would be very worried about me, but would also punish me severely (if it was my own fault) . it is more about family morals and values and norms

Vanessa

Angelina

Same for me,my parents would be worried,but if it is my own fault,I would get a very severe punishment.

So,if you had the choice,it would be better to tell your father you tried smoking than trying to lie about it?

Angelina

Vanessa

when i smoke and tell my father i am also punished, but if my father catches me smoking then even harder and hardest when my father asks me and i lie to him

because the punishment for lying would be in addition to the punishment for smoking

Vanessa

Angelina

It is the same in my case,if I lie(like to try to avoid a punishment),it'll be more severe.

But,in your case,the punishment for lying would be the worse,while,in my case,it would be the one for smoking.

Angelina

Vanessa

i read it again yesterday . if i smoke i am grounded for 2 weeks and have to write an essay of 10 pages. if i lie to him about it i am grounded for 6 weeks and have 25 pages of essay 🙁

Vanessa

Angelina

Much more!

I still find that lieing is not that worse than doing something endangering your health,but as long as you're fine with it and that you take care to not break these rules,I guess it is ok.

Sara2001

Vanessa I still find that lieing is not that worse than doing something endangering your health,but as long as you're fine with it and that you take care to not break these rules,I guess it is ok.

In our family "bringing yourself in danger" and lying has almost the same and hardest consequences, but endangering almost never happened. After this comes disrespect and disobedience. Both very severe punished but not as severe than the first two.

Angelina

Vanessa Much more!

therefore I often admit misconduct myself

Sara2001 In our family "bringing yourself in danger" and lying has almost the same and hardest consequences

just like me, but lying will be punished much harder, but right after that come things that I endanger myself or others

Vanessa

Sara2001

I understand more that order of importance for the rules.

And,yes,it can happen more easily to lie than to do dangerous behavior.

Angelina therefore I often admit misconduct myself

Wise decision!

Angelina

Vanessa And,yes,it can happen more easily to lie than to do dangerous behavior.

not if you know that the punishment is much harsher 😉

Vanessa

Angelina

I meant there is more cases in which we can lie(if we decide to),that cases in which we put ourselves in danger(including smoking,drinking too much,etc...).

Angelina

Vanessa I meant there is more cases in which we can lie

of course, but if you know that the punishment will be much harder, you better watch out if you really want to take the risk 😉

Vanessa

Angelina

Sure.In your case,it is very risked.

In my case,caught lieing would be punished,and,if I lay to avoid a punishment for another offense,the punishment for this offense would be much harder.So,generally,I do it only if I think I've enough chances to not be caught,or if it is worth the risk.

Angelina

Vanessa

i would only take the risk in emergencies, i.e. only if i could be sure that the punishment would not ruin my life. with everything that threatens my relationship i would never take that risk

Sara2001

Vanessa In my case,caught lieing would be punished,and,if I lay to avoid a punishment for another offense,the punishment for this offense would be much harder.So,generally,I do it only if I think I've enough chances to not be caught,or if it is worth the risk.

Same here, lying to prevent a punishment and even holding back information that would be relevant for the punishment, even if I am not asked about this particular point, will lead to a very severe punishment for lying and will lead to a much harder punishment for the original offence.

Luckily ending my relationship will never be part of any punishment I may get.

Vanessa

Angelina

I understand It.If I know lying would make me have to break-up with Emilie,I would not do it either.

Sara2001

Even if unpleasant,I've to admit it is not illogical...It's the same rule for me.Except,generally,there is only one,much more severe,punishment,for the offense,not two separate ones.

It wouldn't lead to break-up with a boyfriend/girlfriend too(but it can lead to me being grounded,with no contact with him/her during it).

Angelina Fortunately, that's not the case with me

You're lucky.I think it is not accepted,generally,and often considered as lying.

Angelina this punishment exists with me unfortunately 🙁 but only for very serious offences. i hope my father will remove this punishment soon, because my relationship is an important part of my life

in the last few days i have been thinking about proposing a substitute punishment for such cases, which is also very unpleasant for me but at least it does not endanger my relationship

I think it would be better to not use it anymore,as your relationship is serious and can lead to a marriage.

What idea(s) do you have?

Angelina

Sara2001 and even holding back information

Fortunately, that's not the case with me 😃

Sara2001 Luckily ending my relationship will never be part of any punishment I may get.

this punishment exists with me unfortunately 🙁 but only for very serious offences. i hope my father will remove this punishment soon, because my relationship is an important part of my life

in the last few days i have been thinking about proposing a substitute punishment for such cases, which is also very unpleasant for me but at least it does not endanger my relationship

Sara2001

Angelina in the last few days i have been thinking about proposing a substitute punishment for such cases, which is also very unpleasant for me but at least it does not endanger my relationship

I can imagine a punishment that would be similar to being no longer allowed to be with Daniel and to quit the relationship. This relationship is by far the most valuable thing I have.

Vanessa It wouldn't lead to break-up with a boyfriend/girlfriend too(but it can lead to me being grounded,with no contact with him/her during it).

This could happen to me, too.

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