A Fundamental question
HHelen You just can't force anyone, girl wear belts with their consent.
Absolutely. I think if you life in a developed country, every wearer can easily get out of the belt if she/he decides to do so. This doesn't mean that parents can't convince their minor kids what I don't support. But I don't think it's possible to brainwash someone enough to accept this without thinking about legal aspects and ways to get out. I think at the end every real "forced" wearer here is convinced in one or the other way. Family values play an important role I think.
Not so easy to avoid it in a developed country.
Violent physical abuse is one thing, but there are also social or economic blackmail.
There are people who are clearly not able to support themselves if thrown out of the house, there are minors, there are people who cannot accept to cut ties with families...
Not so easy to escape from coercition...
Ines No, never, forum does not endorse or justify forced chastity, do not get confused with it.
I confirm.
What would be the consequences if you decide to quit?
Not related to your mother wanting you still wear it,so.
LoonyMel there are also social or economic blackmail.
Right.
I can stop wearing it when I want,but I would have to leave,and it would break the relationship with my parents.
Vanessa I can stop wearing it when I want,but I would have to leave,and it would break the relationship with my parents.
Would it really though? A parent's love is unconditional. It may not seem that way to a child, but you are the product of a lifetime of hard work and dedication. Sure, they might be disappointed... But severing ties because you won't wear their favourite underwear? Seriously?
My bet is they would miss you terribly the moment you disappeared from their lives. It's just a perception of power that keeps you there. Flip that on it's head and they would start questioning their parenting methods pretty damn quickly.
And if they really would block you despite you being a well adjusted, capable adult... well then you should probably start asking yourself if it's worth hanging around for that kind of relationship.
Money is still something that bind us.
If it was not so consuming to live alone probably parents would feel less entitled.
Or, at least, they would have a lot less leverage.
When you throw off the affection and become a parent just put of dependence it is hard to resist when it comes to an end.
Sin Flip that on it's head and they would start questioning their parenting methods pretty damn quickly.
whereby we would then be no better than our parents. it is true that what our parents do is a form of blackmail, but the other way round we would also blackmail our parents. if it went according to the method, there would no longer be any rules and everyone would do what he/she wants. then families would be destroyed.
Angelina it is true that what our parents do is a form of blackmail, but the other way round we would also blackmail our parents.
No because there is no blackmail in the other direction. "I love you but I'm not a child and I'm not doing this anymore, it's damaging. I'm moving into a share house with my friends."
If he cuts off ties with you for that he's going to die a very lonely old man. You are his world. You said yourself he's got no-one else. That's a lot to give up! It might break him but it sounds like he needs it.
Sin No because there is no blackmail in the other direction. "I love you but I'm not a child and I'm not doing this anymore, it's damaging. I'm moving into a share house with my friends."
This is 100% my stance. Sons and daughters are meant to develop and going away. It is natural, not something done to hurt.
That is what should happen.
Expecially when some environment becomes toxic on the long run. Sadly sometimes this is difficult.
The message the parents are sending is so pervasive, though. You go to (an American) high school and are told you can't bare your shoulders least it inflame passions in the boys. You go to church and are told it's God's plan that you be chaste. So you go home and hear the same thing and after a while you believe this all pervasive message. It's hard to rebel.
Avery I have never been to the USA but my perception is that it has really turned to fundamentalist Christianity in the last 20 years or so. This never seemed to be the case in the 90s... you never really saw it on tv or heard about it in music, but now it's everywhere. I'm sure people went to church, but now it seems to be a really huge, ingrained part of society. It influences your laws despite there supposedly being a seperation between church and state.
I might be wrong but my perception is that the USA is now at least as fundamentalist / religious as much of the middle east. Certainly a lot more than Australia or much of Western Europe.
All the more reason to tread your own path I would say! ;-)
Sin No because there is no blackmail in the other direction. "I love you but I'm not a child and I'm not doing this anymore, it's damaging. I'm moving into a share house with my friends."
i understand what you mean, but i don't know if it's bad for me. my dad thinks it's good for me and i think it's not good for me, but neither of us has any proof that it's right for me to wear a belt or not.
besides, i don't think that's the way families should talk to each other. it's more like talking to a boss who almost runs the company into the ground for the third time.
Avery after a while you believe this all pervasive message. It's hard to rebel.
i don't believe my father's claims, but i can't prove the opposite either