youdontknowme Jonas Slightly ironic that we are talking about your relationship with your keyholder wife in a topic called "male keyholder", but hey, that is how topics gradually shift.

Lol, yeah. I think the same kinds of things apply to MM relationships though.

I imagine the "direct effect on her" you mentioned involves the fact that this arrangement limits her use of your body as well. Is that something she happily accepts (because of the benefits it provides in other parts of your relationship, or because of her love for you) or something she puts up with?

Put it this way: my chastity interferes with our relationship a whole lot less than my masturbation did. In fact, as I say, my wife sees many benefits.

Over time I've seen how by dumping porn and masturbation I could increase my focus on her and increase my faithfulness to her. Sexually, she becomes my entire world. In this sense, orgasm is a "release" that I don't ever want.

Finally, nearing my 50s, I've seen other men make a right hash of their marriages ...all in the pursuit of meaningless sex and I don't want that for us. One of the reasons that I was attracted to this forum is that I see a kind of symmetry between an unwed female saving themselves for their life-partner and an long-wed male doing the same kind of thing.

I get the feeling that many of the female members think male chastity is odd, or against their idea of manhood, and this is entirely understandable, especially when you're in the business of finding a partner. However once found, a partner who wants to stick around and forswear all others is quite a good thing!

      Jonas Put it this way: my chastity interferes with our relationship a whole lot less than my masturbation did. In fact, as I say, my wife sees many benefits.

      Would you mind listing a few of the major (dis)advantages of masturbation and chastity in marriage?

      Jonas I get the feeling that many of the female members think male chastity is odd, or against their idea of manhood, and this is entirely understandable, especially when you're in the business of finding a partner. However once found, a partner who wants to stick around and forswear all others is quite a good thing!

      I could imagine a future like yours. Giving my wife the key to my chastity cage/belt as sign of love, not as a sign of submission. Something like: "I trust you so much, I am giving you complete control about my sexuality"

      May I ask you another question?
      Do you frequently have spontaneous ejaculations such as wet dreams? Are you also constantly dripping?

            Lukas We broke up because after being with me for years she decided that it wasn't enough that I licked or fingered her everytime she wanted me to so she decided to fuck another guy. After I found out, I broke up with her.

            If she was very in love with you,she would have waited,and not cheated.I hope you would fine someone else soon who love you,understand your situation,and could wait(and support you,too).

              markules Would you mind listing a few of the major (dis)advantages of masturbation and chastity in marriage?

              I guess I accept that masturbation can compensate when one party has a higher sex drive than the other, or serve when people are apart. However, masturbation, as a regular solo activity, seems to me to go against the idea of a union between two people. I don't in any way think of it as a "sin", just something to be wary of:

              To my mind, self-gratification short-circuits the need to make the effort to maintain a loving, sexual, relationship with a partner. I see porn and masturbation as having the potential to be addictive (time-consuming) and divisive. Eg: Where a partner is always staying up late masturbating, time together is lost both in the evening and morning. Intimacy can also be lost.

              Conversely, chastity is fun game and one that's common enough in couples to be mentioned in sex/relationship guides. Chastity is also often used to save oneself for the person you love. This can be while you're looking for a life-partner, but it can also be true at any point in a relationship. Interestingly chastity belts can also handle some mismatched sex drives as the belt can make some wearers feel like they are constantly having sex, or constantly being looked after. Eg: I feel in no way neglected by being in chastity!

              The disadvantages of chastity belts are obviously revolve around the fact that if taken to the furthest extent this they entirely block sexual penetration. This can be a problem or no problem at all depending on how you have sex, and what you both consider to be sex. Orgasm provides an end to sexual experience so in its absence steps have to be taken to manage frustration (keep things positive) and to ensure that the sex drive doesn't then dominate and detract from other aspects of your life together.

              I could imagine a future like yours. Giving my wife the key to my chastity cage/belt as sign of love, not as a sign of submission. Something like: "I trust you so much, I am giving you complete control about my sexuality"

              We have a relationship of equals, yes. We also have huge trust, which is so cool. Where I am weak she is strong (and hopefully vice-versa). In the case of sex I feel myself to be very weak, so it makes sense to us for her to be in charge of that aspect. Together we are then stronger, which is as it should be.

              Do you frequently have spontaneous ejaculations such as wet dreams?
              Are you also constantly dripping?

              No. I sometimes leak a bit if we're messing about, but tbh we try to avoid this and treat it as a sign we've gone a bit far with me.

                  Jonas Hey Jonas, although I am sexually inexperienced, I really envy your relationship with your wife! If must be great to have such a caring keyholder which you are together as equals, but still in a chastity relationship. I hope that one day I will also have a relationship where each party completes each other.

                  Have you ever been in chastity while looking for a partner? If you found a candidate how did they react about your chastity?

                      markules Hey Jonas, although I am sexually inexperienced, I really envy your relationship with your wife! If must be great to have such a caring keyholder which you are together as equals, but still in a chastity relationship.

                      I am a very lucky man. My wife accepts that chastity is an important part of who I am and that's great. In a more vanilla sense, chastity can be seen as ultra-faithfulness and I think faithfulness a highly valued trait.

                      I hope that one day I will also have a relationship where each party completes each other.

                      I am sure you will find who you're looking for! They're out there right now!!

                      Have you ever been in chastity while looking for a partner? If you found a candidate how did they react about your chastity?

                      Chastity is something that developed over time in me, so I've never had the experience of telling someone about it. However, that's not to say I haven't shared all kinds of very private and intimate things, but good communication is, I think vital, if you want to both remain happy long term.

                        I think at this point we have really derailed the topic quite thoroughly, and it might help if a moderator could fork this off into a "being a chaste husband" topic or something along those lines.

                        Jonas No. I sometimes leak a bit if we're messing about, but tbh we try to avoid this and treat it as a sign we've gone a bit far with me.

                        I feel like this is taking chastity a bit too far. I always thought it was quite healthy for the relationship to orgasm in the embrace (and whatever else) of your spouse, and surely if it is not the genital stimulation that is making you leak it cannot be a bad thing.

                            I have a status update about my situation. I am wearing my chastity cage like a pair of underwear. I usually lock myself in the morning and unlock myself in the evening. If I feel the temptation to masturbate/orgasm I use a lidocaine gel which numbs my penis. I can still masturbate, but if I apply enough, it is impossible to feel anything. I want to wear the device at night, but the erections are so strong that I often wake up. The cage is quite comfortable. I will have a new urethral tube soon. I ordered a new one from Amazon.
                            The keys are still with me. I have one on my key chain and one in a case that is "sealed" with a zip tie. It is there to remind me why I do not want to masturbate. My last masturbation was 3 days ago. That's quite a success for me. I haven't given any key to my dad yet as I am not fully accustomed to the device. Also the ring size must be a bit smaller.

                            Last New Year's Eve I forgot a chastity device at my neighbour's. He (is the boyfriend of my sister) found it and told all his friends about it. Then my sister called and asked me if it was mine. I confirmed as I did not want her to send a picture of it into the party's WhatsApp group. I picked it up from my neighbour who almost laughed at me. I was furious that he told his friends, but now as he has explained why, I am ok with it.
                            The last night from Saturday to Sunday we drank a lot at his place. When we were very drunk I asked him what he thinks of my chastity cage? He said that he does not have this fetish, but everyone should do what they want as long as they don't disturb someone else. He added that the chastity cage would not disturb anyone. I asked what his friends would be thinking about it. He said they would not care at all and the worst thing that could happen is that they make a joke about it. I must admit, that feels very exciting that they know that I like wearing cages. I actually hope they make a joke about it some day. For some reason I generally like when the other person knows that I cannot masturbate. Is that weird? I don't find it arousing, just exciting.
                            We then talked about what would be sexually inappropriate and he (as a future lawyer) said that everything is ok as long as it does not harass anyone or violates the local criminal law.
                            I was very thankful that we had this conversation. Now I know I do not have to be afraid of what others may think about my chastity cage. Most don't even care. Even if I were exposed some time by accident, it appears that it would not be a big issue.

                              markules Dang, I feel you are just scattering chastity devices all over town. First your friend finds one, then you mention your sister's boyfriend found one long ago. I did not expect you to have been having devices lying around so long ago when you are still getting used to wearing one.

                              If he told his friends before he knew whose it was, did he inform them later that it was yours? If not, I do not exactly understand why you would expect them to joke about you in particular.

                              As for wearing overnight, I found that to be a surprisingly easy part, I had expected more trouble with that. I find hygiene while going out to be the bigger worry (not planning to use incontinene products if I can help it).

                              markules For some reason I generally like when the other person knows that I cannot masturbate. Is that weird? I don't find it arousing, just exciting.

                              The line between arousal and excitement can be a fine one. I wonder how you would describe it. Pride or humiliation, there are people who like either.

                                  youdontknowme I feel like this is taking chastity a bit too far.

                                  Lol. I guess the same would be said for chastity-belts in general by many. It's an interesting point of course. I read that the "virtue" of chastity is sometimes supposed to counter the "sin" of lust, yet there comes a point where being too scrupulous becomes itself a "sin", namely that of being too prudish. Since what religions call "sin" I call a warning, consider me well-warned. Yeah, I am happy to avoid masturbation, but no, I do not want to fall too far the other way.

                                      Jonas Oh I am not saying that it is non-virtuous or anything, I just feel like if your loving partner is getting you to the edge without any direct stimulation, that sounds like a very good thing to me.

                                          youdontknowme Oh I am not saying that it is non-virtuous or anything, I just feel like if your loving partner is getting you to the edge without any direct stimulation, that sounds like a very good thing to me.

                                          Ah, I see. Yes of course, as I say, I am very fortunate. Even without orgasm and direct stimulation, I don't feel like I am missing out sexually, even in chastity. If anything it brings us together, if I can't take matters into my own hands I am drawn to her.

                                              Jonas That reminds me somewhat of the practice of Karezza, which has been recommended in some NoFap communities for participants with a partner. It is not 100% the same since Karezza traditionally involves penetration, but the idea is to be intimate with your partner while in a state of unrelieved arousal, which apparently is supposed to help a couple bond.

                                                3 months later