Avery want to wear the smallest bikini I can get to stay on me. That's what I want, that's what the girls I hang with do.

Okay then it is good for you to wear that as long as it is what You want yourself and not your others. Thank you for telling me!

Avery This article says the manufacturers of anti-rape underwear are contributing to a blame the victim mentality.

I heard those people were a scam, it definitely doesn't look comfortable to me I think I would sweat and have quite a smell after a day in such tight yoga pants.
It feels like a LOT of people blame victims because they are lazy and it's just easier for them to imagine someone else at 'fault'

        Megan It feels like a LOT of people blame victims because they are lazy and it's just easier for them to imagine someone else at 'fault'

        I got some negative feedback when I started wearing my belt after being assaulted. Two people said the rapists were "winning" and I shouldn't be changing the way I live because of them. Of course most of the girls I know avoid walking certain places, especially at night, so wearing a belt seems just a matter of degree.

        • carg replied to this.

            Avery Two people said the rapists were "winning" and I shouldn't be changing the way I live because of them.

            I don't really understand that argument: what exactly would rapists gain from this, if they are 'winning'??
            Yes, it would be ideal if you could prevent them from raping you, instead of needing to take action yourself, but as always if you have a problem, the only thing you can change is how you deal with it. You have taken a precaution that prevents it, and makes you feel safer, at no more than moderate discomfort for yourself I would judge (since you only wear it when needed).

                carg I don't really understand that argument: what exactly would rapists gain from this, if they are 'winning'??
                Yes, it would be ideal if you could prevent them from raping you, instead of needing to take action yourself, but as always if you have a problem, the only thing you can change is how you deal with it. You have taken a precaution that prevents it, and makes you feel safer, at no more than moderate discomfort for yourself I would judge (since you only wear it when needed).

                I agree with everything you said. I think this is kind of a feminist argument, that by my changing my lifestyle because of the actions of men I am capitulating to the patriarchy, whereas one should stand their ground, wear whatever you want, go where ever you want when you want, get drunk at a party if you want, else men continue to make the rules and females continue to be subservient. A similar argument might be that by locking your door at night you are ceding power to criminals. They are pulling your strings.

                    Avery I think this is kind of a feminist argument, that by my changing my lifestyle because of the actions of men I am capitulating to the patriarchy,

                    i agree with you that this is nonsense, in your case the belt has given you many freedoms that other victims of such an attack no longer have. i don't wish anyone ill but these radical feminists should first get to know your situation before they judge. and no, the rapists didn't win, you did.

                        Angelina i agree with you that this is nonsense, in your case the belt has given you many freedoms that other victims of such an attack no longer have. i don't wish anyone ill but these radical feminists should first get to know your situation before they judge. and no, the rapists didn't win, you did.

                        Thank you.

                          Avery That is an ideological, but totally impractical view. I'd also call it egocentric: I do what I want, and the rest of the world needs to adapt to me.
                          (Note that I am against any discrimination of women, both negative and positive. I think there is still more negative discrimination, and inequality, so I understand that women still need to fight for their rights, but this feminist argument goes too far. But on the other hand, if a woman wants equality, I also expect her to hold the door open for me just as often as I do for her ;-) )

                              carg But on the other hand, if a woman wants equality, I also expect her to hold the door open for me just as often as I do for her ;-) )

                              How about forget the whole door thing - like if a guy is behind you and you wouldn't hold the door then don't hold it just because I'm a girl. If I'm at the back of a lift and you're in front just bloody get off don't make me walk past first

                                  Jen How about forget the whole door thing

                                  I think man and woman have the same values and by nature no gender is above the other, but we are not equal.

                                  And even equal rights are not always something that I truly want. The best example: Man between 18 and 60 are currently not allowed to leave Ukraine but have to fight. If I would be a woman from Ukraine, I would be very happy about the inequality. But of course in other aspects it's definitely the opposite around, like the gender pay gap. I just wanted to say that it's not as black and white as it looks like.

                                  I also think because of this general mindset that man and woman should have the same everything, woman who WANT to be housewifes and focus on family and everything get many bad looks like they do something wrong. I think nowadays it's maybe even easier for a German man to say that he quit his job for good to take care of the household and the family then it is for the wife.

                                      Jen If I'm at the back of a lift and you're in front just bloody get off don't make me walk past first

                                      Right, that really IS stupid.

                                        carg

                                        feminism should mean equality. it should be about women having the same rights (but also duties) as men. anyone who achieves feminism only by making men smaller instead of women bigger is not a feminist but an idiot.

                                        Jen How about forget the whole door thing - like if a guy is behind you and you wouldn't hold the door then don't hold it just because I'm a girl. If I'm at the back of a lift and you're in front just bloody get off don't make me walk past first

                                        so i still feel flattered when a man holds the door open for me, but not so much because of women and men rolling but because i consider it very elegant. 🙂

                                            Sara2001 If I would be a woman from Ukraine, I would be very happy about the inequality.

                                            Fortunately for them not every woman over there is like you.

                                                Jen How about forget the whole door thing

                                                I hold the door open for women, men and children. For me, it's just polite to do it. Of course, I also think about it and don't stand in the way when I do it. There's no point in that.

                                                    Avery Fortunately for them not every woman over there is like you.

                                                    I talk about not having a choice. Man don't have a choice they have to fight. Woman can choose to fight and this is a good thing and I don't want to blame this woman. If it would be equal to man, it wouldn't matter what they think, they would have to fight, too. No matter if they want or not. That's my point, not that woman should not fight.

                                                        Sara2001 I talk about not having a choice.

                                                        That is, if I understand you correctly, it would be more equal if everyone had the freedom to decide for themselves.

                                                            Joh yes everyone or no one. Of course preferably everyone. But equal means equal.

                                                            • Joh replied to this.

                                                                Joh I hold the door open for women, men and children. For me, it's just polite to do it. Of course, I also think about it and don't stand in the way when I do it. There's no point in that.

                                                                right, actually you should do that for everyone 🙂

                                                                Sara2001 Man don't have a choice they have to fight.

                                                                which is a violation of the human right. Strasbourg will have to deal with this as well as with Putin. I have respect for every man and woman who fights for Ukraine, but no one can be forced to stay in a war zone.

                                                                      Angelina which is a violation of the human right. Strasbourg will have to deal with this as well as with Putin. I have respect for every man and woman who fights for Ukraine, but no one can be forced to stay in a war zone.

                                                                      It is a difficult question if the government has the right or not. As far as I see they have the right to enforce it for people of their country.

                                                                          Angelina which is a violation of the human right

                                                                          I think legally it's not a violation for a nation under attac. All these human rights are very old and normally include war situations.

                                                                          Angelina Strasbourg will have to deal with this as well as with Putin.

                                                                          Why Strasbourg, if there are violations of human rights, it should be Den Haag. But at least for now, I think what the Ukrainian government is doing is in line with the human rights.

                                                                          Angelina I have respect for every man and woman who fights for Ukraine, but no one can be forced to stay in a war zone

                                                                          I feel the same, but I think the legal situation is different from what we feel is correct.

                                                                          Joh It is a difficult question if the government has the right or not. As far as I see they have the right to enforce it for people of their country.

                                                                          Yes, I think being attract by another country is one of the very few situations where this is legal.