@Jen, you know that although your philosophy and your use of the belt are very different from mine, I have always respected you and respect you.
If I have understood you correctly throughout these years, at night your mother kept the key. I even asked you about it a few months ago.
I suppose that today you woke up, you had certain needs and when you went to ask your mother for the key, she was reluctant to give it to you. It is right?
Do not blame yourself, what has happened to you is absolutely normal and similar things have happened to all of us, in the past I was very critical of your mother, but today she acted as any keyholder would have done.
I think these conflicts are normal, do not blame yourself.