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  • Other people want me to wear a chastity belt

Carlos I have had a few messages over the day saying we can work on this and get something in place that works for both of us. I responded back i do not want to talk about it now you can discuss it with me when i am home.

That's a good start, for both of you.

Here's some advice you didn't ask for, because I'm meddlesome and I can't help it. If you follow it, I hope it helps.

Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything until it's off. As long as you're wearing it, she is violating your consent and you are not speaking to her as an equal, which is what you both need right now.

Once it's off, try to remain calm and supportive and pretend you're comforting a drunk girl who doesn't know what she's saying. You're taking away her security blanket and she's bound to drop some heavy stuff on you, and maybe even say some hurtful things. Try to be strong for her and avoid reacting too emotionally.

Don't make any new agreements tonight. Neither of you will be in your right mind.

If you ever do agree to wear a belt again (and I'm not sure that you should), insist on having a safe word and an emergency key.

Good luck, and however it turns out try to be kind to both her and yourself.

      Carlos
      Yes the talk will be difficult but I see it is the only way to find a solution.

      A relation ship needs trust and understanding of the other. If your GF has a problem with trust because the former bf cheated on her she needs professional help to overcome this otherwise she will never be able to have working relationship.
      Both of you should express what you need to be happy. You don't want to wear all the time a CB. You offered a compromise to wear it when you go out on your own which is a big offer to do so.
      She want to be sure you will not cheat. First she should be sure you really want to be with her. And she should do everything what is in her power to give you no reason to search by another women what you miss in your relation.
      I can only agree with Angelina's statement. It can only work if you talk openly and honestly with each other. It's best if it's once a week, especially now, so that you can discuss the issues and sensitivities at hand. For the conversation, you should stick to rules, such as instead of making accusations, rather tell the other person how you feel in certain situations or what you miss. Yelling at each other is also to be avoided. And if something is unclear, everyone should have the opportunity to ask until it is understood.
      It is also good to ask the other person what he or she has understood when you have explained something in order to understand what has been received.

        Carlos It's good you're still talking.
        Something reading others' posts here has made me realize is that it seems like your GF might have more going on than just her feeling of being cheated on again. Not saying that isn't the root of her problems, but her behavior doesn't make sense if that is the only thing. Some of what she is doing only really makes sense if what she wants is control. Maybe that's just a security blanket for her anxiety, maybe it's something she wants for its own sake (even if only subconsciously). Either way, it is a recipe for a very toxic relationship if it isn't carefully handled.
        In your case, it would be particularly troubling because she seems to have stepped right into the role your parents previously filled in your life and that kind of looks like she took advantage of someone in a vulnerable position. I don't know your exact circumstances so I could be way off but I worry.

            MissBlossom Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything

            @Carlos, this is very very good advice.

              MissBlossom Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything until it's off. As long as you're wearing it, she is violating your consent and you are not speaking to her as an equal, which is what you both need right now.

              a good idea, as long as he still wears the belt, she still has the power position and so no equal conversation is possible

              @Carlos
              i'm still bothered by the reason you wear the belt. sorry, but you two are in a relationship and in a relationship you have to trust each other. it can't be a good reason that you have to wear the belt because she doesn't trust you not to cheat on her.
              I would not only discuss the belt with her, but also clarify in general whether she trusts you.
              I hope your conversation went well, I look forward to an update. 🙂

                  once upon a time i was married. The wife accused me of cheating (i didn't) so out the door i went. Now i'm in another relationship and i gladly stay locked mostly for her security. If chastity can remove the doubts of infidelity for my partner i see it as an insurance policy. Chastity = no doubts and no arguements well worth the inconvienience and frustration for me.

                  Update

                  Well a bit of good news for once. I am mostly free of the belt / cage but not entirely

                  Yesterday my partner came home from work about 90min later that expected i think she was trying to avoid the elevatable conversation. That really annoyed me so as soon as she got home i left the house for and hour just to have a walk and get my head together. By the time i got back she knew i was not kidding and had my keys waiting for me. I took off the cage kept the keys to it. I then said once I have something to eat we can talk about it.

                  So a little time passes while i make myself something to eat and she is trying to make pleasant talk and i am mostly ignoring her. But eventually we end up talking and i laid out bare that detest being locked up and her suggested compromises were not compromises at all and i am not going to live my life like this.

                  I said If you want to end the relationship because of this i am more than happy and will understand. She said that she does not want to end the relationship but she still has some anxiety about her been cheated on again. I replied that i understand that you have problems trusting me because of what happened to you in her previous relationships but i am not them. I am not going to be sleeping in the belt, I am not going to be in the belt if she is working a night shift. If i want to play with myself i will. I am not going to lock myself up before i leave the house before going wo work. The only time i will ever put the belt on is if i am going on a night out with my friends and you are not there.

                  She then came out with some times you go out for a few drinks after work. Are you going to come home to put on your belt and head back out. I replied no i will not be doing that. Then i said that i would keep my cage in my bag along with a numbered key tag. If i do go out after work i will put the cage on and send you a photo of it.

                  I could see she was getting anxious at the thought of what i was willing to do but i stuck to my stance and did not compromise any more than i was willing to. She then spent the rest of the evening thinking of scenarios when she would want be back in the belt but i shot them all down. We were up quite late but i got everything off my chest and we both still want to have a relationship.

                  Last night i went to bed unbelted and fell asleep pretty quickly. In the morning i woke up had a shower and by the time i got out an dried myself my partner had my belt waiting for me. She said are you sure you are not going to put this on. It would make her feel happier if i did. I stood firm and said not a chance and left for work. I got a few texts over the day asking how i am and where i was but i half expected that. At the end of the day i was invited out for drinks this evening but i declined as i knew she would be worrying and i could not be bothered about dealing with that so just came home as normal.

                  I have been sitting at home for the last few hours now and no mention of the belt has been said. Saying that i am pretty sure i caught her smelling my work clothes. Like it was very strange when she insisted that i get them off as she needs to put a load of washing on.

                  Lets see what the next few day / weeks bring.

                    Carlos
                    Congratulations on setting your own limits and standing up for yourself.

                    It's great to hear that she still wants to be with you, and that she is learning to respect your limits.

                    Carlos Saying that i am pretty sure i caught her smelling my work clothes. Like it was very strange when she insisted that i get them off as she needs to put a load of washing on.

                    What is she smelling for? I don't get it?

                          MissBlossom Hi MissBlossom

                          Yea i am in a much happier place i am pretty much free of the belt now and i do not intend that change.

                          I am not sure what she was doing when i caught her smelling my clothes. At first i though she was judging how bad they were to change the amount of washing powder to put in but it was so strange it made me think again. Like why would you do that.

                              Carlos
                              Well, when in doubt, assume something good!

                              Maybe she was just enjoying how you smell and thinking about how much she loves you, how much she would miss you, and how strong and sexy you are when you stand up for yourself!

                                  MissBlossom

                                  Well lets hope so.

                                  She does seem in a funny mood this evening she is being a lot quieter than i expected and she came home with a few bottles of wine and gin and tonics.

                                  You know when you just get something is up but you can not tell what. I have been getting that feeling all evening.

                                    Carlos Glad to hear it went well. It sounds like she was willing to listen.
                                    Based on your descriptions of her behavior the next day, it sounds like she is having a hard time but not reaching as badly as could be feared. It's probably a good idea to go out of your way to reassure her in the next few days. Long term, she probably needs help dealing with what happened in her last relationship, her behavior would seem to indicate she still isn't able to deal with it in a healthy way.

                                        pestulens Well willing to listen vs has to listen i am not so sure.

                                        I know i am going to have to support her the next few days. I know she is going to come up with every excuse possible to get me back in. I just hope she can learn to deal with her past.

                                            Carlos I am not sure what she was doing when i caught her smelling my clothes.

                                            Unfortunately looking for evidence, lipstick, perfume, hairs, etc.

                                            I’m happy to hear the talk went well, but I should repeat what the others have said already. Stand by your limits, and be clear they are hard limits, no negotiation. I’d also suggest changing computer and phone passwords. That’s yours, not hers to be going through.

                                            I’m happy to hear this talk went well, and you are a good man to stand by her. Just be there and be supportive but do not budge on those limits.

                                                Carlos smelling for perfume and the scent of a woman

                                                  Carlos i laid out bare that detest being locked up and her suggested compromises were not compromises at all and i am not going to live my life like this.

                                                  Good job. Well done. Don't ever discuss it again, don't weaken, destroy the devices.

                                                  I personally wouldn't tolerate a relationship where I wasn't trusted.

                                                    Carlos

                                                    that sounds good, it's nice that your relationship still exists. i also see that your girlfriend is now taking the first steps to really trust you, it's not yet at 100% but i think that can be the first step on a good path. 🙂

                                                    Sasha Unfortunately looking for evidence, lipstick, perfume, hairs, etc.

                                                    I think so too @Carlos don't give her a reason to get suspicious anytime soon, then you will still be free to continue your relationship anyway. 😉