Other people want me to wear a chastity belt

pestulens

Carlos I have to agree with what others have said. There are a lot of red flags that point to a potential abusive relationship hear.

One thing that could be worth asking though. Is she in therapy or doing anything to help her work on her trust issues? If the current situation is something you can do temporarily while she deals with her issues that would be one thing. A permanent one would be very different.

Jonas

MissBlossom Well said.

Kaja

Carlos Stay on your version. She has no right to want it.

What you write there looks like that her mind is ill.

Kaja

MissBlossom 100 % true

Jonas

Carlos Well that went as well as i was expecting.

Aw, sorry to read this. Was hoping for a speedy end to the madness on this one!!

She did suggest that she would be willing to compromise more in the evening and let me
out when we are home. But i am no longer to wear the cage i have to wear the belt from
now on.

When i go to work or go out of the house the belt goes back on.

Since she gets up before me to go to her work the belt goes on just before we go to bed.
Also if she is doing a night shift the belt goes on before she leaves for work.

She also said that we are not going to be playing every night and if i start to
masturbate in the evening when i am free the belt has to go back on.

I know i was really hoping that i would get unlocked this evening but she said that
there is too many emotions going on for me to get out and thought it would be unwise.

She said she feels the belt is way more secure than the cage and that is something she would need.

You try to stand up for yourself, but end up in a higher security full on chastity belt!!

I would say you were now in a worse situation than you were previously.

Carlos, listen, I personally need a chastity belt because without it I'm a flaky chronic masturbator with low self-esteem. I need a secure chastity belt because, locked inside it, I am loving, happy, productive, tough, and filled with energy, drive and passion for life. I need a chastity belt. I don't think you need one. You sound like you need a new gf.

So i am feeling she is prepared to compromise a little but i have to compromise to wearing the belt again.

Is she compromising ....or are you just locked up tighter? 😉 Seriously; compromise is about maintaining equality and a level playing field between people. This is not the situation here. You're trying to rebalance scales that have been tipped well out of your favour!! You do not add weights to both sides to achieve this!!!

I did say ultimately things would have to change otherwise i will need her to move out as i can keep doing what we have been doing.

Needing to be happy is a small ask. Wanting to maintain a level of distrust in someone to the extent that they have to wear a chastity belt for you, is a big ask. This is, I am sorry to say, a relationship-level event and will heavily impact on your life either way.

I am still a little unsure how i feel right now so i guess i will have to see how the next few days play out.

I love chastity, but in your situation I would remove the device, stamp on it, and refuse to discuss chastity again. If distrust really is her issue (as opposed to control, which is more likely) I would lovingly direct her to therapy.

But it's your life mate.

Ines

Very interesting discussion, but this is the introduction topic.

Jonas

Ines Sorry! 😅 Can all the posts be moved over into their own thread please @Ines?
Eg: "Other people want me to wear a chastity belt".

Joh

Jonas @Ines I Support it and wait until it is done to Post my comment.

Kaja

Carlos She is ill. She needs psychytric therapy. Sorry but I have to say it.

Andrew

Carlos She said this is something that she needs in the relationship to give her piece of mind.

I don't see any reason for you to conform to her obsessions, because that's what you have to call it. I could understand it if she caught you cheating, but not if she's only doing it preemptively.

Kaja She needs psychytric therapy.

Exactly.

Carlos

Hi looks like i sparked a bit of a discussion with my last post in the introductions.

I seen a suggestion in there from Jonas to start a new post. Tho i do not know hot to transfer posting from people.

I really wish i read what folk on here had to say before i spoke to my partner this morning.

I had a pretty restless nights sleep thinking about what went down last night my mind just wold not stop thinking about it. So this morning i talked to my partner again and said that i am really not happy at the proposed changes. They seemed to be way worse to me, the thought of having to wear the belt more is not appealing to me at all. I said to her you might want to start looking for a new place to live as i am unwilling to accept this. The cage is coming off this evening either with the key or i am cutting it off. I left it like that and headed out to work.

I have had a few messages over the day saying we can work on this and get something in place that works for both of us. I responded back i do not want to talk about it now you can discuss it with me when i am home.

So not really looking forward to this evening i think it is going to be a difficult one.

Angelina

Carlos So not really looking forward to this evening i think it is going to be a difficult one.

shit, now i read that a few minutes after my post in introduction.
if you're reading this, it still applies
I'll try to copy that briefly, because only the moderators can move it

From Introduction
"I don't really want to be the 100th person to write this and maybe we can move the post (@Ines please), but I think it's important to say one thing very clearly.
From my point of view, the most important point in a relationship is trust and it is exactly this trust that your girlfriend does not give you. I don't want to advise you to end or continue the relationship, that's your decision, but a relationship doesn't work without trust. you should only wear the belt for her if you want to do that for her, it's your body!"

Edit:
Of course, I wish you the best and much success in what will probably not be an easy conversation at the eavening today 🙂

Laura

Carlos Tho i do not know hot to transfer posting from people

Done

MissBlossom

Carlos I have had a few messages over the day saying we can work on this and get something in place that works for both of us. I responded back i do not want to talk about it now you can discuss it with me when i am home.

That's a good start, for both of you.

Here's some advice you didn't ask for, because I'm meddlesome and I can't help it. If you follow it, I hope it helps.

Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything until it's off. As long as you're wearing it, she is violating your consent and you are not speaking to her as an equal, which is what you both need right now.

Once it's off, try to remain calm and supportive and pretend you're comforting a drunk girl who doesn't know what she's saying. You're taking away her security blanket and she's bound to drop some heavy stuff on you, and maybe even say some hurtful things. Try to be strong for her and avoid reacting too emotionally.

Don't make any new agreements tonight. Neither of you will be in your right mind.

If you ever do agree to wear a belt again (and I'm not sure that you should), insist on having a safe word and an emergency key.

Good luck, and however it turns out try to be kind to both her and yourself.

Joh

Carlos
Yes the talk will be difficult but I see it is the only way to find a solution.

A relation ship needs trust and understanding of the other. If your GF has a problem with trust because the former bf cheated on her she needs professional help to overcome this otherwise she will never be able to have working relationship.
Both of you should express what you need to be happy. You don't want to wear all the time a CB. You offered a compromise to wear it when you go out on your own which is a big offer to do so.
She want to be sure you will not cheat. First she should be sure you really want to be with her. And she should do everything what is in her power to give you no reason to search by another women what you miss in your relation.
I can only agree with Angelina's statement. It can only work if you talk openly and honestly with each other. It's best if it's once a week, especially now, so that you can discuss the issues and sensitivities at hand. For the conversation, you should stick to rules, such as instead of making accusations, rather tell the other person how you feel in certain situations or what you miss. Yelling at each other is also to be avoided. And if something is unclear, everyone should have the opportunity to ask until it is understood.
It is also good to ask the other person what he or she has understood when you have explained something in order to understand what has been received.

Renita

What does "other people" mean?

Angelina

@Carlos

I don't really want to be the 100th person to write this and maybe we can move the post (@Ines please), but I think it's important to say one thing very clearly.
From my point of view, the most important point in a relationship is trust and it is exactly this trust that your girlfriend does not give you. I don't want to advise you to end or continue the relationship, that's your decision, but a relationship doesn't work without trust. you should only wear the belt for her if you want to do that for her, it's your body!

Jonas

MissBlossom Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything

@Carlos, this is very very good advice.

Angelina

MissBlossom Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything until it's off. As long as you're wearing it, she is violating your consent and you are not speaking to her as an equal, which is what you both need right now.

a good idea, as long as he still wears the belt, she still has the power position and so no equal conversation is possible

@Carlos
i'm still bothered by the reason you wear the belt. sorry, but you two are in a relationship and in a relationship you have to trust each other. it can't be a good reason that you have to wear the belt because she doesn't trust you not to cheat on her.
I would not only discuss the belt with her, but also clarify in general whether she trusts you.
I hope your conversation went well, I look forward to an update. 🙂

pestulens

Carlos It's good you're still talking.
Something reading others' posts here has made me realize is that it seems like your GF might have more going on than just her feeling of being cheated on again. Not saying that isn't the root of her problems, but her behavior doesn't make sense if that is the only thing. Some of what she is doing only really makes sense if what she wants is control. Maybe that's just a security blanket for her anxiety, maybe it's something she wants for its own sake (even if only subconsciously). Either way, it is a recipe for a very toxic relationship if it isn't carefully handled.
In your case, it would be particularly troubling because she seems to have stepped right into the role your parents previously filled in your life and that kind of looks like she took advantage of someone in a vulnerable position. I don't know your exact circumstances so I could be way off but I worry.

Jonas

pestulens Agree, strongly.