Advice for potential new Keyholders

Susan

Sasha Thank you I will do what I can. I won't sugar coat it, it is hard and I think it will be extra difficult for her too.

Susan

Laura That is not up to me. I doubt her mother would agree to that.

Laura

Susan I doubt her mother would agree to that.

But it's less stressful to start with. Prevent sex only, and self-pleasure later on

Susan

Laura I agree with you, It may be easier for Jane to accept the belt if there was not secondary shield. There are times I wish AJ would remove the secondary shield but that is a no go for her.

Angelina

Laura But it's less stressful to start with. Prevent sex only, and self-pleasure later on

if masturbation must be prevented at all. i think it would be easier for jane if the belt (if she decides to use it) is only used to prevent uncontrolled sex, i don't see it being a problem if jane masturbates

Jonas I'm surprised that other people here haven't suggested therapy

I don't know the girl and I'm not sure if it's an addiction or just bad behavior. if it's really an addiction, she should of course go to therapy, then the belt won't help

I still think the following questions are important

does Jane see that she has a problem?
would wearing a chastity belt help with the problem?
would jane do it voluntarily if she realized it would help her?

It depends on Jane's point of view and of course her mother shouldn't force her. I think Jane is at a point like @Sasha was a few years ago, asking what she can and wants to do now

Susan

Jonas The danger here is that the chastity belt is seen (by either party) as a punishment. That's a recipe for disaster. When you met Jane how positive were you about the belt? For example; do you think it could help her?

I am certain she will see at as a punishment, just like yanking her out of her school was one too. When I first started wearing mine AJ was careful not to frame it as a punishment, but as an aide to making sure I did the right thing. At the beginning though I felt it was a punishment because she caught me touching myself, so it felt like a punishment. It wasn't until i started dating my BF that it became an "aide", as she reminds me when we are together 😀

Jonas A chastity belt is supposed to frustrate. That's it working. That's the bit where we learn to master our sexual feelings rather than be ruled by them.

It certainly does that!

Jonas

Susan At the beginning though I felt it was a punishment because she caught me touching myself, so it felt like a punishment.

I can understand you feeling this, especially if you'd been told to not to do it, however, I think most keyholders here really are focused on the single aim: to prevent sex and masturbation. The belt really is just a means to achieve this. It's not a punishment. It really is an aide to make sure wearers do the right thing.

I think the more you understand this and the reasons your aunt is so against masturbation, the more you'll be able to help Jane... when she contacts you.

Likewise, it would be great if @Jenna had the chance to speak to Monica again, to underline again that her treating the belt as a punishment won't be helpful. The belt is a solution, not a retribution!!

It wasn't until i started dating my BF that it became an "aide", as she reminds me when we are together 😀

Jonas A chastity belt is supposed to frustrate. That's it working. That's the bit where we learn to master our sexual feelings rather than be ruled by them.

It certainly does that!

Yup. It sure does.

Jenna

Jonas I think the more you understand this and the reasons your aunt is so against masturbation, the more you'll be able to help Jane... when she contacts you.

Likewise, it would be great if @Jenna had the chance to speak to Monica again, to underline again that her treating the belt as a punishment won't be helpful. The belt is a solution, not a retribution!!

Good point Jonas. Monica was upset and angry and has been for some time now because of Jane. I think almost anything she does will feel like a punishment, especially something like this. Nevertheless your point is well taken. I am sure we will talk again. Jane and Susan hit it off so they will likely speak. Monica is also nice, and I feel her anguish. I think it is better for her to make the first move should she want additional advice.

Jenna

Jonas I am always happy to hear from you Jonas 😀

Jenna

Laura She was not, we spoke about it on the way there. I would not ask her to do that if she was not comfortable.

youdontknowme

Jenna I think almost anything she does will feel like a punishment, especially something like this.

I feel like framing matters here. Framing the belt as a device to "curb bad behavior" seems like a surefire way to make her feel like a criminal for her past actions, and criminals get sent to jail where life is hard and unpleasant.

What the belt should be presented as is an opportunity to prevent further missteps, turn her life around and control her sex drive such that it does not control her. That she still has a chance to free herself of self-destructive srxual habits before they land her in legal or medical trouble.

"You have been bad and I will fix you" is not going to get a troubled person's consent. With something like "use the chance you still have" and "I'm here for you if you need me", there is at least a chance.

Of course, there is no guarantee that she will agree, and Monica needs to accept that no means no. It would be great if you made sure Monica understands and respects that. But there seems to be merit in getting Jane to accept the control.

Maybe she should have more talk with your nieces. She needs equals to talk to, not people she might see as oppressors. @Susan, it might be suitable to bring up a summary of @Sasha's experiences - how sexual carelessness had almost messed up hervlife in a big way, and she has since come to value the opportunity chastity has given her.

Jonas

Jenna Good point Jonas. Monica was upset and angry and has been for some time now because of Jane. I think almost anything she does will feel like a punishment, especially something like this. Nevertheless your point is well taken. I am sure we will talk again. Jane and Susan hit it off so they will likely speak. Monica is also nice, and I feel her anguish. I think it is better for her to make the first move should she want additional advice.

Whatever happens the anger needs to be put to one side. Decisions need to be made with a cool head. Currently it looks like you are the coolest head present so I really do hope you have further communication with Monica.

If neither party can move pass the idea of punishment, then a different sanction should be agreed upon. It doesn't matter what so long as all the bad vibes are funnelled into it instead. The belt should be protected as A good thing™.

Ines The belt is only going to do its job in this case the moment she realizes her behavior, -if it is bad for her scale of values-, and asks for the belt herself.

I think @Ines is exactly right here. The best thing is to firmly present the belt as solution, explain honestly what it can achieve and honestly what discomfort it entails and then back away. The choice has to entirely come from Jane.

youdontknowme What the belt should be presented as is an opportunity to prevent further missteps, turn her life around and control her sex drive such that it does not control her. That she still has a chance to free herself of self-destructive srxual habits before they land her in legal or medical trouble.

Exactly this.

Kaja Let her go free.

The trouble here is that all behaviour has consequences. In many cases they are unavoidable. We are not free.

Sleeping around is risky behaviour. There is no avoiding this. Social consequences can seem oppressive, but often they are ways to apply the brakes to an individual's behaviour before it becomes totally destructive to them. This is kind.

If Jane has advocates for chastity, in fairness she should have an advocate for freedom. The trouble is that no-one can really say anything to support her behaviour. It's too extreme, especially when even Jane herself feels remorse.

Jenna . Jane and Susan hit it off so they will likely speak.

I haven't really asked @Susan how she feels about helping. She doesn't have to.

I thought that showing her belt was a huge contribution. I guess it would have made the situation scarily real for Jane, but also reassured her that belt wearing is possible. Either way Susan's honesty will help Jane make the best decision she can.

Jenna Monica is also nice, and I feel her anguish.

As I think the lady in the shop said to you; masturbation is a nasty little habit. For some people self-gratification can develop into a life harming problem. I know this to be true 😔. I feel the anguish.

Thankfully, I also know that chastity belts work and can help! 😄

Kaja

Please stop with this. Let her go free. Or you, everybody, want to be part of her rapist? Yuck!

Jonas

Kaja Freedom without limit harmed important bits of my life. It would be neglectful not to offer help. Whether Jane accepts this help is up to her.

Sasha

youdontknowme it might be suitable to bring up a summary of @Sasha's experiences - how sexual carelessness had almost messed up hervlife in a big way, and she has since come to value the opportunity chastity has given her.

I wouldn’t mind at all if @Susan used me as an example of what a real monster is, where Jane’s headed and how it almost destroyed my life.
I’ve never really opened up about this before I joined, but maybe the dead Sasha can finally do some good in this world.
My chastity belt was my reset button, which is almost nonexistent in this world

Ines

My opinion: it will not work, or it will be very difficult to make it work. The intention is noble, but a chastity belt, although it has its mystique, is not magic.
That girl is an addict, not to use coarser words, although with my concept of the world I can assure you that I find her attitude disgusting, and the belt does not work in these situations. It is not the belt that creates good behaviors, it is the other way around, girls who believe in a certain way of behaving, we wear the belt.
She does not even want to wear the belt so either she changes her mentality or as much as she is ashamed of what she is doing she is going to reject the belt because the weakness has eaten her up inside. The belt is only going to do its job in this case the moment she realizes her behavior, -if it is bad for her scale of values-, and asks for the belt herself.

youdontknowme

Ines definitely a point. I did not even want to entertain the thought that involuntary wear might be considered a solution, but there is definitely a risk that Monica is considering it. And I mean, if Monica can manage to enforce that the belt is worn whenever Jane leaves the home, which I would expect to require its own abuses if Jane is non-cooperative, it ought to function well enough to prevent her from having sex with random strangers. But wearing a belt she resents will not help her turn her life around, plus she will probably be trying to get the belt off herself without permission. So it would not only be immoral and likely illegal, but also ineffective in at least some ways.

Kaja

Jonas This is not help.
Everytime it is in had. Cb is NOT solution. It only be worse. Do you want to ad some mental trauma to her?

Jonas

Kaja Cb is NOT solution. It only be worse.

It was a solution for me and for others here.

Do you want to ad some mental trauma to her?

Of course not.

Andrew

Kaja This is not help.
Everytime it is in had. Cb is NOT solution. It only be worse.

Exactly. Only Monica's sexual violence will add to Jane's vicious behavior.

Joh

Kaja It depended on her view point.
If she sees her behavior as wrong and want to Change the CB is only a tool.

Andrew

Jonas It was a solution for me and for others here.

But you started wearing the belt voluntarily, right? According to @Susan, Jane simply doesn't want to wear the belt and sees no benefit in wearing it. Of course, some advantages can be presented to her, but they will always be highly debatable. In general, everyone should decide for themselves about their own body and whether they want to wear a belt or not. Unfortunately, I'm afraid that Monica will try to force her daughter to do it. @Jenna and @Susan should discourage her from doing this.

KarimM

Andrew Force sucks.

Jonas

Andrew But you started wearing the belt voluntarily, right? According to @Susan, Jane simply doesn't want to wear the belt and sees no benefit in wearing it.

Jane has apparently expressed both doubts about the belt and remorse for her actions, but hasn't made this decision yet.

It's actually the decision that's the crucial step for her. The decision to change is far more important than any chastity belt.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid that Monica will try to force her daughter to do it. @Jenna and @Susan should discourage her from doing this.

I share your concern. The belt should not be punishment. It cannot be imposed. As always on the forum, forced usage should be reported to the authorities.

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