Purity ring

Avery Another aspect that troubles me about talking to Dad is that if I were to introduce the topic to him when I was 15 it would play as "this is how I'm going to start out in life". If I introduce it at 20, which I am now, it might emphasize that I have not been conducting myself in this fashion. and I don't think I want to draw any attention to that.

From what I have read about you, you are actually an open person and have no problem showing your assets. Your father knows that and has it in mind that you do not dress too revealing. I think he will also have noticed that you have had sexual experience with men. In addition, your rape, which you have processed so far well and now wear for your own protection from time to time the CB.
The CB is directly linked to chastity and so it is not unusual or strange when you deal with it. Why don't you talk to your father about this issue, how it was and was seen in the past and how it is today. Thereby you can exchange yourself freely with him without first going into whether you want to do that or not. You have also had some discussions about this topic before you came to the decision and so you can also do it with him. In the conversation or a later you can deepen this whether it would be what for you. I think if you want to know his opinion he will be happy to help you without getting suspicious that you actually want something else.
By the way. As far as I remember you write about your siblings and father. Is there also a mother with whom you can talk?

Joh From what I have read about you, you are actually an open person and have no problem showing your assets. Your father knows that and has it in mind that you do not dress too revealing.

He has very specific things in mind, going out in shirts cut too low in front and bikinis that show too much (like more than 1/2) of your bum, though my youngest sister gets away with thong undies in the house.

Joh I think he will also have noticed that you have had sexual experience with men.

Hmmm. Well, he knows I've had boyfriends. He's probably realistic about the possibility of sexual contact. When we do talk about it it is referred to as "fooling around", no specifics are mentioned.

Joh You have also had some discussions about this topic before you came to the decision and so you can also do it with him.

Here, I think, is where it gets complicated. We did talk about the belt and they bought me one of my own. But this was to protect me from sex. The discussion about chastity and the ring implies whether I will actually be having sex and that kind of discussion (with him, not my mother) has never got beyond vague "fooling around" type discussions.

Joh I think if you want to know his opinion he will be happy to help you

It's hard to directly confront the subject of sex. Let me give an example. Except for when I got the belt the last time I had a discussion with Dad that came anywhere close to confronting whether I would have sex was 2 1/2 years ago. I wanted to stay out all night after senior prom in high school. You just go to a house party, get a little sleep there, have breakfast and come home. Mum said "Ask Dad!". He said if I promised to keep all my clothes on all night long I could do it. I promised and never was another word said. So sex was never explicitly mentioned it was just kind of an elephant in the room. So I don't know.

Avery I said my ATTITUDE toward sex, men, my body etc. He wants me to think positively about myself, my body, being a girl, etc. One's attitude about these things can be negatively affected by an assault. If I suddenly went to him and said I want to swear off sex he might fear I had been negatively affected and worry.

he can think that, but i am sure you have enough other arguments. put them in the foreground

Avery and wear it when I'm having trouble with self restraint.

i always thought that the belt was sufficient for this purpose

Avery The discussion about chastity and the ring implies whether I will actually be having sex

Sorry if I've missed something, but I don't see it that way, or rather I don't see any reason why it should be that way.

Vanessa Would it put you into troubles?

Or only embarrass you a bit?

I fear that he would be unhappy about it and I do not want to make him unhappy.

Angelina Sorry if I've missed something, but I don't see it that way, or rather I don't see any reason why it should be that way.

I'm talking only about my own situation. Definitely not saying this would be true of any girl who approached her father about such a ring.

Avery Hmmm. Well, he knows I've had boyfriends. He's probably realistic about the possibility of sexual contact. When we do talk about it it is referred to as "fooling around", no specifics are mentioned.

OK. He knows, but will not say it directly. Go from there and ask him his opinion on the subject. It is best to go from general to specific in small steps, depending on how he reacts.

Avery has never got beyond vague "fooling around" type discussions.

If you show him that you are serious about the issue through good arguments and consideration from different points of view, he will see that you are responsible and not reckless. I think that's what he wants to see from his children.
Why should that become critical?
I think it's not going to be easy for the two of you to talk about this openly and honestly because it's a very intimate subject. Sexuality and how you want to deal with.

Avery So sex was never explicitly mentioned it was just kind of an elephant in the room. So I don't know.

I had the same experience as you and I suppose many after as will have it as well.
I'm sure talking about it is embarrassing for both of you. It takes some courage but I think it's worth it.
He probably won't say it on his own, but if you do, it's out there and he can deal with it.

Joh depending on how he reacts.

It will make him very nervous.

Joh he will see that you are responsible and not reckless. I think that's what he wants to see from his children.

True.

Joh I think it's not going to be easy for the two of you to talk about this openly and honestly because it's a very intimate subject.

Also true.

Joh It takes some courage but I think it's worth it.
He probably won't say it on his own, but if you do, it's out there and he can deal with it.

I guess I am more encouraged now.

Avery I guess I am more encouraged now.

I have had a few such situations that were embarrassing or difficult. Before that, I thought a lot about how it could go or what the reaction could be. I was so nervous but in the end it went much better than I feared.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Vanessa But she doesn't plan to wear it permanently.

yes, but whenever she would be tempted, she could put on the belt as protection.

Avery I'm talking only about my own situation. Definitely not saying this would be true of any girl who approached her father about such a ring.

yes, your situation is difficult, but how does your father feel about it in general. would he support you if you wanted to remain chaste? do you perhaps have good reasons that could distract from your past history?

Avery I guess I am more encouraged now.

if you explain the reasons to your father well, he will certainly support you. there is nothing better for parents than when their children turn to them even with difficult problems.

Angelina yes, your situation is difficult, but how does your father feel about it in general. would he support you if you wanted to remain chaste? do you perhaps have good reasons that could distract from your past history?

Yes I think he would, I'm sure, in fact, tho the discussion would probably make him feel ill at ease. I think he would see it as a sign of maturity, getting away from a kind of high school exploration phase into a more serious look to the future phase. He's never said it that I know of but I think he went through this himself, sowing some wild oats when he was young (fooling around with girls I mean), and later getting married, fathering six kids and worrying about building a good life for the family.

Angelina if you explain the reasons to your father well, he will certainly support you. there is nothing better for parents than when their children turn to them even with difficult problems.

OK.

Avery

then i would talk to him about it in the same way, tell him how important your future is, how important it is for you to find a partner with whom you can be as happy as he is, i think then there will be no reason for him to worry.