Trans and chastity
What is the appeal of chastity for you, transwomen?
I am in a T4T relationship and originally came to this forum looking for horror stories to show my girlfriend about the reality of chastity as opposed to the fantasy.
I asked her and her reasons for wanting to try it are this: she wants to be submissive to me, she has become somewhat desensitized to porn, and she thinks it might help alleviate genital dysphoria.
I have been dominant in our sex life so far, spanking her and experimenting with light bondage as play, never punishment. I feel a little guilty for that, like I'm setting back the cause of feminism and enforcing traditional gender roles. We both enjoy ourselves though, and this relationship has brought me more pleasure and happiness than I have ever had.
That's our sex life though, we are equals elsewhere and I feel that introducing a cage or belt for her may skew our relationship. When I was younger, especially around the time I first got Testosterone, I was a misogynist trying to separate myself from women by diminishing them. I have worked on that and am trying to be better, my girlfriend has helped immeasurably. Taking her key, even in a fetish context, might make our relationship unequal. Chastity would be there even when we're not playing. What if she wants out? I would probably release her on the spot, but that defeats the point of chastity and might not be what she really wants. Do I keep her locked? That would violate her consent in my opinion, and I'm not sure I want unchecked power over her outside of a situation where she can safeword at any time.
Wanting to be controlled, submissive and feminine is strange to me as I have fought to be seen as an adult, a professional and a male. On the other hand, I kind of get where she is coming from. We both had/have religious families (Mormon for me, Catholic for her) and while I have tried to break from the church and it's teachings, she gets some gender euphoria from filling the role her upbringing taught her belonged to a woman. Genital dysphoria is a bitch, believe me, I know.
Having a partner control your orgasms sounds hot and kinky, but reading after reading this forum and a few other- chastity- related ones, the reality of it seems very different from the porn version.
My first instinct is to rage against one person controlling the life of another. I look on with horror at the stories of involuntary beltings and people put in chastity by their parents. I know that many women (and some men) on this site do not need or want to be rescued, but I still have a desire to cut locks, break chains and scream "This is not normal! Fight! Leave! Run! Do whatever it takes to be free!"
Sorry for the long post, just me throwing my thoughts into the void that is the internet. I am curious about other trans folks take on chastity. This is more about fetish chastity than lifestyle chastity, but all answers are welcome if you are willing to share.
Matt Obviously I cannot speak for the trans parts of it, but one thing to keep in mind is that the consent of getting into the situation in the first place might be a huge deal. A lot of the "horror stories" you read about here come from a point where the wearer and keyholder were very much not starting out as equal partners - the keyholder holds a superior role (often as parent/guardian) in day-to-day life. And in such situations, it is really difficult to get freely given and enthusiastic consent, so a lot of those people live in situations where consent is dubious at best. You would be coming from a position of equality, where it would be much easier to establish terms and boundaries that everyone is on board with. Especially if locking up is her idea in the first place.
Beyond that, if you are already familiar with BDSM play and have a safeword, then the solution sounds simple. Unlock her if she uses the safeword, keep her locked if she says "I want out".
- Edited
Matt That would violate her consent in my opinion, and I'm not sure I want unchecked power over her outside of a situation where she can safeword at any time.
I'm not trans, but I can speak from a BDSM perspective.
If she uses her safeword, you let her out and talk. All power exchange stops instantly.
When you try to make some part of a BDSM relationship 24/7, something else that can be useful is the concept of "straight time." This can be scheduled or by request. The idea is that this is a special time outside of time when you talk as equals and say what you really want without any role playing. Maybe she really wants you to keep her locked up no matter how much she begs. Maybe she's having some real difficulties and would like a break. Maybe you feel uneasy about something you are doing to her and want some straight answers that you know aren't part of a role play. During straight time you two can communicate directly, and then back in the power dynamic you can make decisions with more knowledge about how she feels and what she needs. This also lets her tell you when things are genuinely overwhelming her so you can back off and avoid creating a situation where she needs to safeword. This doesn't mean you always do what she wants, but it does mean that you have a better understanding of what she wants and how close she is to her limits when you decide to push her.
Your girlfriend clearly trusts you to be a caring and responsible dom, and based on the questions you are asking I think you would be.
Angelina
Since both Matt and his girlfriend are trans, I assume it means trans for trans.
I think Matt has the biological sex of "female," was assigned the gender "girl" at birth, and now identifies as a man, while his girlfriend has the biological sex of "male," was assigned the gender of "boy" at birth, and now identifies as a woman.
Based on the comment about genital disphoria, I believe she is pre-op or non-op, meaning she hasn't had gender affirming surgery (formerly known as a "sex change," also often called "bottom surgery") and we are talking about locking up a trans woman's penis.
If I have everything right.
thank you, i admit it confuses me sometimes and i don't want to write something wrong about such a sensitive topic.
Thank you both for the advice, "straight time" is a very good idea. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with a stranger on the internet.
Angelina Sorry, we're not all experts in this field. Can you briefly explain what the abbreviation means?
@MissBlossom 's answer is correct. I am in a trans for trans relationship, but you can think of us like any other couple. If it helps, my girlfriend is like Prudence or Daphne in this thread and I am the opposite; I'm a man. I am happy to answer any questions about myself, as you all put so much about yourselves on here. If the question pertains to my girlfriend, I may ask her permission before answering, but the answer will probably be yes.
Thank you youdontknowme, Miss Blossom.
Ask away! We never learn if we never question. I started taking testosterone before I met my girlfriend, and I knew that I wanted to be a man for about two years before that. Getting on T was a very lengthy process, and I often asked myself "Am I doing this to rebel against my family and church? Or because it's trendy? Or because I want to be taken seriously, and want to cheat the system by becoming a man?" and then I started living as a man, and my life got better. I love my voice now, it's so deep! Before T, when I would get angry it was always wet, helpless anger that left me teary-eyed and frustrated; now I get angry more but it's "I want to break stuff" anger, or cold, calculating anger. I'm getting stronger, I have more energy, I feel more confident. Getting rid of periods? Fantastic! There are some downsides like my butt getting hairy before anything else and the awkward mid-transition phase where you are not sure how well you pass and aren't sure which bathroom you can use, but I wanted to be a man, became one, and am happier for it.
If you mean "did you always feel this way?" about dating a woman who is trans, then I always felt some attraction towards women. Before I transitioned but after I knew about sexuality, I was probably bisexual with a slight preference towards men, and after T I would say I'm still bisexual now with a preference for women.
Dating another trans person is not uncommon, and has been an interesting experience for us both. For example, I hate crying, I have not cried in years, my girlfriend is the opposite. When women talked about a "good cry" I always thought they were weird but my GF likes the emotional release and feels refreshed and de-stressed after. She'll have a hard week at work or we'll watch a sad movie and she'll get sniffly on my shoulder, I'll comfort her, she'll feel feminine and looked after.
We both wonder occasionally why the other would give up the gender we each worked to achieve. The thing with T4T relationships is we both get it, she didn't like being an emotionally constipated stinky man (her words, not mine) any more than I enjoyed femininity with female roles and expectations.
Sorry for spamming what is supposed to be a chastity lifestyle forum with trans posts. Sasha, please let me know if I answered your question.
Maybe? I would say I know more trans people dating cis people than trans people dating other trans people, but trans folks are a small percentage of the population and I have a small sample size to draw from. If my current relationship ended, I'd be open to dating a cisgender person.
My GF and I have a lot in common and fit well together. She's smarter, and better educated than me and I am a better cook. She's very submissive and I am dominant in the bedroom, and we are both enjoy trying new, creative and kinky things. I'd like to think that we are not together just because we are both trans, but I can't say it doesn't play any part.