Your Mom's Thigh Bands

Sin

Angelina you also imply that settling down with your first partner is always the wrong way to go. i would like to ask why this cannot lead to happiness?

It definitely can. :-)
Currently you are unable to explore options that should be considered essential learning experiences for a girl of your age. Gap year, travel, job opportunities in other towns / cities / countries, involvement in sporting groups, living together, living apart, living by yourself, uni, work etc... You are limited in all of these things (and more). It would be hard for you to take things slowly and explore your place in the world without severe limitations or adverse effects on your quality of life.

Angelina whether someone is abusing us is an individual matter.

When you recognise abuse, it's a natural reaction to speak up or try to intervene, in an attempt to help a victim that may be unable to help themselves. Sometimes this perception is completely wrong, or the attention is unwelcome. But it's hard to ignore.

LoonyMel

Sin options that should be considered essential learning experiences

That is what I was talking about in the school VS parents question about education.
Parents shape you in the beginning, but becoming mature is something that happens when someone learn to confront society outside.
That leads to the moment in which a child gets back home and realizes that he knows best on certain fields. No more adolescent rebellious arrogance, but a self conscious adult knowledge that leads the first "no, it is not like this. With my experience, now that I lived my share of life, I can tell that x works in an y manner...".
Usually that is the moment in which all family realizes the growth.
Safety comes in all sort of manners, but it can be limitative.
" wear an helmet while riding your bike" seems excessive sometimes, but there is also "I won't buy a bike because it can be dangerous".

As always, I think there is no simple black or white here; compromising is a perfect word for many situations.

Angelina

Joh Your partner's characteristics, which you did not consider important at first, turn out to be unacceptable in the process of time. Or your own behaviour that you thought you could change does not change. There are many things that can cause a relationship to fail. But if you are able to learn from it, you have a good chance of starting next time with better conditions and avoiding mistakes.

of course, many first relationships fail, i have experienced this many times in my circle of friends. however, it is usually due to the fact that we did not communicate well enough with each other. it is important to talk openly and honestly with each other in the beginning about whether the ideas of life fit together, this takes away some of the romance in the beginning, but then we are sure that we can "let ourselves fall" into the relationship. 🙂

Sin It definitely can. :-)
Currently you are unable to explore options that should be considered essential learning experiences for a girl of your age. Gap year, travel, job opportunities in other towns / cities / countries, involvement in sporting groups, living together, living apart, living by yourself, uni, work etc... You are limited in all of these things (and more). It would be hard for you to take things slowly and explore your place in the world without severe limitations or adverse effects on your quality of life.

i agree with you that i am limited in many things, but if i really wanted to, we would find a solution. but the will is currently not there, i think we should decide for ourselves which options we want to use.

Sin When you recognise abuse, it's a natural reaction to speak up or try to intervene, in an attempt to help a victim that may be unable to help themselves.

I see it exactly the same way, but what is abuse for me or you can be something completely normal for others.

Vanessa

Sin Currently you are unable to explore options that should be considered essential learning experiences

It is unusual to try all of this;some are common,like study,work,living on our own,etc...But some like,gap year,working in other countries,etc...are more unusual.

And our rules and devices don't prevent most of it(at least in my case).

Angelina if i really wanted to, we would find a solution. but the will is currently not there

Similar for me.

For example,I probably have been able to discuss with my parents about a gap year,but I prefer myself to start searching for a job soon after my studies.

Sara2001

Foxies I think I mostly agree with you. I can't change how I was raised and I don't have to feeling that I didn't had a choice which lifestyle I want, but I agree with you, that children shouldn't be raised with these role models nowadays, so if you have such a kind of relationship, you should hide it to some extend. This is at least how we want to handle things. Things like discipline and stuff should not happen in front of children and children shouldn't have gender related roles while they grow up.

Sin

@Sara2001 May I ask... What are your feelings towards the BDSM community? Do you think your lifestyle is related to kink in any way? Do you enjoy any other aspects of BDSM such as bondage, spanking etc?

Sara2001

Sin May I ask... What are your feelings towards the BDSM community? Do you think your lifestyle is related to kink in any way? Do you enjoy any other aspects of BDSM such as bondage, spanking etc?

I think BDSM is a version of playing what we do in real. I think our lifestyle is definitely related to kinks and I think as long as both of us are happy with integrating these kinks or at least are absolutely not unhappy to see these kinks in our relationship, everything is fine.

I am not sexually into bondage and if it comes to spanking, I am very well trained, that spankings are a way of discipline not sex and Daniel is traind to find the right level, so they feel like discipline, not like foreplay or something like that.

Joh

Angelina it is usually due to the fact that we did not communicate well enough with each other.

I agree too often the communication is not sufficient. But with some problems you can't solve it with communication. You can come the a conclusion which leads to a separation because it is the best.

Angelina whether the ideas of life fit together,

Sadly you can't predict everything in the beginning. You can not foresee in which direction each of you will develop but your approach will reduce the risk to fail.

Vanessa working in other countries,

Work in other countries are usual in Germany. I met many young people in other countries. They did it before they started studying.

Sin I think international travel will take a long time to recover. :-(

I see it too ☹️

Sin Travelled to a developing country, significantly invested in the local economy, learnt some of the Bahasa-Indonesian language, undertook extensive Indo-Australian negotiations, taught self defence to an underprivileged community group, did a research project into the Indonesian incarceration system"

Great. :-))

Sin

Vanessa I think Covid has stopped most gap year plans now anyway. :-(
In Australia it's almost a rite of passage... because we're so isolated most young people are itching to get out and experience different cultures / lifestyles. That's why you get so many feral Aussie backpackers in Europe. (You poor things!).

These days many employers see travel experience as an asset... being able to adapt to different situations, budgeting, people skills, communication, tolerance and understanding etc etc. You learn a lot from travelling.

I've found these gaps in my resume have actually given me a foot in the door several times... but unfortunately the situation for the current generation is vastly different to how it was. I think international travel will take a long time to recover. :-(

Incidentally, the only people who seem to travel as much as Aussies are Germans! No matter how far off the beaten track I go there's always Germans! I bump into them in the weirdest places.

Angelina

Vanessa For example,I probably have been able to discuss with my parents about a gap year

i might do that too, i think my father would agree, but it will take another 5 years (at least 3), but i also have the advantage that my future job is relatively secure.

Sin Incidentally, the only people who seem to travel as much as Aussies are Germans! No matter how far off the beaten track I go there's always Germans! I bump into them in the weirdest places.

🤣

Vanessa I think it is possible,yes;depending on our travels,however.More if we travel in other countries,and less with a travel agency.

and i think it depends on the reason. travelling to discover foreign cultures is of course more meaningful than travelling to get drunk and party.

Vanessa

Sin I think Covid has stopped most gap year plans now anyway. :-(

Probably yes.

Sin In Australia it's almost a rite of passage... because we're so isolated most young people are itching to get out and experience different cultures / lifestyles.

Less common in Europe,I think.At least in France.

Sin You learn a lot from travelling.

I think it is possible,yes;depending on our travels,however.More if we travel in other countries,and less with a travel agency.

Mr-TM

Sin Incidentally, the only people who seem to travel as much as Aussies are Germans! No matter how far off the beaten track I go there's always Germans! I bump into them in the weirdest places.

We are also travel world champions

Sin

Sara2001 I think our lifestyle is definitely related to kinks and I think as long as both of us are happy with integrating these kinks or at least are absolutely not unhappy to see these kinks in our relationship, everything is fine.

I agree. I don't think your relationship is any different to many people I know in the kink community. Being introduced to it by your parents is hard to fathom though... You've effectively be 'sold off' at a very young age to the first guy you meet from your parent's community.

Jumping into such an intense BDSM relationship with your very first partner is fraught with danger. It takes years to develop the trust and understanding required from both of you. Not saying you can't be happy or that you shouldn't do it... but there are a lot of red flags in your situation.

Sara2001

Sin You've effectively be 'sold off' at a very young age to the first guy you meet from your parent's community.

I am not kind of sold of in any way. I was by no means forced to have a relationship with him or to have this kind of relationship with him. Being raised with his values doesn't make me blind for other values. I visited school, I have friends who grow up in equal rights families. I know there are other choices for me but I have choosen this lifestyle. I am not a helpless slave girl how you describe me.

Sin It takes years to develop the trust and understanding required from both of you.

Yes, and we have all these years. I know him for a while now and it hasn't started like it is now. Everything evolved slowly and will continue to evolve slowly. If it evolves in a way that makes me unhappy, I am 100% sure that we will change these aspects. I am not helpless or blind or stupid or brainwashed.

Jen

Sin https://unwedchastity.org/d/60/468

Vanessa

Sara2001 Everything evolved slowly and will continue to evolve slowly.

But almost always by getting stricter.

Angelina i might do that too, i think my father would agree

Do you consider doing it,so?

Angelina travelling to discover foreign cultures is of course more meaningful than travelling to get drunk and party.

Of course.

Sin

🤣

Joh Work in other countries are usual in Germany. I met many young people in other countries. They did it before they started studying.

Not that common in France,especially before studying.

Sin

Angelina travelling to discover foreign cultures is of course more meaningful than travelling to get drunk and party.

Depends how you frame it in a job interview...
"Went to Bali, got shitfaced in a nightclub, swore at the barman, had a fight with some locals and got arrested"
vs
"Travelled to a developing country, significantly invested in the local economy, learnt some of the Bahasa-Indonesian language, undertook extensive Indo-Australian negotiations, taught self defence to an underprivileged community group, did a research project into the Indonesian incarceration system"
😁

LoonyMel

Sin
There is a famous comedy movie here in Italy, one of the best we ever had and one of the best in absolute, which is has the same scene.
Three friends who work in an hardware store just because they married two of the three daughters of the director.
They are at lunch and talking to an interesting lady who shows culture and who works as an art restorer and then she suddenly asks them what they do. One of them rushes it.
"well... We work in a mechanical branch, we sell little ultra precise tool which then will be developed into bigger reality. Components which will be the basis for the development of... You know, microcomputer, engineering stuff, we... Clear?"
"...ehr... Nope. "
Then the most silly one breathes with resignation.
" well we have an hardware store. To be honest is not like we have it. We just are employed there. Like... just servants... Slaves...".

Foxies

Sin

Smiles. If you are not a journalist or politician, your talents are being wasted. 🤣 For that amount of "spin" you must put out one heck of a magnetic field 😂

Angelina

Sin

that's right, the way it is formulated is crucial 😂

Angelina

Joh I agree too often the communication is not sufficient. But with some problems you can't solve it with communication. You can come the a conclusion which leads to a separation because it is the best.

of course, when nothing else helps, only separation helps, but mostly couples separate too quickly, that's the point

Joh but your approach will reduce the risk to fail.

and that is the goal 0 risk of course does not exist

Vanessa Do you consider doing it,so?

I don't know yet, there is still sooo much time until then. 😉

Joh

Vanessa But almost always by getting stricter.

She want it.

Sara2001

Vanessa But almost always by getting stricter.

Isn't that logical when you are working on the rules for a man led relationship? Because we talk a lot and make small changes on a regular basis and because we use the experiences of our families, we have a very good chance, that we only try things that work for us. But of course there are things that we don't continue that give me more freedom. Not everything is practically.

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