Long Term Chastity in Marriage

Sara2001 we want to find out how many of them I need to stay happy.

Thats a scary idea. You say you're happy now - how many is it now........

harlequin181 we use it for a week or so at a time with long breaks in between because my husband enjoys how enthusiastic I am in bed with him after this.

Done for him

harlequin181 I masturbate a lot and he feels that he is neglected as a result, which is definitely true

your guilt

harlequin181 He’s made it clear that if the belt goes on then only he has the keys.

Him deciding

harlequin181 I also enjoy the feeling of waiting, because I know that it won’t last too long and I’ll get some relief.

You liking when you know it is short

harlequin181 I am just intimidated by the idea

your worry

harlequin181 losing the control of knowing when I will get relief long term is probably the most stressful aspect.

your worry

harlequin181 Which means that by the time he gets home, I've taken care of it by myself.

your guilt

harlequin181 He wants to reduce the number of orgasms

what he wants

See what you write it's all what he wants and you worrying and feeling guilty. You'll wreck your marriage over his silly idea. The only thing you liked was short term - why don't you talk to him about lots of short term and maybe putting it on a day or two before he gets back from long trips.

Jen See what you write it's all what he wants and you worrying and feeling guilty. You'll wreck your marriage over his silly idea.

It's difficult to say at this distance whether this is genuine guilt (like I felt) or an unhealthy pressure to feel guilty, If the latter, I agree with you strongly. If it's the former, well yeah, masturbation can seriously interfere with a relationship and some solution should be discussed.

The trouble with belts is that they do involve a transfer of will power and volition. This should be a red flag for everyone, however, in the right context: (trust, mutual respect etc), this can be a good thing: Not everything we want is good for us.

Sin Put your belt on, hide the keys from him and tease him

I would do it too in this situation.

harlequin181 I am not permanently belted - we use it for a week or so at a time with long breaks in between because my husband enjoys how enthusiastic I am in bed with him after this.

So as a game?

harlequin181 I masturbate a lot and he feels that he is neglected as a result, which is definitely true I don’t want to damage my marriage just because I can’t control myself, so I know that chastity is probably the best answer.

No.It can be a tool to help,but not an answer.

You should instead try to know why you masturbate so much,and/or try to have enough self-control to reduce it.

harlequin181 it won’t be too awful if/when I do get belted 24/7.

It is very hard and frustrating.Easier to manage if you're a voluntary wearer.

Sin

It could work!

harlequin181

Can't you concentrate on other things until he's home?

What after the pandemic,if you normally work in a office?

Laura

It can be arousing,too.

Joh You could wear it only when he is not at home. Problem solved.

Right.

harlequin181

So it is more about starting a man-led relationship than to use chastity more seriously.

Jen The only thing you liked was short term - why don't you talk to him about lots of short term and maybe putting it on a day or two before he gets back from long trips.

It could work too,yes.

harlequin181 it’s just a big change so that’s what’s making me nervous. I’m pretty sure I will agree to it.

You should be very careful. Make sure that your happiness comes first, you must feel that he will change things if this routine will make you unhappy in the long term. You should not give this power to someone who you can't trust by 250% that you long term happiness is most important for him. If you have this feeling, it can be a great experience, but I am sure it will not be easy.

Jen Thats a scary idea. You say you're happy now - how many is it now........

It's different, I can accept it, even if I hate it, because I know my situation will change. After marriage this would be completely different. I am happy with Daniels rules, not with my father's.

Sara2001 You should be very careful. Make sure that your happiness comes first, you must feel that he will change things if this routine will make you unhappy in the long term. You should not give this power to someone who you can't trust by 250% that you long term happiness is most important for him. If you have this feeling, it can be a great experience, but I am sure it will not be easy.

@harlequin181 I totally support @Sara2001 advice. Don't accept less.

harlequin181 What are Daniel’s rules? I know about your father’s from previous posts but I’m interested in what the rules will be during marriage.

I don't go into details here. If you like we can talk about it by mail. If you want, you can ask Laura for my mail address.

harlequin181 I guess I just want someone to tell me it won’t be too awful if/when I do get belted 24/7.

I can't really say that, unfortunately. I can only tell you that it will help you if you know why you are doing it and that it is worth it to you.

so now i have gone through all posts and come back to your starting point. we can now write about emotions and everything, but other users have already done that.

I would like to point out an important point. you are married, you don’t need a belt and normally you don’t need mastubation. you have a husband who should take care that you are sexually happy even without mastubation. if that's not you, you should talk to him, then maybe the belt can also be part of the solution. if he makes you happy often enough it doesn't feel like 24/7 but more like a wait until he makes you happy again

Angelina I would like to point out an important point. you are married, you don’t need a belt and normally you don’t need mastubation. you have a husband who should take care that you are sexually happy even without mastubation.

Doesn't work like that... some alone time is completely different to having sex. It doesn't mean your husband is not keeping you satisfied, sometimes you just feel like being in a different headspace. No men required (or allowed!).

Sin

I agree.

Angelina I am thinking of something like mastubation at the phone sex or something similar.

Ewww! I'm thinking of a cosy morning in bed when your partner has gone for a surf, it's raining outside and there's no reason to get up. Purely theoretical of course!

Having sex / making love is great for enhancing the connection between a couple, but it's not the be-all and end-all. I think masturbation can be far more cerebral. A way of indulging and letting your mind wander wherever it wants to. Exploring yourself on a physical, mental and spiritual level. Sometimes that's hard to do when you're with someone else... They're two completely different scenarios. It doesn't mean you're cheating or that your partner is hard done by. It's just that sometimes, it's what you need or feel like doing.

It only becomes a problem when you are constantly doing that instead of connecting with your partner.

Sin It doesn't mean you're cheating or that your partner is hard done by. It's just that sometimes, it's what you need or feel like doing.

i understand what you mean, i would never judge my girlfriend if she masturbates after our wedding. i probably couldn't do it myself without feeling guilty. it's just my own opinion, so i can't give a general answer on whether masturbation is good or bad. for singles masturbation is something good, for couples i have a different opinion.

Sin

Well explained.

Angelina i probably couldn't do it myself without feeling guilty

Even if she's totally ok about it?

Vanessa Even if she's totally ok about it?

it's ok for camryn, i already know that. but it's not ok for myself

harlequin181 If he's a high sex drive have you considered agreeing on the proviso he wears one too on the same basis?

harlequin181
I am caged for a similar reason.