Users, are you married or not, while in/out of chastity?

Sara2001

Joh Clear rules and punishment must not go hand in hand. It is also possible to set strict rules and you follow them because you like it that way.

I follow my rules because I like it. But liking them 99% of the time is something else then liking them 100% of the time and in the other 1%, I love that I have to follow them, even if I don't like to follow it from time to time.

Angelina but it is probably very difficult to compare

I think it's very different. It's consensual and I can talk about my rules every week.

Joh

Sara2001 I follow my rules because I like it. But liking them 99% of the time is something else then liking them 100% of the time and in the other 1%, I love that I have to follow them, even if I don't like to follow it from time to time.

Your answer makes sense but didn't imply punishment as necessary action.

Angelina

Joh but didn't imply punishment as necessary action.

Sara2001 I don't like the punishment

can it be that sometimes the distance between the non-compliant behaviour and the type of punishment is too high? i mean that maybe more thought needs to be given to whether the "punishment" is directly related to the bad behaviour?

then it would no longer even have to be called punishment but help

Sara2001

I don't like the punishment itself, but I love that I know that I will be punished when I don't take care of my role and rules. Punishments are nothing he loves to give me or that he enjoys applying to me. He loves when I am submissive to him and punishments are not more then a necessary tool to support this.

Joh

Sara2001 I don't like the punishment itself, b

If you would like it it would not make sense that you get it. 😉

Sara2001 He loves when I am submissive to him and punishments are not more then a necessary tool to support this.

So it like similar for you like for @ZeynepFox . She sees it as education help.

Avery

Sara2001 Punishments are nothing he loves to give me or that he enjoys applying to me.

It's not the same thing, of course, but I enjoy it much more when he enjoys giving it to me, when that opportunity arises.

Sara2001

Joh So it like similar for you like for @ZeynepFox . She sees it as education help

I see it kind of similar. It definitely helps me to behave better the next time and at the end it are his rules but our goals.

Avery It's not the same thing, of course, but I enjoy it much more when he enjoys giving it to me, when that opportunity arises.

We don't see giving punishments as an opportunity but as a necessary part of our relationship and a helpful tool. Hr definitely prefers when I behaved instead of he needs to punish me. When he punishes me, he likes it a lot when I don't fight against it. It's very important for his feelings that I thank him after the punishment and tell him that I am happy that he is helping me. This can't be a phrase but I have to honestly feel it.

Avery

Sara2001 We don't see giving punishments as an opportunity but as a necessary part of our relationship and a helpful tool.

Agreed, I just used the word opportunity because I don't usually behave badly.

Sara2001 When he punishes me, he likes it a lot when I don't fight against it.

I fight some. I don't really enjoy it fully unless I shed at least a few tears.

Sara2001 It's very important for his feelings that I thank him after the punishment and tell him that I am happy that he is helping me.

Thanking him is an important part of continuing the dynamic and admitting I deserve whatever he did to me but some aftercare for me is important too.

Angelina

Sara2001 It's very important for his feelings that I thank him after the punishment and tell him that I am happy that he is helping me. This can't be a phrase but I have to honestly feel it.

can you do this honestly? i find it a bit difficult because of course you can mean it in a way that you respect his authority, but to focus it on individual punishments/rules i find it difficult.

Sara2001

Avery I fight some. I don't really enjoy it fully unless I shed at least a few tears.

Yes, I agree. A punishment from Daniel is almost useless when it doesn't touch me emotionally.

Avery Thanking him is an important part of continuing the dynamic and admitting I deserve whatever he did to me but some aftercare for me is important too.

Aftercare is extremely mandatory, thanking him is just one aspect of the aftercare. Cuddling and things like that is extremely important for me. I also need to hear and to feel that with the punishment anything that was maybe between us is solved now.

Avery

Sara2001 punishment ...... is almost useless when it doesn't touch me emotionally.

The physical pain is usually minor, it's the mental distress, the waiting for it, the (temporary) withdrawal of approval and love that hurts most and does the most good.

Sara2001 I also need to hear and to feel that with the punishment anything that was maybe between us is solved now.

And I need to say that I will try to do better.

Sara2001

Avery And I need to say that I will try to do better.

Yes, and how I will ensure it.

Avery

Sara2001 Yes, and how I will ensure it.

And I have sometimes found that only opens new ways in which I can fail and be punished for that.

Sara2001

Angelina can you do this honestly? i find it a bit difficult because of course you can mean it in a way that you respect his authority, but to focus it on individual punishments/rules i find it difficult.

Yes, if a punishment is done correctly, I feel truly thankful. I know it's not easy for him and needs a lot of consistency from him. Because of this I am truly thankful no matter how much I hate the punishment result itself.

Angelina

Sara2001

So you're grateful that he's playing by the rules too, even if it means it's painful for you and emotionally difficult for him?

Sara2001

Angelina So you're grateful that he's playing by the rules too, even if it means it's painful for you and emotionally difficult for him?

Yes, absolutely. It's important for me to know that we both want this lifestyle. If I would only punish me for misbehaviour when he is in the right mood, it would feel like it's just a funny game for him.

It is his job to ensure absolute perfect consistency. If he set a rule for me, he MUST ensure, that I follow this rule at all times and under any circumstances. No matter how he is feeling today. Of course except if one of us is seriously ill and this rule would impact getting healthy again.

His role is not easy, too.

Angelina

Sara2001 His role is not easy, too.

i don't doubt that and that's why i sometimes write that you both make it very difficult for yourselves unnecessarily. but it's good that he also recognises his role and acts responsibly. 🙂

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