How do you raise your children?
- Edited
Kaja I'm adult like them.
You and I are apparently exactly the same age. But I am not an adult like them. They have more life experience, more money, a big house, four cars, they offer free food and I love them. So if Dad wants me to keep my bottom covered at the beach I do it. Well, half of it.
Avery I wonder if people here who are parents set standards for what kind of clothing their children can wear, or not wear, especially out of the house and how closely they monitor them.
With small children, parents naturally dictate what the children may and may not wear. This expands over time and thus also shapes the taste of the child.
What a child may not wear should actually be clear, unless you are toped by relatives.
So I did not like that my 8-year-old daughter was given a bikini. From that moment on, only a bikini came into question as swimwear. The whole summer vacation she wanted to wear only the bikini, even if we wanted to visit anything. Have any of you ever discussed with an 8-year-old for 3/4 of an hour until she finally put on at least a pair of shorts over the bikini?
Mr-TM Have any of you ever discussed with an 8-year-old for 3/4 of an hour until she finally put on at least a pair of shorts over the bikini?
An interesting take, I think, by a German, to a girl wearing a bikini. So many Germans on the net chastise us stodgy Americans because we resist coed naked saunas and incidental family nudity.
Avery An interesting take, I think, by a German, to a girl wearing a bikini. So many Germans on the net chastise us stodgy Americans because we resist coed naked saunas and incidental family nudity.
Well, it's a little complicated.
My children have been brought up openly. That means that nudity was not taboo. We parents saw them naked, e.g. when bathing. But they also saw us naked, for example, when we went from the bedroom to the bathroom.
But it is, at least for me, a big difference if we were naked in the sauna, where everyone is, or if my daughter goes to see the Rhine Falls in a bikini at the age of 8.
I thought she was too young for that.
Ines but with 16 or 17 years it was a common scene.
My daughter was just half that age.
From a rather pro-nudism perspective, I would argue that a bikini might even be more provocative than toplessness or full nudity is, because it sort of singles out the chest as an area that deserves special attention, which seems rather inappropriate to me with prepubescent girls. I would definitely favor a one-piece bathing suit for younger girls like that from a modesty perspective, as it seems to offer the best of both worlds - keeps all the potential taboo areas covered while not singling out undeveloped body parts as taboo yet.
But irrespective of your culture's attitude to nudity, I think it is important to establish that different clothing styles are appropriate for different situations. And the stakes for that are probably even higher in cultures where nudity is not just a blanket taboo topic. There is a time for streetwear, a time for swimwear, a time for nudity and a time for formal attire, and while there is certainly a bit of overlap between those groups, there are some things that are inappropriate, be that getting naked at school or wearing swimwear to church, streetwear to the pool or formal wear to the beach.
Avery But I am not an adult like them. They have more life experience, more money, a big house, four cars, they offer free food and I love them. So if Dad wants me to keep my bottom covered at the beach I do it. Well, half of it.
Because you value the life experience of your father you show how smart you are.
I came early to the conclusion it is good to think about what older people say. Often they have a broader overview and can better judge situations through their experience. This is not to follow them blindly, but to use your brain and think it through.
Mr-TM But it is, at least for me, a big difference if we were naked in the sauna, where everyone is, or if my daughter goes to see the Rhine Falls in a bikini at the age of 8.
I thought she was too young for that.
OK, so if she were older you might remove your objections. I'm just trying to understand, not judging or arguing. I have followed a girl on youtube "Feli From Germany" for a number of years. She always talks about Germans being open with nudity but she always dresses to the teeth. Just not what I expected.
Back to the general education.
When my daughter had reached the right phase of defiance at the age of 5 or 6, I had to think about how to "force" her to do things. (please do not take it literally) what is necessary, but she does not want to do.
So I started counting. That means I told her something she should do, e.g. tidy up her room. If she didn't want to do it, I told her that if I counted to 3 and she still didn't do it, something specific would happen. It was always something she liked even less than what she was supposed to do. I was very creative about that, as you can see from the pacifier story.
This worked so well that shortly after I only had to ask her if she wanted me to count. And since she knew that I do what I say, there was no discussion about it.
I did the same with my son, with the same success.
However, I would also like to point out the problems of this method, so that you do not make the same mistakes as I did at the beginning.
Think well before what you threaten!
Once, but really only once, I threatened my daughter to put her over my knee. I just couldn't imagine that she would go for it. Well, I was wrong. But in order not to lose my authority I had to go through with it. Before there is now an outcry, because of abuse of small children. She was wearing jeans and I slapped her bottom very lightly,
Especially for the fathers of sons is still something very important. The son always wants to compete with you.
Once when we were pressed for time because we had to go to an appointment, my son thought he had me. He knew exactly that I could not threaten him with anything, so I could put him on the right way at that time. I knew that I had to react quickly and decisively. I gave him a slap in the face. Again, no abuse of young children. I struck Blitz quickly but only hit him lightly on the cheek (thank martial arts). It was just to get him out of the consept. Since he had not expected such a reaction, it also worked great. After that he did something confused what I told him.
Those were also the only two times I "hit" my children. It is much more effective to be a little creative and come up with something unexpected. At least that is my experience.
youdontknowme From a rather pro-nudism perspective, I would argue that a bikini might even be more provocative than toplessness or full nudity is, because it sort of singles out the chest as an area that deserves special attention, which seems rather inappropriate to me with prepubescent girls. I would definitely favor a one-piece bathing suit for younger girls like that from a modesty perspective,
Sorry to editorialize but I find this all very interesting. One may say they are pro-nudism but also have very specific ideas about what exactly is appropriate and when and for whom.
I know my father has no problem with me being with boys while I am in a bikini but if they saw me in my underwear, which covers about the same, he would be very displeased.
youdontknowme bikini might even be more provocative than toplessness or full nudity is
That's exactly why I didn't like that she was given a bikini in the first place. Since she always wanted to wear it is clear. It made her feel like she was a big girl.
youdontknowme it is important to establish that different clothing styles are appropriate for different situations
That was always clear to her, with the exception of this vacation, without that we would have ever talked about it. In the sauna or at home naked is OK, on the street never.