Controlling multiple habits

Jen

Greg Its interesting though that I felt rather down prior and that's why (or at least I thought) I didn't want to put my belt back on, but once I did re-lock I started to feel better.

Omg yes I remember learning this. The belt is freedom - like you don't have to control or worry any more. Of course we feel better once it's relocked.

Greg

Jen The belt is freedom

Its funny how true that is, you'd think putting a lock on anything would be less freedom. Not having to worry is the freedom.

Jen

I'm still worried - like is your wife feeling ignored? I don't understand this at all - I mean even if sex is difficult there's other things. Like doesn't she wasn't that closeness with you?

Greg

Jen I'm still worried - like is your wife feeling ignored? I don't understand this at all - I mean even if sex is difficult there's other things. Like doesn't she wasn't that closeness with you?

Her medical issues are pretty extreme, although not any one thing there are many problems. Doctors plain and simple don't know how to help her. I have had to take her to the emergency room 5 times in just the last month, they usually can't even help her other than verify she's not dying. I do believe there is a way for her to get better but it requires her making decisions for herself, all I've tried to do is provide her information but she has to want to do it. I do my best to be there for her, and I don't hold it against her in any way that she can't always reciprocate because its not her fault.

Sasha

Greg It’s great reading about how you’re using chastity to achieve your goals.
Sorry to hear your wife has to go through these things. You’re a great husband sticking by her and being so understanding.
Hope she can find a way to feel better soon

Jen

Greg oh sorry

Ines

Greg

I hope you can get soon a solution.
You can be proud of yourself.
I will pray for her.

Greg

Sasha Sorry to hear your wife has to go through these things. You’re a great husband sticking by her and being so understanding.
Hope she can find a way to feel better soon

Thank you its always a struggle but after 10 years I've gotten used to it. We do have plenty of blessings, a 6 y/o daughter who is just the happiest kid you could meet, I've been very successful at my job, we have a nice house, everything we need. Most importantly we have our faith in Christ, we may suffer here but not in the next.

Ines I hope you can get soon a solution.
You can be proud of yourself.
I will pray for her.

Thank you!

Jonas

Greg Its funny how true that is, you'd think putting a lock on anything would be less freedom. Not having to worry is the freedom.

And I find the stronger the lock the less I have to stress about.

Nothing worse than that halfway house where I was sort of smoking and sort of quitting at the same time. Fighting and torturing myself, feeling bad and weak is no way to live.

A lock, preferably backed up by real world consequences, puts an immediate end to the fight and frees you to move on to the next thing... and if you've chosen well, the next thing is an absolutely positive life-change.

Greg

Jonas And I find the stronger the lock the less I have to stress about.

Yea this definitely helps. Its why I concluded trap style devices are a waste of time for me, I can defeat them so easily and they are too uncomfortable. This is what drew me to the Neosteel design, its effective in preventing bad behavior while its on and secure enough that I can't remove it without the keys.

No device is impervious to the determined wearer however, I know I could remove the Neosteel quite easily with simple hand tools, but the consequence would be damaging a very expensive piece of hardware, so I find that to be an effective deterrent.

In the past I've also been determined enough to destroy the lockbox I use for the keys, so what I do now is lock the shackle of the box onto a metal frame so I cannot remove it and take it down to my shop. Sounds pretty extreme but when you start to lose your mind due to temptation its easy to do stupid things. This system is effective enough that I think I can finally accept the belt is here to stay.

Jonas

Greg This is what drew me to the Neosteel design, its effective in preventing bad behavior while its on and secure enough that I can't remove it without the keys.

Yes, my Neosteel is is exactly that too. Do you sleep in yours? I found the times going to sleep and waking up required it. This drove me on to 24/7 use.

what I do now is lock the shackle of the box onto a metal frame so I cannot remove it and take it down to my shop

Good plan. You can also lock it somewhere high out of reach.

The gold standard however has to be numbered seals with someone else checking on it! A higher authority really helps.

Greg when you start to lose your mind due to temptation its easy to do stupid things.

Absolutely.

Greg

Jonas Yes, my Neosteel is is exactly that too. Do you sleep in yours? I found the times going to sleep and waking up required it. This drove me on to 24/7 use.

I am now wearing my belt basically 23/7. Typically if I do everything right, its off for less than 30 minutes while I shower. I do sleep in it and for me thats an extremely important part. Not so much sleeping itself but rather that the worst temptation for me is usually in the evening, so it has to stay on from evening until morning. Morning seems to be the best time to be able to take it off as I am rested, my mind is far less prone to give in to temptation.

Jonas Good plan. You can also lock it somewhere high out of reach.

Yea I could also bolt it to the studs in the wall, but having it under the bed attached to the metal frame would be quite awkward to attack.

Jonas The gold standard however has to be numbered seals with someone else checking on it! A higher authority really helps.

Yea I don't currently have the posts on my Neosteel to use security seals, but I know how to modify my waistband to accept a seal. Right now it would be pointless without someone to check.

Jonas

Greg Not so much sleeping itself but rather that the worst temptation for me is usually in the evening, so it has to stay on from evening until morning.

Yes this is my experience too.

Morning seems to be the best time to be able to take it off as I am rested, my mind is far less prone to give in to temptation.

Yes, this is true for me as well... once out of the bed. I have to rise immediately.

Greg Yea I don't currently have the posts on my Neosteel to use security seals,

I guess if the system is working for you then seals aren't an issue. Am so happy to read how much progress you've made. Gotta get the demon drink under such good control too though.

Greg

I am trying not to get too excited about progress, but I am glad its going well. In the evenings I've been getting this feeling of "no more orgasms on my own, oh no!" But that's literally my goal so I just remember that later and move on. I know if I do get into too much of a bad place I could ask my wife for help, I just don't want hound her every two days. Then again there's another part of me that just wants to see how long I can go since I really have no idea how long. I've never gone longer than a month which isn't long at all. So its exiting to see if I can push my own limits.

Now I did make a mistake this morning, a total accident, when I was removing my belt I dropped the lock on the floor and it clicked shut. I had already secured the key in my lockbox and my wife wasn't home so I had no way to open it. I do fortunately have a second lock for my belt but the bad part on that is both keys are in my lockbox. So if I have an emergency there's no way to remove the belt. Just going to hope for the best, I have yet to experience a physical emergency requiring removal for quite some time. My biggest worry is having to go somewhere that has a metal detector which I wasn't expecting for that day, but its pretty unlikely.

Jonas

Greg I have once had to saw off a chastity device before visiting the doctor. Another time I just went along and just hoped like hell there wasn't supposed to be any physical exam.

Greg

I am trying a couple changes to this system. I've noticed that when I have beer it makes me feel worse the next day even when its only 1 or 2. So instead I poor a small amount of whiskey that I can have in the evening (but of course trying not to drink anything is always best), the rest stays in the locked cabinet and I can access it once a day.

Second, I am going to start doing an every-other-day unlock on my belt timer. I am starting to feel a certain nervousness in the mornings when I know I can remove it, unsure if I'll put it back. Getting adapted to less frequent removals is I think the logical next step. I know I can easily go a week but prefer not to.

Jonas

Greg There can come a point where you can look forward to wearing the belt, and miss it when it's not in place. Certainly, when it's on, I feel more like my new self.

I can't say much about alcohol but I found from quitting smoking that any time you deny or delay yourself the immediate gratification, you are actively breaking the habit, you are winning.

Conrad

Greg

I also tend to drink too much. I used a timer lock safe for over a year to limit alcohol to weekends only and it really helped weaken the habit, but I would tend to drink excessively on the weekends anyway. Now I stopped using the safe and am just trying to limit alcohol to special occasions. I also have smoking and masturbation habits that I have to keep working on.

I would say that these bad habits are addictions and get wired into the brain, making it difficult to enjoy life without them. I can’t usually sustain long periods of abstention because it feels like punishment. I think supportive and positive habits have to be cultivated at the same time or else we are just punishing ourselves for our bad habits instead of being intentional about cultivating healthy habits.

Have you tried replacing alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic drinks with similar intentions? Herbal tea to calm down, coffee to speed up, I like sparkling water to refresh myself on a hot day instead of beer…

Up to this point I have not had good results from chastity devices in helping me stop masturbating because 1.) I’ve only used cheap devices, and 2.) they tend to draw my attention to my genitals and sexual thoughts/feelings.

I currently haven’t masturbated in 60+ days, and I have not been wearing any chastity device. My main weapons are fasting, prayer, and manual labor.

Have you tried skipping meals or at least avoiding animal products when aroused? Engaging in heavy labor or exercise when aroused? Memorizing Psalms and prayers and reciting them internally throughout the day? If you pray a lot and watch your thoughts, you can discover what is triggering you to act out sexually.

I try not to even think about sex, even if I’m not watching porn or staring at women, oftentimes I have sexual thoughts that add to my arousal, I try to avoid these thoughts altogether. Sex is mainly for begetting children, and I don’t want any so it’s not for me. I’m not married nor do I want to be, although I’m open to this option if the right woman shows up in my life. I do want to be healthy though and healthy testicles make testosterone which is needed for health/longevity but is also the fuel for the male sex drive. It’s frustrating but it’s necessary.

Jonas

Conrad I think supportive and positive habits have to be cultivated at the same time

Strongly agree. Every single change I have made to myself has been a case of switching out a bad habit for a good one. Smoking was replaced with jogging, masturbation was replaced with working out, etc

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