Single again chastity

Saintprudence this forum made me think a lot but it's still my thoughts

Christine No, but it could be a nightmare.

Inconvenience maybe? nightmare No!

Sara2001 Yes, she hasn't done anything wrong. He quitted for his own (understandable but unfair and egoistic) reasons.

What reasons? Why the secrecy? Did he even break up with your sister or did someone else get involved : (

Angelina it just shows that he wasn't the right one. if he can't accept that, then he didn't love her 100%. I hope your sister finds a new partner soon is there an update on what's going on after her 18th birthday? does she stay in the belt?

Me, too. Regarding what happens after her 18th birthday it's a constant up and down. Currently I think she will quit wearing the belt on her birthday and will think about her time at the university from her birthday on. I think she wants to know how it is not to wear a belt before she can decide if she is able to wear the belt for an appointment.

Sara2001 I think she wants to know how it is not to wear a belt before she can decide if she is able to wear the belt for an appointment.

This is a good approach to form an opinion. Get to know both sides.

Saintprudence I’m working a lot on that with a therapist. Because I’m torn between my dominant and submissive, religious and rebellious sides, he’s suggested I give each one some time “in control” and see what feels right. Putting on my dominant religious face recently is one thing that got me to post here again. I wanted to see how I felt actually expressing these ideas. It’s already serving a purpose. In a vacuum, I can say “obviously masturbation must be prevented,” but in the face of those who must live with it, such as you and Jen, that attitude is not as strong.

i can understand that, but i hope it won't last forever. it's good that you are getting psychological help, i think you should work through your past and regain a healthy attitude.

Saintprudence “you’re well into your 20s and still live with your mother, clearly you need to be belted and kept in line until you get your life together.” All these sides are in conflict.

i agree with this part, but i think it doesn't help anyone. anyone who lives in chastity against their will will never have the positive attitude towards chastity that you have. it would be right if it was on a voluntary basis. but i can understand that you have a lot of conflicts in your mind about the subject.

Sara2001 Me, too. Regarding what happens after her 18th birthday it's a constant up and down. Currently I think she will quit wearing the belt on her birthday and will think about her time at the university from her birthday on. I think she wants to know how it is not to wear a belt before she can decide if she is able to wear the belt for an appointment.

that doesn't sound so bad, so she can compare the different situations. i think the question will be whether she will be willing to return to the belt in exchange for your father's services, if your father then still wants it at all.

Angelina i can understand that, but i hope it won't last forever. it's good that you are getting psychological help, i think you should work through your past and regain a healthy attitude.

Thank you. I really do feel I’m getting there!

Angelina i agree with this part, but i think it doesn't help anyone. anyone who lives in chastity against their will will never have the positive attitude towards chastity that you have.

You’re quite correct. That attitude is entirely my mother talking, and me trying to come to terms with her voice in me. I essentially lived in chastity against my will; it’s just that the belt was mental and not physical. Deep down, I think my affinity for wearing a steel belt is that it’s easier to take off than a psychological belt!

Saintprudence I think my affinity for wearing a steel belt is that it’s easier to take off than a psychological belt!

of course you can put on and take off the belt yourself (or at least your key holder), but you can only take off the psychological belt by changing your own attitudes. i think you are on the right track, but continue to be careful.

Angelina that doesn't sound so bad, so she can compare the different situations. i think the question will be whether she will be willing to return to the belt in exchange for your father's services, if your father then still wants it at all.

My father would prefer if she wears it but will not force her. But he offers her to pay for her own apartment when she agrees to wear her chastity belt when not at home.

Otherwise he would prefer if she lives at home until she has finished her education.

Sara2001 he would prefer

Does it mean she can decide freely and he will not force her to one or the other option?

Christine I found some of my answers going to the early parts of this thread (three years old!) It’s amusing in a grim way that both Laura and your mother said what either of my moms would agree with: you haven’t got sexual freedom after divorce.

Laura That sounds right for me. Your mom is wise, you haven't got sexual freedom after divorce

This line got me really thinking, especially in light of my recent attempts to reconcile the different elements of my own personality. There’s an inherent sort of sexism in “traditional” chastity, in that it’s primarily authority figures seeking to limit female sexuality. And I’ve absorbed part of that, you know? The fact I belted Goody and that I honestly kind of feel like it’s “right” is evidence of that. It’s a big difference between my two moms. My mother was hyper-fixated on sexuality, period, and was equally terrified of both men and women masturbating. And since, pre-transition, I was a bit of a mama’s boy (no surprise there), I picked up on some of that.

Mother-in-law, Goody’s mom, is more “traditional female” that way. She deep down believes that women should be controlled more closely than men, and that men need to do the controlling in marriages. (Hilariously, her husband is the farthest thing from controlling.) She approves of the idea of women in chastity belts and wishes she’d known of it sooner, and definitely would agree that a divorced woman should be denied sexual freedom and belted until she can find a man. Permanently, if need be. (Which, for Laura and Christine and Renita, may end up being the case!)

Ironically, ever since transitioning to female, I’ve absorbed more of that side of the equation and felt a need to be “controlled” that didn’t really exist when I was presenting as male. And once I was out of the belt, I readily adapted to belting Goody. And the idea of keeping her belted for the rest of her life is — well, I’m not committed to it, but it keeps popping up in my brain, you know?

I’m not sure about what all this means. But I think about it a lot.

Laura You should mention it to her mother

Her mom would be on board with just Goody belted, or both of us belted permanently! But mom isn’t the sticking point there .

This has been a really good insight into the thought-exercise my therapist assigned me to understand my inner religious authoritarian: what would that person say in this situation? How would I feel about saying it?

And here’s the response to Christine I started to write when adopting that “version” of me. But it turns out I can’t commit all the way to being that person, even as an exercise. I can think these things but the resolve falls apart as soon as a real-world person’s future is at stake.

…
“The truth is, your mom is going to great lengths to protect your virtue and you should be grateful for it. You’re a divorced woman and that means your sexual freedom absolutely should be limited. You shouldn’t be able to touch yourself and you definitely shouldn’t be sleeping around. Both of those things are essentially stealing from your future spouse. And with all that in mind, you shouldn’t object to wearing it at all! Instead of trying to find ways out of the belt, you should be searching for the right man your mother approves of handing the keys over to, and you shouldn’t put a hard limit on whether he gives you back the keys or not. Or, if you don’t want to marry, prepare yourself for long-term belting. There’s a place in the world for you and you’re right where you need to be. Accept it and offer it up rather than fighting it.”

…
But I can’t encourage someone to be that complicit in their own unwilling chastity — in their own abuse, really. I suppose I’m not that much of a religious authoritarian after all. My mother and mother-in-law would both post that response without hesitation. And a part of me does believe every word - the same part that worries I’ll go to hell for being a trans lesbian.

But over here, I feel a little bad even posting it with all these qualifiers! I might be able to encourage a willing or reluctantly belted woman, but not someone so truly opposed to it.

Saintprudence and definitely would agree that a divorced woman should be denied sexual freedom and belted until she can find a man

I agree, otherwise she can become a slut easily.

Renita both my moms would adopt you if they could, Renita!

Joh Does it mean she can decide freely and he will not force her to one or the other option?

Yes, but he will not pay for the apartment if it is not absolutely necessary and she doesn't plan to study far away because she doesn't want to loose contact to her family and all of her friends.