just for fun and interest, should i wear a belt after after the wedding?
Angelina i don't own anything like that and it's not necessary. i will wear a chain in the triangular version as i have done before
Does the triangular chain force you to close your legs if you sit down?
Regarding the block piece. I think it makes only sense if you have the feeling you need more restriction at a specific situation. But I doubted this will ever happen in your relation. If you do, you can make one yourself from a screw, washers, a nut and a lock.
Sasha Im very interested to see how this experience goes for you, its a topic that has come up between my girlfriend and I a few times, will be very helpful seeing someones else's experience in a similar dynamic.
Do you have a similar agreement with your girlfriend?
Bryan That control might mean taking away your ability to reach one type of sexual pleasure (until she chooses to give that to you).
right, that's our definition, the belt should take sexual feelings (I hope it is understandable what I mean, it is difficult for me to explain), that's why we don't want to use plugs. maybe we are a bit conservative in general, but except for one dildo everything is "handmade" for us.
don't forget that we have a different history, but in the end it's your decision. the belt has helped you become a better person so far, maybe it will be the same when your girlfriend has the keys. in your case, would that be when you get married?
Joh Does the triangular chain force you to close your legs if you sit down?
exactly, when i sit it pulls my legs together. i admit this was a tough decision for me in general to put the thighbands on the plan, i hate those things so much, but i want to give camryn an option if she thinks it's really necessary
Sasha No, but it’s something we’ve discussed a bit
In which direction if I may ask? That one of you is responsible about your sexuality or alternately?
Angelina right, that's our definition, the belt should take sexual feelings (I hope it is understandable what I mean
I think this it the right way to start with. If you hand over the responsibility to Camryn than she will be the one who should arouse you and not a soulless toy.
Angelina i admit this was a tough decision for me in general to put the thighbands on the plan, i hate those things so much, but i want to give camryn an option if she thinks it's really necessary
I completely agree with you and congratulate you on your comprehensive concession. It takes a lot to do it like this and it speaks for you that it will be like this. I am very excited to see how it will develop and what challenges you will face.
Joh Mostly in the context of, if our relationship evolved to marriage, and she received the keys at that point what would she do with them?
Obviously it’s mostly hypothetical discussions at this point, but it’s something we’ve talked a bit about since the relationship has gone very well so far.
But the general direction of it has been, would I be willing to allow her that control? And under what conditions. So being able to see how it works for someone else might be pretty helpful for me deciding on anything
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Sasha But the general direction of it has been, would I be willing to allow her that control?
And would you do it or how do your feel by this thought?
I mean it will not reallyt something new because your mom is your KH and controls your sexuality. If you marry your GF the difference will be you love each other other but now would your wife take care you get from her what you need on intimacy.
Joh That’s the general thought. Not much changes from a functional perspective. Except she’d be providing and controlling my intimacy.
The big reasons it’s something that I’m interested to see first hand experience with is, I’d imagined gaining that control back at that point. Like @Angelina did. So how will this effect her relationship?
My other concern was, does she want to do this because she doesn’t trust me without it, or that she loves me deeply enough she wants to be my sole provider of intimacy.
Obviously it’s too early in the relationship to determine if that depth of love exists yet, but she’s made it clear that if I want to continue with it it will be because she cares for me.
Joh Thanks. It has a long way to go still. Her and I have a really good relationship going and we are becoming very open with each other. It feels like I’ve really found someone that I want to be with.
Her family on the other hand doesn’t entirely like us being together. There’s a lot to overcome there. Her parents barely accept her sexuality, and don’t hate me outright but would prefer she wasn’t. That’s a work in progress, at a point of they kind of accept me but have made it clear it’ll be a long time till I’m welcome in their home.
Laura can move this exchange to my AMA
Sasha Her family on the other hand doesn’t entirely like us being together. There’s a lot to overcome there. Her parents barely accept her sexuality, and don’t hate me outright but would prefer she wasn’t. That’s a work in progress, at a point of they kind of accept me but have made it clear it’ll be a long time till I’m welcome in their home.
Family can be stressful, especially if your child doesn't live up to your expectations. But I think it will get better with time and if it continues to develop with the two of you it will be a really good relationship.
Angelina I plan to wear the belt and bra all the time, with exceptions only for special situations (air travel, beach, doctor's visits, etc.). Camryn decides whether such a situation exists and whether it is necessary not to wear the belt and bra.
my wife may decide whether I should wear thighbands in certain situations, but she may not use them as a standard part of my equipment, but only in certain situations and only for limited periods of time.
The first 6 months are a "trial period" and have a safe word. During this period, either of us can end the whole thing without giving a reason. If the safe word is mentioned, it's over immediately.
the last point is probably the most difficult for me, but we decided to do it because we think that giving up control means actually doing it. We talked a lot about how many breaks or, better said, how many orgasms I should have. There were various time periods available for a minimum number.
You seem to be very determined an d really want to give up control. Obviously you are still a bit afraid of it and want to take smaller steps and be careful to not enter something you cannot handle afterwards.
If this is helpful for you, a safeword makes sense but as you have a partner that loves you I think she should always care about how you feel and realize when things get too much for you if this should ever happen.
The same aplies to your rule of 1 orgasm per month as a minimum. However, I understand that you are approaching it slowly before you want to give up complete control. On the other hand going for what you consider the absolut minimum that is required for you is also brave and a big step.
It is understandable because of your past that you need to develope a completely new way how you think and feel about wearing the belt again but you should never forget that you are absolutely lucky to have a wife that loves you and wants to keep you locked and you obviously want this, too. Therefore, have you considered the following:
If you want to experience that she is in control, why do you want to wait until January? As you will be locked up most of the time for 6 months anyway, the orgasms you would have in December would probably not help to make it easier to endure it. If you would ask her tomorrow to start already then, this would give you the opportunity to already feel how it is when not everything works like the way you have planned or wished it and therefore could help you to find out if this is really what you want in the long term.
@Angelina
With not needing it, I did not actually mean to abandon using safewords but you are in a relationship that has lasted some years already if i am correct. Therefore the bond between both of you should be strong enough that you should communicate and understand each other before the usage of a safeword becomes necessary.
Kaja Safeword is totall base of every BDSM action.
That is actually not true.