Is sex a "want" or a "need"?

Jonas

Things like food, water, shelter, warmth and air are physical needs. If we don't meet our needs we get ill. I've noticed that when I give into my cravings I also get ill. I want junk food, cigarettes and sex. When I put limits on these I do much better.

As a general rule, I find "needs" should be fed, but "wants" should be starved.

For the species, sex is a need, but on a personal level isn't sex just a want? Isn't sex something that should be limited? What about masturbation? Do people actually need to masturbate?

Surely no-one ever died from lack of orgasms?

Vanessa

Jonas

Sex is a primary need,I think.It is not life threatening to not have sex,as far as I know,but it can affect us.And it it is a primary instinct.

So,even if not necessary for being alive,to be in good health I think it is important,and should not be starved.

About masturbation,I think it is a good way to manage our urges,especially when we're single.

Kurt

Jonas Do people actually need to masturbate?

No need, but want.
If you really like to know what you like and how you like it in a physical and "emotional" (can't find the right word right now) way you should do it. And yes it's better to explore it with your partner. But sometimes there are things you have to explore for yourself first.

Angelina

Jonas

i would say it's like smoking, most people don't really need it, but there can be inflammation and it's very hard to quit. so it's more a want. but i must also say that without sex, humanity would no longer exist for long

Kaja

Jonas Sex is need. So you need have intercouse or masturbate or both.

Fatherof3

Vanessa About masturbation,I think it is a good way to manage our urges,especially when we're single.

Until it becomes your life and it is all you do. lol

Jonas

Vanessa Sex is a primary need,

Fatherof3 Until it becomes your life and it is all you do. lol

It's all quite confusing really because even things that are healthy needs like food can change into unhealthy cravings.

Eg: CAKE 🍰

I think Vanessa is correct, people do generally gain mental health from sex and intimacy, but when this basic need transforms into the pursuit of pleasure it can become a problem.

However, I think masturbation is pure self-gratification and know that it can take over your life, as Fatherof3 says.

I think a lot of the arguments between the generations about chastity stem from the fact that young adults want sexual freedom whereas their elders (often from personal experience) think that people need limits.

Vanessa

Fatherof3

As I often says,it should not be excessive,of course.

Vanessa

Jonas It's all quite confusing really because even things that are healthy needs like food can change into unhealthy cravings.

As I often say,it should not be excessive and not impact badly other parts of our lives.

Jonas I think masturbation is pure self-gratification and know that it can take over your life

Not if we do it,but not "pursuit the pleasure" of masturbation!😉

Jonas I think a lot of the arguments between the generations about chastity stem from the fact that young adults want sexual freedom whereas their elders (often from personal experience) think that people need limits.

But personal experience is more effective than advices from other people.

Kurt

I agree,knowing our own body is important to get;and give,pleasure with a partner(even more effective for same-sex relationship).

Jonas

I did both,and always preferred to have sex with a partner than masturbating.Way better.

Jonas However, my personal experience has led me to conclude that masturbation was bad for me.

I agree,it is mainly personal opinion.

Angelina well, i've heard that the desire for cigarettes diminishes at some point, but i don't know if this also applies to sexual pleasure.

I doubt so...

Angelina hmm... i wonder how an orgasm feels for someone who has never masturbated before having sex for the first time. must be a very exciting but maybe also scary feeling.

On the other hand,if the partner is a bit more skilled,he/she should be able to relieve the scary feeling!😉

Jonas This is why I understand when people on here return to chastity following divorce.

Only one of us,I think,and she's not very happy about it!😉

Ines However, probably it can change with time, I believe.

Do you think your sister would finally accept to wear one?

Angelina if i wore the belt because my father told me at the time: "you wear the belt to be a gift for your dream woman" i might think differently.

You would have accepted it more willingly?

Laura

"want" for me

Ines

Both.
It is a want when we are single, and a need-want when we are married and wish a pregnancy.
I think that when we are single it is a whim and in the case of girls a selfish and noxious whim.
Another different thing is when we are married.

Kurt

Ines I think that when we are single it is a whim and in the case of girls a selfish and noxious whim.

To feel good from time to time is good for a boy but not for a girl?

Laura

Ines Another different thing is when we are married.

Then it's "duty" 😂

Ines

Kurt
It acceptable for a boy, but it is awful for a girl. Obviously is my opinion, but for me there are things, smoke for example, that are not good, but in girls is much worse.

Kurt

@Foxies > "However, I have always found it interesting that evolution permitted the orgasmic sensation to be achievable in a solo setting. That never made much sense. Or did our genes evolve a mechanism that masturbation is frowned on even though the orgasmic experience is still intense?"

First of all, evolution doesn't have to make sense. If this was the case homosexuality wouldn't exist (I really having nothing against it in the contrary it's the diversity that makes this world this beautiful and working). Evolution works through try and error. And we want to see a sense in everything that sorrounds us. And mostly we didn't find a sense or if there is one we didn't find it yet.

I see it more in a biological way how our body works. If we get hungry and eat something the food expands our stomach. This gives us a feel of satisfaction. And if we are eating in a group the satisfaction is greater. Because not only our stomach sends a signal that he is full and our brain is satisfied by it. There are many other inputs (good talking, laughing, .... [my english is really to bad to explain it the way I want]). So with all these different inputs the satisfactions become greater.

And with masturbation or sex with your partner (can be more than one at the same time ;-) ) it's the same. When you stimulated certain points of your body you can get an orgasm. And if your partner does it, it is even greater.

Jonas

Kurt I think the more you give yourself sexual pleasure, the less you need a partner and the more your eye starts to wander. Conversely, if your partner is your whole sexual world, your eye is fully fixed on them!!

Ines

Laura
I hope it never becomes in a duty! 😅

Jonas

Angelina Quit smoking sure is hard, but worth it. After I beat my cravings to smoke, I became strong enough to change anything about myself. I can even cope with sexual frustration! *

*At least some of the time 😉

Angelina

Jonas

well, i've heard that the desire for cigarettes diminishes at some point, but i don't know if this also applies to sexual pleasure.

Fatherof3 It would probably be a surprise when you first climax. lol.

hmm... i wonder how an orgasm feels for someone who has never masturbated before having sex for the first time. must be a very exciting but maybe also scary feeling.

Kurt

Jonas I think we have the same opinions. I'm just to lazy to express myself clearly in my bad english. Seriously I never believed my teachers that I would need english again and they were so right about it.
So I try to express myself in a better way. This will be a short explanation and doesn't cover everything I want to write about it.

Masturbation itself isn't bad I think we have the same opinion about it.
I think in a young age (maybe 14 - 25 I don't want to draw a sharp line) you need it to understand what you like and how you like it (and with this I mean explore everything even parts of the so called fetish world). To talk about more decent, don't think you know anything about metal music if you only listened to 2 or 3 songs or even 2 or 3 bands.
[And yeah again I described it way to short so maybe many of you get the wrong idea of what I mean, we will see...]
Somethings you need to explore with yourself first and somethings you can only explore with a partner. And if you have build your knowledge base you can start to make better decisions. Because you don't have to say anymore "I think..." or "I believe..." instead you can say "I know...".
[Yeah and again this description is way to short.]
So real chastity the way you and Fatherof3 describe should start when your knowledge base is set and you know what you want from the world.
More words that I thought but way to short to express myself so you really understand what I mean. But if I'm right about your thinking you will understand the core of what I want to express. Even if I don't know how many grammar, tenses and other mistakes this text has.

Jonas

Kurt Thank you for making such a great effort to write. I can understand you well.

Masturbation itself isn't bad

Somethings you need to explore with yourself first and somethings you can only explore with a partner.

I understand exactly what you're saying and I'm sure it's true for many people.

However, my personal experience has led me to conclude that masturbation was bad for me. I would have done better had I waited for a partner and been entirely focused on her rather than on the fantasies I developed through masturbation. Chastity works for me now and would have worked then,

I do not think those in chastity (or those trying to save their virginity for marriage) should masturbate.

Fatherof3

Kurt Sure. masturbation is fun and all. Feels good yes. However. Not necessarily a need. Sex is still possible without having had masturbated ever. It would probably be a surprise when you first climax. lol.

Jonas

Ines

It acceptable for a boy, but it is awful for a girl. Obviously is my opinion, but for me there are things, smoke for example, that are not good, but in girls is much worse.

Ines, you write elsewhere that there are girls for whom chastity doesn't suit (for reasons of temperament etc).

Could you agree that might be men for whom chastity also suits very well (...perfectly, in fact)? Again for reasons of temperament etc.

Eg: I feel that my choice to wear a chastity belt corrects my selfishness and excess.

Fatherof3

Jonas I agree. To a point. It depends on why you are chastised. If for saving yourself for marriage. Then sure. Why not. Might make being in chastity more difficult. lol.
If you were caught masturbating while Grandma was visiting. then. May be you have a problem that could be remedied with chastity. If agreed upon of coarse.
If you have a problem with excluding your partner with extra curricular activities. Yes. Masturbation should not be happening while in chastity.

Ines

Jonas
Jonas, I only share my opinion that is not more or less valid than other.
In my opinion, the relationship with keyholder have to be based in trust, but it is true that it involves a bit of hierarchy, and, a boy does not fit as wearer here.
Of course, if a boy wish it I am not anyone to deny it.

Jonas Ines, you write elsewhere that there are girls for whom chastity doesn't suit (for reasons of temperament etc).

I believe firmly in this. And I have an example in home. However, probably it can change with time, I believe.