Sexual identity

Sasha

Voted A-sexual, because before the belt I didn't have any real attraction to the other person, just wanted sex.
But now that its been off limits for almost 4 years, I have started to feel an actual attraction towards others and have a desire for a relationship now, it's not just a shallow craving anymore, if that makes any sense. So it's affected my sexuality for sure.

Laura

Sasha and have a desire for a relationship now

With men or women?

Angelina

Sasha Voted A-sexual,

that confuses me, i thought A-sexual is someone who feels no sexual attraction to anyone at all, so actually the opposite of you 🤔

pestulens

Sasha Hopefully, this isn't too personal, but I wondered if you would mind elaborating on how your feelings have changed.
Do you think you are experiencing attraction the same way allosexuals do now? Is it more romantic? etc.

I ask because I am active in the asexual community and your experience is an unusual one for us and I always want to understand more.

Angelina yes, I find that contradictory, but apparently it seems to have been so with @Sasha

Most allosexuals find that kind of weird. The thing to understand is that for ace people, libido and attraction are often totally separate. A metaphor that gets used to explain it is hunger, some people get hungry and want a specific kind of food, while others just want something to fill their stomachs.

Sasha

Laura Either, if there’s love there gender doesn’t really matter to me

Sasha

Angelina I probably misread how he wrote the option. I had a strong drive, but there wasn’t an attraction there. Guess kind of like, yeah this one will do. Hope I’ve explained better

Angelina

Sasha

then i would rather say that you have developed a form of hypersexuality, but without strong feelings for others. i don't know if there is a technical term for it.

Sasha

Angelina You’re probably right, and that would describe me perfectly before the belt I think. I’m very grateful for how the belt has reoriented my sexuality though, I’m sure it doesn’t for everyone but for me at least it’s had this effect

Sin

Angelina ...a form of hypersexuality, but without strong feelings for others.

Definitely don't need to have feelings for anyone else to be hypersexual. It's much more fun being self indulgent, people suck.

Angelina

Sasha

I am really happy to read that the belt in your case seems to have a positive effect on your sexual behaviour. 🙂

pestulens as strange as most allos find that the 2 aren't contradictory.

yes, I find that contradictory, but apparently it seems to have been so with @Sasha

pestulens

Sin Definitely don't need to have feelings for anyone else to be hypersexual. It's much more fun being self indulgent, people suck.

Also worth pointing out, you can be hypersexual and asexual at the same time, as strange as most allos find that the 2 aren't contradictory.

youdontknowme

Asexuality is... a complicated thing. Few notes on that matter:

We often distinguish between sexual and romantic attraction. Plenty of asexuals are still alloromantic and like affection and cuddling and all that, they are just not all that much into more than that. Others are aromantic and do not really get this whole dating thing at all. And who is to say that there is not the opposite as well, and there are people who are aromantic allosexuals, who are more attracted to making love than to feeling it.
Especially among alloromantic asexuals, there is a clear distinction between sex-favorable, sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed asexuals. Asexual just means that you do not really get a desire for having sex with a person just by being around them. But sex-favorable asexuals might still have sex with a partner to bring them closer together or satisfy physical needs, sex-indifferent asexuals might not be too keen on that but are happy to have sex if their partner wants it, and sex-repulsed asexuals will prefer to avoid any jiggery and especially any pokery.
There is also the separate dimension of sex-positive / sex-neutral / sex-negative, That is not really tied to the asexual community (it is older than the asexual label, for one) and more about societal attitudes towards sexuality than about someone's personal interest in sex. Generally, sex positivity is about not judging people for their sexuality and promoting open discourse about sexual matters, whereas sex-negative would refer to the belief that people should keep that stuff to themselves, especially if it deviates from the norm.

pestulens

youdontknowme If this keeps up, we might need to do an entire breakout thread on the topic

MissBlossom

youdontknowme And who is to say that there is not the opposite as well, and there are people who are aromantic allosexuals, who are more attracted to making love than to feeling it.

I think you just described every man who hasn't seen his woman for more than a week! lol

Angelina

pestulens

luckily i don't judge anyone because of his/her sexuality, because if that were the case i would have to explain why and for that the whole thing is too complex for me. 😂

Sasha

pestulens Asexual may not accurately describe me, but being as fluid as these spectrums are I’m not sure.
Before my chastity I had what I’d self assess as a very strong drive, I just wanted sex and orgasms. So physical or romantic attraction wasn’t even a factor in it, just the satisfaction of the desire.
Once I realized how self destructive this behavior was, and agreed to the chastity belt I’ve developed much more interest in romantic and personal relationships, I want to know people now and find myself much more into that aspect.
I value friendships, and personal connections over sexual pleasure now and I’m beyond excited with this change.

Angelina

Sasha

maybe it's a bit tricky with the definitions, but no matter what it is with you right now, it sounds like you've made a good turn 🙂

pestulens

Sasha Thanks, that makes a lot of sense.

I sometimes get lost in the technical language, but it should always take a back seat to what actually makes you happy. It sounds like you found that regardless of what it is called.

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