Been gone a while

Funguy Less masturbation isn't enough for her, the only acceptable thing is no masturbation at all. But I agree with you that him having my key would be great.

With less desire to masturbate I did not mean a desire to masturbate less, but a desire to masturbate that is low enough that it can be controlled without physical restraints - a way to make sure that your desire to masturbate is weaker than your desire to make your mother happy and not engage in such sinful behavior.

But again, if she is as much against premarital sex as she is against masturbation, this is all a non-starter. The only way your boyfriend could even hope to have the key before you are properly married is if you were moving away far enough from your mom that her managing your releases became impractical (and could offer a good reason for why you are moving there).

And of course she might also be worried that if he has your keys, he might use them for pre-marital sex. Be glad if she does not ask him to get locked up if you plan to move in together before marriage.

Really, your most realistic plans are to work on financial independence and/or marriage, unless you want to threaten legal action against your mother, of course, but you do not seem to be the kind of person who would do that.

Funguy She is very against pre-marital sex which is another reason for my belt.

This is the main reason, especially since she didn't know about your sexual orientation initially

Funguy I don’t think my mom would accept any reason for me to move so far away I couldn’t visit once a week for cleaning. There’s a possibility it could work but I’m not counting on it.

Yeah, moving away just to get away from her control would probably not work, but if a good job/education opportunity presents itself... hard to plan for that, though.

Funguy That is her main concern when it comes to our relationship at the moment and is the reason that she will never give either of us the keys until we’re married.

I think it is amazing that someone who objects to masturbation and premarital sex on religious grounds would be so open to gay marriage. That plus the private hygiene breaks make your mom seem almost reasonable. That is, by the standards of people who force their kids into chastity belts, which is not a particularly high standard.

Funguy I don’t see the point since even if he’s locked if she doesn’t hold both of our keys we’d be able to unlock ourselves and be sinful.

Yeah, I was thinking of her (or his parents, if they agree to it) holding his keys. After all, if he is free and you share a bed you could still get up to "sinful" things even with your penis out of commission.

Funguy You’re right, I don’t want to take any legal action against her.

No need to plan on following through with it to bring it up in a negotiation, though you would have a hard time appearing convincing, and even if you did you might suffer other consequences, like loss of financial support for at least some time.

Funguy The specific reason she's against masturbation and premarital sex is that she considers it to be very greedy to please yourself or use others to please yourself when you're not commited. And greed is one of the seven deadly sins sooo pretty bad if you ask her. Also the whole thing about lust being a sin makes it also just not allowed at all in our house.

I would think that, leaving lust aside, desire for pleasure is more gluttony than greed, if you are going the seven deadly sins route. It is a case of desiring too much of a good thing. Greed is an evil because it leads to wanting to deprive others of what is theirs - which could be applied to rape, but not to consensual sex or masturbation. But gluttony - losing control of your appetite - is kinda what you have proven to be weak to by getting caught masturbating at someone else's place. You could not wait until you had some proper privacy, you just had to try to get off immediately. Plus masturbation could be seen as a kind of sloth as well, get to enjoy the pleasures of intimacy without having to attract a partner first. I guess that latter one is out now that you have a steady boyfriend though. Your boyfriend could control your gluttony as well, leaving lust as the primary sin the belt may be needed against, if you subscribe to the concept of those sins. But lust can be dissected even more. Does the chastity belt really prevent lust? If anything, lack of sexual relief might increase desire, so you might lust less with regular relief. And is it really lusting if all your love is directed towards your partner, even if you have not entered into a sacramental bond yet? Lust is usually more associated with fleeting desires, constantly changing partners and one-night stands and stuff like that. Again, having your partner keep your desires in line might actually make you less lustful, I would say.

Funguy I honestly could never even just threaten her with that because it would hurt us both, I could get cut off from her support and she'd be hurt emotionally that I would even do that.

I understand, you definitely appear to value your relationship and would not risk that for relief from the belt if you know there is another way out. Still, it might be worth letting you know that you know your rights and that they include the free exploration and development of your sexuality. I do not know how you could bring that up in a friendly and understanding way, or if it would make a difference; I know too little about you. But she should know that you are willing to follow her rules because you are respect her, not because she is entitled to enforce them.

Funguy About the private hygiene breaks she's not interested in seeing me naked lol.

Understandable (though I still maintain there are ways to ensure hygiene breaks are not abused without constantly staring at the person cleaning themselves), but if she knew how you are using that opportunity...

Funguy My bf thinks it's hot because he enjoys being in control in the bedroom and teasing me and having control over when I orgasm, which he would if he had the key but currently he has no control at all. He also thinks it just looks sexy on me.

I cannot say much about the thrill of controlling someone's sexual pleasure, but I do know that chastity devices definitely have a tendency to be a rather attractive fashion accessory, in addition to their primary purpose. So without knowing what you or your belt specifically look like, I understand your boyfriend in that regard.

youdontknowme Yep, exactly. I find the idea of "sin" too judgemental, so I prefer to think of the 7 as kindly advice. What's interesting is that the corresponding virtues also, when taken to extreme, are cautioned against. So, while the restraint of chastity may be considered a virtue in opposition to the "sin" of lust, where it crosses over into prudishness it's gone too far. Likewise wrath is discouraged, yet servility must also to be avoided, etc. etc.

Jonas What's interesting is that the corresponding virtues also, when taken to extreme, are cautioned against.

Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied, And vice sometime by action dignified.
Friar Lawrence, Romeo and Juliet (Shakespeare)

Jonas So, while the restraint of chastity may be considered a virtue in opposition to the "sin" of lust,

Lusting is not a sin, acting on it is. If one does not lust then chastity is easy. If one lusts then staying chaste is something to be proud of. I have gone 3 months without either masturbating or having sexual contact with some else even though I see guys every day I'd like to jump. But I don't. That makes being chaste an accomplishment.

Jonas

Maybe you can explain her this board should be an exception,as it helps you about your chastity.

Angelina definitely not, I look at my watch and ... Oh 55 minutes and I still have a lot to answer

Angelina i find it frankly interesting that your parents think they can influence whether you love someone, that was a lesson my father had to learn too (you remember i wasn't allowed to have a relationship until i was 18) but he learned that love is not controllable and certainly not who you love

The talking is generally before I was in love,right after I want to date someone,so it is manageable(but unpleasant).

And they can't influence it,but make the relationship difficult to keep enough(not allowed to meet,going back straight home,rarely allowed to go out unsupervised,checking regularly my phone,etc...)to make it fail.Specially as it is the start of the relationship,so still not very strong.

Angelina uh... i think you forgot that camryn hasn't worn the belt since august (see in should i become a keyholder?). since we decided against it, the belt has been in her wardrobe.

Yes,but,when she was trying to wear it more often,do you opened it yourself sometimes?And especially the last time it was opened?

Angelina there is still the possibility that she wears my old neosteel belt when we get married, it doesn't fit perfectly, but it should be enough for the occasion.

Good idea!

Funguy I can't say that I'm totally against the idea Altough I'd like to start slowly to see if we both enjoy it if it's brought up.

You would have a lot of trying to do before finding what you like about it,I think.

Funguy she wouldn’t trust him to keep my locked.

Understandable,I think!

youdontknowme It would probably be a bad idea for you to bring up the fact that it might actually result in less masturbation though

Right.

Funguy She is very against pre-marital sex which is another reason for my belt.

Not surprising.

Funguy She's said I won't have control over the keys until I'm married, moving in with him could result in him being given the keys for convince but I think that if I do move in with him before marriage then she'd be worried he'd just give me the keys and then I'd be free to be sinful and greedy (masturbate).

Do you think you would be forbidden to move in with him?

youdontknowme Be glad if she does not ask him to get locked up if you plan to move in together before marriage.

Not sure she would be at ease to ask him to wear such device.

Funguy Yeah that is the plan we have at the moment. Get married and move out and then I’ll be free.

As you're in love,it seems a good decision!

Funguy My mom would probably be okay with holding the keys if he's okay with being belted and she wants him belted. I don't think his parents would ever be okay with him wearing a belt for these purposes and much less would hold his keys. The thing is you're right that we can still do sinful things while only one of us is belted which is why she doesn't want me to stay overnight at his place.

So,if you move,but not too far away,she may suggest it?

But not force him,it seems.

Jonas Am glad that love is put before sexual orientation in your home, That's a good sign I think.

I agree.

Avery I have gone 3 months without either masturbating or having sexual contact with some else

Congratulations,I don't think I could manage it if not wearing a chastity belt.

Avery

It is a lot of measures to avoid doing it anymore!

You do it to get the benefits,mainly(better grades,better at running,etc...)?

Until married or for a set duration?

Angelina 55 minutes and I still have a lot to answer

You could of course decide not to answer every post (except mine, obviously )

Avery Thanks. But I have been very busy so that helps,

Vanessa It is a lot of measures to avoid doing it anymore!

This is what I've found too... the belt is only a part of it. Successful chastity, long term, needs lots of things to be in place, not just a belt.

Vanessa Maybe you can explain her this board should be an exception,as it helps you about your chastity.

Even though my own chastity is up and running, this forum is still a great help to me... ...it's just that I have other problems to deal with too!! Eg: I need to be more physically active, I need to curb my spending, etc etc.

So, I will still have access to this board I think, but the time I spend on here must be limited.