Angelina not much, when I think about how much you write here alone
Lol.
When I look at my new turbo-charged and productive schedule I find that there are just not enough hours in the day to allocate more time to social contact. Will half an hour be enough? I dunno, only time will tell...
youdontknowme As a fan of the idea of mutual chastity relationships,
What aspects of mutual chastity do you approve of may I ask?
Jonas Mostly how it involves chastity in a couple's dynamic without creating a hierarchy. Dom/sub relationships with the submissive locked and the dominant free are all pretty much everywhere in the more fetishistic chastity communities, but mutual chastity arrangements are quite different from that. They retain the whole "physically secured monogamy" aspect, but they subvert the expectation that a keyholder always exerts some form of power over a wearer.
Jonas Will half an hour be enough?
not for me, it usually takes me at least an hour, but for that i am not active in any other social media except here and facebook, so i can concentrate entirely on the forum 
i don't think the concept is bad, but i find it very difficult. i once wrote here that i tried to become my girlfriend's keyholder (full story at should i become a keyholder?) and i have to say it is difficult to stay strong as a keyholder even though you know exactly what the other person wants. i struggled with frustration myself one night and had to refuse to free my girlfriend even though she was struggling too. that was very difficult.
Angelina i struggled with frustration myself one night and had to refuse to free my girlfriend even though she was struggling too.
The great thing in a mutual arrangement is that if you are both in the mood, you can just let each other out. And if only one person is in the mood... tough luck for that person. With self-relief not an option, the best thing they can do is to try getting their partner in the mood.
I am not talking about mutual keyholding for people who are supposed to stay away from sex completely. Obviously, that is doomed to fail, especially if the partners are attracted to each other. I am talking about mutual keyholding in a couple where sex is perfectly fine, as long as it is with each other. Where flirting with strangers will not inspire jealousy because at the end of the day, the partner knows it will never go beyond a little tease. Where the partner is, directly or indirectly, involved in every relief you get, even the one by your own hand.
youdontknowme That's all really interesting. Although I need my other half to be tough with me in certain problem areas, we don't have a dom/sub relationship. I'm not exactly how equality continues while the belt imposes such an imbalance but it does.
The way you put it, mutual chastity sounds like a really interesting concept, though as @Angelina points out it must be difficult to stay strong. It must be hard not to come up with deals and excuses and all kinds of other insecure ideas!
Jonas I'm not exactly how equality continues while the belt imposes such an imbalance but it does.
I think that may be because you are not kept chaste at your keyholder's whim, but you have very specific terms that you both agreed to, she upholds those and most of her discretion is in interpretations. So "you get to cum if you do X/Y/Z for me, or if I feel like it" is not a part of your dynamic.
youdontknowme I think that may be because you are not kept chaste at your keyholder's whim, but you have very specific terms that you both agreed to, she upholds those and most of her discretion is in interpretations. So "you get to cum if you do X/Y/Z for me, or if I feel like it" is not a part of your dynamic.
Yes I think you're right with all of this, however I've noticed elsewhere on the forum that the agreements often creep into much stricter levels of control over time: (longer lock-ups, thigh bands, bra etc.) Sexuality is such a huge power to have over someone and, tbh, I'm kinda surprised that over time equality is maintained in our relationship. I'm lucky I guess.
Jonas Sexuality is such a huge power to have over someone and, tbh, I'm kinda surprised that over time equality is maintained in our relationship.
The fact that "no orgasms ever" was your idea in the first place probably helps reduce the motivating power of sex. And unlike most of the people suffering from control creep, there is no other power imbalance going on.
youdontknowme Yes, you're right aren't you? I slip out of being controlled by jumping right towards the ultimate sanction. I think however, I could be influenced by the removal of all sexual contact. Although I feel I can't be trusted with orgasm, I enjoy everything else!
Jonas A half hour I guess, but that would be for all social media.
You would not be able to post much here,so...
Funguy If he does get the key I’m sure the belt will come off very fast
Not surprising!
Funguy don’t think I’ll go into long term wear anytime soon
You may do it again?
Why?
Even if he has a boyfriend,he can still may be forbidden to masturbate...
youdontknowme it will not go back on as fast as it came off
youdontknowme such things need to be consensual
I agree.
carg Vanessa is considering
Emilie is considering it too!
Angelina why only after he/she has left? i think it is better if the potential partner is still there in case there are misunderstandings that can easily be cleared up
Because they think I would fight the decision more if he/she is with me(which can be true,I've to admit).
If there is a misunderstanding,they're not stubborn,and can accept another talk.
But,in this case,I must stay on a "friend level" until the next talk,not be his/her girlfriend.
Angelina that sounds very romantic
but before you ask no, that is no longer possible for us, we have sold camryn's belt in the meantime.
Too bad,she could have worn it only on the wedding day!
Have you already opened her belt,or was it always her who opened it?
If you already did it,you've had a romantic moment anyway,unlike Emilie and me.
youdontknowme Yeah, the fact that it might cement an inequality may be a concern.
In this case,it could be discussed before.
Jonas I'm lucky
I think so,you and your wife have found a dynamic that suits you well.
Vanessa You would not be able to post much here,so...
I'll just have to keep my posts really simple from now on:
Non-consensual chastity bad.
Consensual chastity good.
I'm feeling unbelievably frustrated but unbelievably productive.
I am happy in my belt, it's a life-goal, so don't listen to me whining about it.
I hope everyone has a really great day/week/year/life!!
ah ok, sorry sometimes my english gets to its limits and i get things wrong because one word i don't know is different. and yes i admit with us it was also a different situation because i could only free her but she couldn't free me.
Vanessa You would not be able to post much here,so...
definitely not, I look at my watch and ... Oh 55 minutes and I still have a lot to answer 
Vanessa But,in this case,I must stay on a "friend level" until the next talk,not be his/her girlfriend.
i find it frankly interesting that your parents think they can influence whether you love someone, that was a lesson my father had to learn too (you remember i wasn't allowed to have a relationship until i was 18) but he learned that love is not controllable and certainly not who you love
Vanessa Have you already opened her belt,or was it always her who opened it?
uh... i think you forgot that camryn hasn't worn the belt since august (see in should i become a keyholder?). since we decided against it, the belt has been in her wardrobe. but there is still the possibility that she wears my old neosteel belt when we get married, it doesn't fit perfectly, but it should be enough for the occasion.
Laura But since you have a partner now it doesn't make sense anymore
I'm sure my mom would say it doesn't matter if I have a partner or not masturbation is still bad and shouldn't be done.
Jonas Well, if you do ever find yourself falling into old habits, you'll know what to do!
Suuuuuuuure
youdontknowme If he knows you are such a compulsive masturbator that you need a chastity belt to keep you in check, who is to say it will not go back on as fast as it came off
. Especially if he seems to find your belt quite hot, he might enjoy being your only source of relief.
I can't say that I'm totally against the idea Altough I'd like to start slowly to see if we both enjoy it if it's brought up.
youdontknowme That said, that would not be for him alone to decide, such things need to be consensual. But considering you are kept belted until you marry, he seems to have the better bargaining position.
Totally agree chastity can be fun and hot but if there's no consent it's neither.
carg I think either way it is a (symbolic) transfer of power to his husband. If they want an equal relationship, I'm not sure that such a symbolic gesture is quite fitting on their wedding day, even though it would be a romantic one. (Unless the boyfriend also wears a chastity device for the wedding, and the exchange of keys is mutual, like Vanessa is considering.)
We do have and are planning on having an equal relationship (except in bad of course ) and you're right I don't think it would be a good wedding gift unless something changes before that happens. About my bf wearing a chastity belt, I could never see that happening thb 
but you never know both people wearing a belt in the relationship could work for some people.
youdontknowme Yeah, the fact that it might cement an inequality may be a concern.
Yes I'd say it would be unless he wants me to stay locked (not very likely especially not for long times) and we change our minds about having an equal relationship, which also isn't very likely.
