Maija my answer to the hymen curiosity is that it's really gross when women have torn themselves up from whatever they felt compelled to do and they don't look satisfied anyway they look injured...
So yeah I had a dilator before I got married and I love the way I look and feel... My husband is somewhat big for me but he was so patient and I don't think we had vaginal sex until several days of other sex.
As far as the premature ejaculation or the hard tearing thrusting I have heard that some men are so afraid of rejection that is what causes their mind to think it is a game to place seed and escape 😅 so it's all a game of a man feeling nervous over feeling loved.