Complaining - requirements - bribes - I dunno

Jen That makes you like a parent sorry hope I'm not offending. Lol just contrast to schoolies - only thing most of us cared about was don't vomit don't get too hungover.

I have always been boring like that, even when I was still in school. No dating, no smoking, hardly any alcohol, no illegal drugs, no coffee...

I was the sort of too-good teen whose parents were almost trying to get me to drink more, and who almost cheered on me when at a formal reception I would actually drink the customary glass of sparkling wine rather than opting for juice like the young kids.

youdontknowme I was the sort of too-good teen whose parents were almost trying to get me to drink more

Sounds like me except I dated, but my parents never tried to get me to drink alcohol.

Avery Sounds like me except I dated, but my parents never tried to get me to drink alcohol.

As I said, almost. Encouraging me to pick the "adult" drink at formal events was the worst they did in that regard.

As for dating, I guess that is just a me thing as well. I am pretty sure I fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum, because I have always struggled to relate to people to whom romance is a major factor in life. Like why do people in homophobic places have such difficulty hiding it. If you cannot date the people you are interested in, just do not date anyone at all. I mean, unless you are addicted to romance and sex, it is easy to be celibate, right? Right?

Took me ages to find out I am the weird one.

Jen It was fine female cop patted me down - didn't say anything

Maybe it's less unusual now than we thought.

youdontknowme Took me ages to find out I am the weird one.

I wouldn't be so quick to declare yourself weird. I haven't had a romantic date since I decided to try chastity 16 months ago. I don't think that makes me weird, it is just the way I'm wired. Which is an anagram for weird.

Avery Speak for yourself, I would rather be a weird person passing for normal than actually be normal. And I just cannot relate to something that most people would say is a fundamental part of who they are.

Nothing about me feels bad about being unusual in that way. But there is no denying that I do not experience some things the way most people do. Sure, many people experience it in even more non-standard ways than I do, but I have so far found the asexual community very inclusive and accommodating of people with different "wirings".

youdontknowme Nothing about me feels bad about being unusual in that way

This is a good thing.

youdontknowme I have so far found the asexual community very inclusive and accommodating of people with different "wirings".

I know of only one asexual person. She is a woman who calls herself Evie Lupine and I listen each week to her youtube weekly stream on BDSM at 9PM New York time. Natch, it's available on youtube for viewing at any subsequent time. She is very welcoming of all manner of folk.

curious As far as I understand you got a Mysteel?
Isn't that the same type some of the long time 24/7 wearers like Angelina have as well? So not having the right belt is just a poor argument.

yes, so you can wear the belt 24/7, but the question is if @Jen wants to and as long as she has control over it, she will make the decisions herself

youdontknowme

so i don't smoke and alcohol only sometimes, but without coffee i would die

curious

so i think the example of @Jen, no matter if the thing with the policewoman or the thing with her friends, has shown one thing. it is not the end of the world if you are open with the belt and if others know about it. however, i would make a distinction that explains why i can't do it that way, i could put my father in danger by being honest and being a bit crazy is something different than being at the mercy of others.

Angelina but without coffee i would die

Thing is, I do regularly drink black tea or sugary drinks, which are not necessarily healthier. I just do not like the taste of coffee.

Angelina however, i would make a distinction that explains why i can't do it that way, i could put my father in danger by being honest and being a bit crazy is something different than being at the mercy of others.

There is a difference between being open about wearing a belt and being open about the reason and details involved.
I think a statement that everyone - even authorities should accept can be: "This belt is so I stay a virgin until my wedding night. And that is what I want."

And even if you have no choice Angelina, I cannot help to get the impression that you actually kind of proud now, that you will enter as virgin into your marriage, or am I mistaken? If you were given the option to stop wearing today or now follow through all the way to your wedding, what would you do?

curious And even if you have no choice Angelina, I cannot help to get the impression that you actually kind of proud now, that you will enter as virgin into your marriage, or am I mistaken? If you were given the option to stop wearing today or now follow through all the way to your wedding, what would you do?

Your assumption is not correct, I'm proud to have my first sex with my future wife, but if I didn't have to wear the belt today, I wouldn't be a virgin tomorrow

Angelina Your assumption is not correct, I'm proud to have my first sex with my future wife, but if I didn't have to wear the belt today, I wouldn't be a virgin tomorrow

Here's hoping it happens very soon.

Avery Here's hoping it happens very soon.

we already have a provisional date (if the appointment with the authorities works)

@Jen I hadn't visited the forum in a while, so I only read about this after it is all over, but I want to add my opinion anyway. I agree with @Amira that your mother's action was not OK, and that to me it sounds like she is trying to get more control again. Now that she has succeeded, I would guess she will try again, so my advice would be not to get too attached to the car: there might come a time where she wants something you really don't want, and you need to feel free to say no then.
I wonder if she deliberately proposed it to you that late, so you would have little time to get your thoughts organized. In any case I think it was a disrespectful move from her part, and risking the good understanding about the belt you had going.
In the end it seems to have worked out OK, and you might even feel the net result was positive, with the adaptations you worked out, but it was still a one-sided breach of your unspoken agreement that you decide when the belt is worn. (Yes, you were not literally forced to wear it, but depending on your actual situation, the use of a car can be close to a necessity.)

carg depending on your actual situation, the use of a car can be close to a necessity

How can something you never had before be considered a necessity?
Of course access to a car is a very tempting offer at that age. But there is nothing unfair about it, because by rejecting the offer everything would have been exactly as it was before.
The offer came without any pressure, as far as I got it. If I offer you 10, 000 US Dollar for whatever and tell you, you got 24h hours to accept or reject, that is clearly my right to do. If you are not happy with my condition until when you have to accept the offer, by all means, let it expire and just go on.

carg

curious

I think you are both right in parts. Carg is right about the time, I think it was all too short notice and the time was very short for @Jen to decide, probably to put pressure, which I think is very negative. Curious is also right though, @Jen always had the option to say no to the deal, so there was no real force.

Angelina I can see both sides too, but I think this is a work in progress. Both keyholder and wearer are still working out between them where this is all going to end up.