How do you raise your children?

Mr-TM

I was surprised not to find a topic on actually raising children under Paranting (correct me if I'm wrong).

I for one have brought up my children openly but more strictly than was brought up. I always gave my kids a framework in which they could do what they wanted. This framework was of course adapted to the age but it was never up for discussion.

Of course, there were also punishments. Here I was very creative. One example. My 7 year old daughter suddenly started to babble like a baby while eating. We always had to guess what she wanted to eat. I told her that I would buy her a pacifier if she didn't stop. That made her think, because I always did what I said. Two weeks later, she took a risk and got a pacifier in her mouth from me. First she kept it stubbornly in her mouth to show that it didn't open anything for her. But then she had to realize that such a pacifier disturbs. Since then she has not babbled again.

How does it look with you? How do you educate your children?

hanna_anders

Mr-TM my daughter is being raised by me and my parents, so she will be brought up strictly but lovingly. At 2 she is too young to understand much about right and wrong, but I’m sure the time will come when my reluctance to punish her will be tested!

Angelina

Mr-TM

this is a really good thread, interesting that there haven't been many posts yet. I would raise my child according to values and norms that I myself think are right, that I think are good for my child, but that do not restrict my child's free will too much. I'll tell you more in 10 years when I hopefully have children. 😉
PS: and of course the role model function of the parents is important. only set rules that you yourself observe. 😉

Joh

Mr-TM
With patience and consistent action.
You should also always be smarter than the children.

Mr-TM

hanna_anders I’m sure the time will come when my reluctance to punish her will be tested!

You won't be able to avoid punishment for your daughter. Children need to learn that what they do has consequences. The only question is which punishments work.

Sin

Emotional intelligence is key.

Angelina

Joh You should also always be smarter than the children.

this is true, but not always possible. there are families in which the children are clearly more intelligent than the adults due to higher education etc.

Avery

I hope to raise my children by helping them to learn to make wise decisions. After all, I won't always be there when decision time arrives. When they are young I will necessarily have to make decisions for them but gradually I'll back off a little and give them more autonomy. Hopefully, we'll always be able to discuss things. As far as rules and punishments are concerned I believe children need a clearly articulated set of rules and need to know that if the rules are broken there will indeed be a consistent set of punishments.

bdsamm

Excellent but, not easy to accomplish.

Joh

bdsamm Excellent but, not easy to accomplish.

From my experience raising children is the most difficult job there is. I have great respect for the parents who manage to send responsible and sensible adults into the world.

curious

Angelina
Don't mix up intelligence and education.
For example my grandpa had - by today's standards - not a high education. Between the world wars, times were rough and most people only went through the equivalent of today's middle school.
However, I consider him one of the smartest and wisest people I have encountered in all my life.

Angelina

curious Don't mix up intelligence and education.

i'm not doing that, i'm just saying that there are those cases, that's why i think that parents don't always have the ability to be more intelligent than their children, that can be through education, but also through other things. you can't compensate for everything with life experience.

Avery Reason I ask is I have periodic tiffs with my Dad about what I am allowed to wear. I'm 21.

inside the house it doesn't matter, i can even be naked if i want to, outside the house he always checks what i'm wearing before i go out and whether it suits the occasion.

Avery

I wonder if people here who are parents set standards for what kind of clothing their children can wear, or not wear, especially out of the house and how closely they monitor them. And for people here who are living in a home where their parents are in control do your parents set and enforce standards for what you wear when you leave the house. Reason I ask is I have periodic tiffs with my Dad about what I am allowed to wear. I'm 21.

Laura

Avery And for people here who are living in a home where their parents are in control do your parents set and enforce standards for what you wear when you leave the house.

I have only "standards" what I wear indoors. Basically I must be dressed properly when I leave my room

Joh

Avery Reason I ask is I have periodic tiffs with my Dad about what I am allowed to wear.

I only give recommendations and explain my view why certain clothes do not fit or are adapted to the circumstances. But every adult is responsible and no one should force the decision on you.

Renita

Avery Reason I ask is I have periodic tiffs with my Dad about what I am allowed to wear.

Even together with you chastity belt?

Avery

Renita Even together with you chastity belt?

We've gone through various stages. Before the belt it was crop tops and low risers. Lately it's how much of my bum I show at the beach. No belt at the beach, of course. I model my bikinis now for him to make sure we're in agreement.

Renita

Avery Before the belt it was crop tops and low risers.

Locked waistband is enough to prevent this, not more tiffs needed.

Kaja

Avery I can imagine that my parents will dictate what can or cant I wear since I was 13/14 yo.
Sometimes my parents say that they "dont like it" or that "it doesnt fit me well", but I can do what I want. Im adult like them.

Laura

Angelina i can even be naked if i want to

And demonstrate non-respect this way

Angelina

Laura And demonstrate non-respect this way

Of course I don't usually do that. sometimes in summer i only wear a long t-shirt and my metal underwear for breakfast in the morning. it is all about. my dad supervise my showers, which means he sees me naked anyway and regardless of what we all think of it, it makes sense that it doesn't matter if he sees me naked in the bathroom or in the living room. But mostly it's too cold anyway 😅

something general about clothing. i don't think it's really wrong when children who, even if they are over 18, still live with their parents adapt to their parents' wishes when it comes to clothing. of course the parents should also give the children the necessary freedom and i think there is a difference between in the house and in public. Example: my daughter wants to wear hot pants and a crop top. she can do that at home. I wouldn't want that at a party, whether she's 15 or 22

Ines

Kaja

I have plenty of freedom, but an unwed daughter living in home needs parents permission for those things.
I do not have problems, but we have same ideas about clothes than my parents and they are liberal about that.

Avery

Kaja I'm adult like them.

You and I are apparently exactly the same age. But I am not an adult like them. They have more life experience, more money, a big house, four cars, they offer free food and I love them. So if Dad wants me to keep my bottom covered at the beach I do it. Well, half of it.