Keyholder welcome thread.

Angelina then you had different values as a teenager than you do today, i think that's one of the main reasons why relationships fail. How often do I ask myself: "he/she" must have

I just think it takes time to get to know someone and decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Sometimes you fall into complacency because it's comfortable, but with the benefit of hindsight you realise you should have broken up much earlier. Sometimes it takes a while to figure that out. It's easy to go "He / she is the one!" when you first fall in love. Doesn't mean it is though.

Sin

i think especially when you're young (and yes i know, i'm still young myself) you tend to look for a partner just to have a partner. your first friends also have partners and you don't want to be alone. unfortunately, this often leads to finding the wrong one and not wanting to admit to yourself that it would be better to be single.

Jen A critical period has turned out to be 5 to 7 years. During this period, in most relationships the little things have accumulated into a problem. Even if things go very well in the first years, it can then come to a break if it is not actively dealt with by both.
I want to show how important it is to get to know each other over a longer period of time. It may seem like a trial and error. I think it is time well spent compared to a lifelong relationship.

This doesn't mean you need to have Sex with him during this time. If He is the right one He will wait.

Joh wow like 5-7 years is insane like legit like either he's the one or I'll move on!!!

Jen wow like 5-7 years is insane like legit like either he's the one or I'll move on!!!

Yes, do it if you are in the situation.
I just wanted to point out that really getting to know each other and the unpleasant sides of the other can show up quite late. And from my experience I can confirm it. The first few years are very good, then here and there are little things that bother you a bit, but over time they slowly build up into problems if they are not actively addressed. And all of a sudden things start to go wrong.

Joh
I think that happens because people think "I want this to work" instead of "I want to know if this is right." If your goal is to figure out if you are right for each other, and you actively share your deal breakers and your shortcomings and quirks, and you don't each pretend to be a perfect little angel for as long as you can keep it up, I don't think it takes nearly as long.

MissBlossom My brother went through this shift not long ago. His longtime girlfriend left him shortly after they got engaged a few years back. After he started dating again, he approached it from a different perspective. He wasn't looking for a girlfriend, but someone who wanted to marry him. He got married about a year ago and they just had their first kid. He seems to be much happier than I have seen him in a long time so it worked well for him.

Joh

what you write is true, but then i would say that something went terribly wrong at the beginning. if both partners are honest and behave honestly, unpleasant surprises should no longer occur after a few years.

Angelina I agree if they are honest but some time they don't know what they realy want and need and find it out during the time. It also can be both develop in different directions and it doesn't match any more. As @Avery wrote life is complicated.

Joh

that can happen, that people change, but i still think that you should adapt to each other. when you get married, you promise to stay together even in bad times.
my grandma once said: "if i had divorced her every time we had an argument, i could have divorced her 10 times" (my grandparents were married for 50 years until my grandpa died)

MissBlossom Something you hit on, it helps if you do have hobbies or interests that are not shared. No matter how much you love someone you will get tired of them if you spend every waking moment together.

MissBlossom want their spouse to be their bff and get disappointed when that doesn't happen.

I’ve never really understood that desire to be honest.
What I think I want in a partner/spouse is obviously love and trust. But someone who shares a few common interests, but not all of my interests
But also someone who makes up for my shortcomings. I’m very good at this you’re good at that. So neither of us really has a dominant position in the relationship, we just make one whole

Angelina From my own expiriance I can say sometime it is Not possible to find a comon Base anymore.
If you are Young when you start a Relation you are still in development. It is likely the development has different direction. Look at the divorce rate. 20012 it was 50% and 2021 it was 40% in Germany.

Joh Look at the divorce rate. 20012 it was 50% and 2021 it was 40% in Germany.

yes, but i assume that 80% of these divorces could be prevented. in most cases there is a common basis, but the partners are too selfish and/or don't talk about problems

Angelina I agree with you and this is whhat I posted ad the beginning of the conversation.

Nice thread.

Keyholder to my wife now emergency keys for my stepdaughter.

KarimM Keyholder to my wife now emergency keys for my stepdaughter.

I read why your step daughter wears a belt, but can I ask why did you and your wife decide that your wife should wear a belt too?