Christine Credit score.

I think there are many services you can use to get boost in credit score, even credit repair service that will help you through recovering your credit score. Try to look into one of them.

    carg I was just surprised that Laura said that a landlord could also check your credit score.

    In my experience, he only does this if there is a later purchase option for the property.

    Vanessa Probably,yes.

    sounds scary, i think i would have "quit" my father at the age of 40 at the latest

    Vanessa In your case,would it not be the case?

    probably not, but it would probably end at some point anyway. the probability of my father living longer than me is very low, but i think we would find a solution at some point.

    Vanessa Harder to do than to say.

    of course, but the question is what is sexual freedom worth?

      Angelina at the moment you seem very unhappy

      I just feel myself stuck forever.

      Angelina o go ahead. get a job, your own flat and live in freedom again

      Sounds like a plan.

      Vanessa Any chance she changes her mind again and agree you would not have to wear it after you move out?

      I doubt, but if she wishes she should try wearing herself first.

      Vanessa you could stop wearing it right after you move out

      Immediately.

      Rina I think there are many services you can use to get boost in credit score

      And more money.

        Christine I just feel myself stuck forever.

        Christine Sounds like a plan.

        then do whatever you can do. in case of emergency, do a new apprenticeship or study or look for a job for the transition, talk to your mother about your future and that you are unhappy with the current situation. i strongly believe that you can do all this, but you have to want it and start as soon as possible. 🙂

          Angelina at the age of 40 at the latest

          Why at 40?

          I would still have the possibility to stop wearing it,but with the same consequences.

          Angelina probably not, but it would probably end at some point anyway.

          Your father would be bit less strict than my parents,so,about it.

          Angelina of course, but the question is what is sexual freedom worth?

          I meant it can be hard for her,especially to get a long term job.

          Christine I just feel myself stuck forever.

          Understandable,but you know you would be free when you get a good job,or be married again.

          Are you dating someone,presently?

          Christine she should try wearing herself first.

          Do you think she would?

          And if she does it,would you accept to keep wearing it too?

          Angelina talk to your mother about your future and that you are unhappy with the current situation

          I think she knows it,and don't care...

            Vanessa Why at 40?

            it seems appropriate to me, i don't have an exact reason, but i think everyone needs at least one perspective

            Vanessa Your father would be bit less strict than my parents,so,about it.

            that was more related to the fact that for biological reasons my chastity would end at some point

            Vanessa I meant it can be hard for her,especially to get a long term job.

            That's what I mean too, that's why I say it's a matter of balance.

            Vanessa I think she knows it,and don't care...

            she can argue against it but i don't think it's appropriate for a mother and keyholder not to care.

              Angelina talk to your mother about your future and that you are unhappy with the current situation

              I did and how I know her opinion.

              Vanessa Are you dating someone,presently?

              Yes and I'm in active search.

              Vanessa Do you think she would?

              Ofc not. But it would be a good argument.

              Vanessa And if she does it,would you accept to keep wearing it too?

              As a small revenge.

                Vanessa

                Was it the effect you hoped for,or a side-effect?

                If it is an unexpected side effect,do you like it or not?

                I certainly wanted to be more active and so the fact that the chastity/frustration is fuelling this is great. I also wanted to do more around the house.

                Compliance was not really the aim as we don't really have a dom/sub relationship, however, I do have a problem with authority and so it is very, very, good for me to do what I am told... especially by someone whom I love and trust.

                  Christine I did and how I know her opinion.

                  what exactly is her opinion? it is unacceptable that she does not care. she can argue against it, but ignoring it is not acceptable.

                  Christine Yes and I'm in active search.

                  I'm glad to hear that 😃

                    saras I do feel her pain as her situation is similar to mine

                    Any updates from you?

                    saras I do feel her pain as her situation is similar to mine

                    sorry to ask so directly after such a long time, but how are things with your girlfriend? i hope all is well

                    Angelina it seems appropriate to me, i don't have an exact reason, but i think everyone needs at least one perspective

                    Mine is when married.

                    Angelina That's what I mean too, that's why I say it's a matter of balance.

                    I don't think it is relevant if she has no job...

                    Not much choice in this case.

                    Angelina she can argue against it but i don't think it's appropriate for a mother and keyholder not to care.

                    I agree,but it seems it the case for her...

                    Christine Yes and I'm in active search.

                    You're dating someone and search for someone else?

                    Christine Ofc not. But it would be a good argument.

                    Maybe if you get enough good arguments you could have some impact on your situation.

                    Jonas

                    So a pleasant side-effect,even if unexpected at first.

                    saras

                    Hi!

                    Still dating your girlfriend?

                      Vanessa Mine is when married.

                      But not everyone is lucky enough to get married in their lives.

                        Angelina what exactly is her opinion?

                        She wants me to keep wearing a belt.

                        saras I do feel her pain as her situation is similar to mine

                        Thank you.

                        Vanessa You're dating someone and search for someone else?

                        Last.

                        Vanessa Maybe if you get enough good arguments you could have some impact on your situation.

                        That's why I'm here and your advises are very useful.

                          Christine She wants me to keep wearing a belt.

                          did she at least address the fact that it makes you unhappy. does she have any ideas on how you could be better despite the belt? does she motivate you to manage your life again yourself?

                            Christine That's why I'm here and your advises are very useful.

                            I'm very happy to hear that. Often I find it hard to judge if advice is welcomed, and if I should continue with what I started, or if that would only lead to frustration.
                            You seemed to have lost hope that you could get out of your current situation; have our tips helped you see more hope again, and have gotten you more active? I read you are actively looking for a relation now; are you also more active in trying to improve your own financial situation?
                            In the end it is often best to go into a relationship from a stable situation: if you feel you need the relation to get you out of your current situation, you'll feel dependent on him, which isn't good to start a balanced relation (if that is what you are looking for), and could leave you feel trapped in the relation, if the only alternative would be to move back in with mother and belt.
                            So I would advise to first get your independence, and then a relationship,. But of course if you don't see a way to reach that independence now, you might fall back on starting a relationship and hope for the best.

                              carg So I would advise to first get your independence, and then a relationship,.

                              i would disagree. of course it can lead her back into dependency on a man, but it's all about ambition and motivation. she needs to have the motivation to fight her way out of her current life. i find it scary that her mother doesn't support this and a new partner could even have a positive effect and give her new motivation.

                              • carg replied to this.

                                Angelina

                                Yes, it is not easy to decide what would be best for Christine here, and you raise valid points. I have been thinking hard on the advice I gave, because of this.
                                In the end my fear of her exchanging one unhappy situation for another made me decide to advise first for independence, but I compromised by saying that if that would take too long, it might be better just to go for a relation anyway.

                                Every relation has a power balance, even though I don't like that phrase, because it suggests there is a struggle where both parties try to gain as much power as they can, and that is not always the case. But each partner in an equal relationship needs to find a balance between complaining about everything they don't like, and just accepting everything. When you get a little more experience in relationships, you (can) learn which things are not that important to you, and which things will lead to serious problems later if you don't address them now. A trivial example: for some people the color of the couch is not that important, and they quickly give in if their partner wants another color, and for others each time they would see that couch they feel a little frustration that the color is wrong.) When you go into a relationship with fear that if it doesn't work out, you'd have to fall back to the current unhappy situation, it is harder to stand up for yourself. And even if the partner is not intent on gaining the upper hand, it will be natural to just do it their own way, and fill that power gap.
                                Once the power balance in a relationship is established, it is hard to change it: the partner has to be willing to give up part of the power, and both parties need to work hard not to fall back into the established behaviour patterns.

                                So, my point is that going into a relationship that way has disadvantages, but that is not to say that it can't work out. If you are aware of the risk of giving in too easily, you can fight the impulse; if the partner is kind (s)he can actively ask for your opinion, if both are willing they can shift the power balance later, ...