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  • Other people want me to wear a chastity belt

Carlos The reason i keep wearing it is because i do not want to loose her.

This is not a good reason. If the relationship won't work, it is better to find that out and end it before you get married, rather than suffer out of fear. Losing her would break your heart and be very painful, but you would survive and you would find love elsewhere.

Carlos Like the bit that i really do not agree with is when she implies that if i do something that i might get out.

Within consensual power play this can be sexy. Without consent it is abusive and manipulative.

Carlos I confronted her this evening about our current regime and how un happy it was making me. I made her very aware about her trust issues. But i was honest and said this was making me miserable. I did suggest the compromises of putting the cage on when i leave the house on my own. But i want out when i get home no questions asked.

This sounds like a child asking for a concession from a parent, not an adult demanding autonomy. It sounds like you approached her the way you approached your parents in the past, as though she was an authority you need to convince of something.

Carlos She said this is something that she needs in the relationship to give her piece of mind. She did suggest that she would be willing to compromise more in the evening and let me out when we are home. But i am no longer to wear the cage i have to wear the belt from now on. When i go to work or go out of the house the belt goes back on. Since she gets up before me to go to her work the belt goes on just before we go to bed. Also if she is doing a night shift the belt goes on before she leaves for work.
She also said that we are not going to be playing every night and if i start to masturbate in the evening when i am free the belt has to go back on.

She sounds like a parent giving out concessions here, not a partner respecting your autonomy. None of these things are her choice, but she is acting like they are, and you seem to be going along with it.

Carlos She said she feels the belt is way more secure than the cage and that is something she would need.

Again, she isn't your parent or your jailer. She shouldn't get to make this decision without your consent.

Carlos I know i was really hoping that i would get unlocked this evening but she said that there is too many emotions going on for me to get out and thought it would be unwise.

This is a pure power play and if you haven't consented to giving her this power it is abusive. She is saying "I'm still in charge and don't you forget it."

From what you say, it sounds like your parents really convinced you that you don't have a right to make decisions about your own body, and your partner is taking advantage of that to control you more than she has a right to.

If you cannot approach a negotiation as an adult, with the confidence to set your own limits, or if she cannot accept that you are an adult with the right to set your own limits, I think you should flat out refuse to ever wear a chastity device again. If she can't accept it you should accept that she isn't good for you.

I know that's harsh, but your situation sounds unhealthy.

Whatever you do, I wish you the happiest and healthiest possible outcome.

                Carlos I mean I’m the least qualified to give relationship advice, being the kind of girl that hurt her. But I don’t get the feeling you are in a good situation. Seems like you were forced into this, then the rules became overbearing without your input.
                Now your current partner is forcing you into this.
                My belt was the best thing that ever happened to me in so many ways. But seems like you’re the opposite. It’s never helped you, it’s changed your mental state in various negative ways, as well as negatively affecting your social life. Please give careful consideration to this relationship continuing, it doesn’t sound healthy verging on abusive.
                She can be as mad as she wants at girls like me, I earned that. You don’t deserve it, and deserve to be in control unless giving that up brings you happiness, which it doesn’t seem like it is.

                  Carlos I have to agree with what others have said. There are a lot of red flags that point to a potential abusive relationship hear.

                  One thing that could be worth asking though. Is she in therapy or doing anything to help her work on her trust issues? If the current situation is something you can do temporarily while she deals with her issues that would be one thing. A permanent one would be very different.

                    Carlos Well that went as well as i was expecting.

                    Aw, sorry to read this. Was hoping for a speedy end to the madness on this one!!

                    She did suggest that she would be willing to compromise more in the evening and let me
                    out when we are home. But i am no longer to wear the cage i have to wear the belt from
                    now on.

                    When i go to work or go out of the house the belt goes back on.

                    Since she gets up before me to go to her work the belt goes on just before we go to bed.
                    Also if she is doing a night shift the belt goes on before she leaves for work.

                    She also said that we are not going to be playing every night and if i start to
                    masturbate in the evening when i am free the belt has to go back on                    .

                    I know i was really hoping that i would get unlocked this evening but she said that
                    there is too many emotions going on for me to get out and thought it would be unwise.

                    She said she feels the belt is way more secure than the cage and that is something she would need.

                    You try to stand up for yourself, but end up in a higher security full on chastity belt!!

                    I would say you were now in a worse situation than you were previously.

                    Carlos, listen, I personally need a chastity belt because without it I'm a flaky chronic masturbator with low self-esteem. I need a secure chastity belt because, locked inside it, I am loving, happy, productive, tough, and filled with energy, drive and passion for life. I need a chastity belt. I don't think you need one. You sound like you need a new gf.

                    So i am feeling she is prepared to compromise a little but i have to compromise to wearing the belt again.

                    Is she compromising ....or are you just locked up tighter? 😉 Seriously; compromise is about maintaining equality and a level playing field between people. This is not the situation here. You're trying to rebalance scales that have been tipped well out of your favour!! You do not add weights to both sides to achieve this!!!

                    I did say ultimately things would have to change otherwise i will need her to move out as i can keep doing what we have been doing.

                    Needing to be happy is a small ask. Wanting to maintain a level of distrust in someone to the extent that they have to wear a chastity belt for you, is a big ask. This is, I am sorry to say, a relationship-level event and will heavily impact on your life either way.

                    I am still a little unsure how i feel right now so i guess i will have to see how the next few days play out.

                    I love chastity, but in your situation I would remove the device, stamp on it, and refuse to discuss chastity again. If distrust really is her issue (as opposed to control, which is more likely) I would lovingly direct her to therapy.

                    But it's your life mate.

                      Ines Sorry! 😅 Can all the posts be moved over into their own thread please @Ines?
                      Eg: "Other people want me to wear a chastity belt".

                          Carlos She said this is something that she needs in the relationship to give her piece of mind.

                          I don't see any reason for you to conform to her obsessions, because that's what you have to call it. I could understand it if she caught you cheating, but not if she's only doing it preemptively.

                          Kaja She needs psychytric therapy.

                          Exactly.

                              Hi looks like i sparked a bit of a discussion with my last post in the introductions.

                              I seen a suggestion in there from Jonas to start a new post. Tho i do not know hot to transfer posting from people.

                              I really wish i read what folk on here had to say before i spoke to my partner this morning.

                              I had a pretty restless nights sleep thinking about what went down last night my mind just wold not stop thinking about it. So this morning i talked to my partner again and said that i am really not happy at the proposed changes. They seemed to be way worse to me, the thought of having to wear the belt more is not appealing to me at all. I said to her you might want to start looking for a new place to live as i am unwilling to accept this. The cage is coming off this evening either with the key or i am cutting it off. I left it like that and headed out to work.

                              I have had a few messages over the day saying we can work on this and get something in place that works for both of us. I responded back i do not want to talk about it now you can discuss it with me when i am home.

                              So not really looking forward to this evening i think it is going to be a difficult one.

                                @Carlos

                                I don't really want to be the 100th person to write this and maybe we can move the post (@Ines please), but I think it's important to say one thing very clearly.
                                From my point of view, the most important point in a relationship is trust and it is exactly this trust that your girlfriend does not give you. I don't want to advise you to end or continue the relationship, that's your decision, but a relationship doesn't work without trust. you should only wear the belt for her if you want to do that for her, it's your body!

                                Carlos So not really looking forward to this evening i think it is going to be a difficult one.

                                shit, now i read that a few minutes after my post in introduction.
                                if you're reading this, it still applies
                                I'll try to copy that briefly, because only the moderators can move it

                                From Introduction
                                "I don't really want to be the 100th person to write this and maybe we can move the post (@Ines please), but I think it's important to say one thing very clearly.
                                From my point of view, the most important point in a relationship is trust and it is exactly this trust that your girlfriend does not give you. I don't want to advise you to end or continue the relationship, that's your decision, but a relationship doesn't work without trust. you should only wear the belt for her if you want to do that for her, it's your body!"

                                Edit:
                                Of course, I wish you the best and much success in what will probably not be an easy conversation at the eavening today 🙂

                                  Carlos I have had a few messages over the day saying we can work on this and get something in place that works for both of us. I responded back i do not want to talk about it now you can discuss it with me when i am home.

                                  That's a good start, for both of you.

                                  Here's some advice you didn't ask for, because I'm meddlesome and I can't help it. If you follow it, I hope it helps.

                                  Tonight, refuse to talk about anything until the belt is off. Don't let her tell you how she feels or what she wants or anything until it's off. As long as you're wearing it, she is violating your consent and you are not speaking to her as an equal, which is what you both need right now.

                                  Once it's off, try to remain calm and supportive and pretend you're comforting a drunk girl who doesn't know what she's saying. You're taking away her security blanket and she's bound to drop some heavy stuff on you, and maybe even say some hurtful things. Try to be strong for her and avoid reacting too emotionally.

                                  Don't make any new agreements tonight. Neither of you will be in your right mind.

                                  If you ever do agree to wear a belt again (and I'm not sure that you should), insist on having a safe word and an emergency key.

                                  Good luck, and however it turns out try to be kind to both her and yourself.

                                      Carlos
                                      Yes the talk will be difficult but I see it is the only way to find a solution.

                                      A relation ship needs trust and understanding of the other. If your GF has a problem with trust because the former bf cheated on her she needs professional help to overcome this otherwise she will never be able to have working relationship.
                                      Both of you should express what you need to be happy. You don't want to wear all the time a CB. You offered a compromise to wear it when you go out on your own which is a big offer to do so.
                                      She want to be sure you will not cheat. First she should be sure you really want to be with her. And she should do everything what is in her power to give you no reason to search by another women what you miss in your relation.
                                      I can only agree with Angelina's statement. It can only work if you talk openly and honestly with each other. It's best if it's once a week, especially now, so that you can discuss the issues and sensitivities at hand. For the conversation, you should stick to rules, such as instead of making accusations, rather tell the other person how you feel in certain situations or what you miss. Yelling at each other is also to be avoided. And if something is unclear, everyone should have the opportunity to ask until it is understood.
                                      It is also good to ask the other person what he or she has understood when you have explained something in order to understand what has been received.