How much do you think about quitting?
no
Jen I just don't know if I've wrapped myself in a cuddly blanket or a cage - feels like both.
Wow, this hit home. I absolutely understand this description and the conflict that lies underneath it.
Jen the positive changes I've made
Don't know if I've actually done that
Its much easier for me to look back on my life from my 50s and know what to do... I've got the cheat-sheet as it were!! From what I've read you've made incredible changes, but you've always had your doubts too. This is probably a good thing, means you're actively engaged in your life and thinking what you want from it! Sorry that some things (saving yourself for your life-partner) are incompatible with other things (going at it hell for leather).
Jen Jonas Obv I think about breaking chastity every day
I'm like every week - every second week
Jen It's just sitting there - like I could just not put it on tonight - but that scares me too. I know I'll give in to it - I'll wear it. But I have thoughts - I'll just break it so I can't wear it - can't change my mind then!
My belt is really solid and secure. Sometimes this is a huge comfort, sometimes it does make me a little panicy. When I have the belt off for cleaning there is obviously a chance to not put it back on so I tend to go into "robot" mode and do what has to be done without over-thinking things too much.
The lock is quite enough to see me through my daily idle thoughts of escape. I could purge all thoughts of escape if I wanted to, but generally speaking if I'm plagued with them I simply take this as a signal to increase belt security and my own personal commitment.
- Edited
Can't sleep was weird don't worry
I think about it now and then. I’m happy in life, doing well in school, great job, why not get out of this thing.
Then I look at a picture I keep on my desktop. Me on my motorcycle and my 4 “friends”. And I remember the path of absolute destruction we left behind us. How many I’d hurt along the way.
And those thoughts are gone, I’m happy where I am because of chastity
It is very rare for me to advocate any compulsion to wear a chastity belt, but I have a strong impression that your dilemma really results from too loose rules of its wearing. On the one hand, you want to wear the belt, on the other, it causes you emotional discomfort. Because you can give up wearing it very easily, it's hard for you to overcome the frustration that comes with wearing a belt. Considering your current family situation (living with your parents), I think you should talk to them to have them look after you more for a few months (ideally wearing a belt 24/7 during this time). If stricter discipline doesn't help and you still have constant dilemmas, just give up the belt and wait until you have a permanent partner / husband. Then you can try to go back to wearing it.
On the other hand, it would definitely make for a stricter regime and put an end to the vacillating. If it were at Jen's request that could make all the difference.
Anyways, I'm wondering if it's hygiene that's putting off greater wear time here. Certainly that's what delayed me. Unless I was just stalling. Could have been a bit of that too.
The risk of abuse of power will always exist in a relationship where a chastity belt is used. However, I don't think that's likely in @Jen's case, given how she was able to defend herself against her mother's imposition of the belt.